So, I've recently discovered I sabotage every relationship I get into subconsciously. I've done it for years and years. I do the same thing with every woman I date. I attract, seduce, destroy. That's the cycle of the relationship. All the relationships I have survive only a few weeks. The woman really likes me, I develop feelings, then I have this itch like needing a heroin hit where I just HAVE to lash and destroy the situation so she'll never see me again. Afterwards, I feel terrible, I regret it, and then I try to reconcile the situation, but of course it's over.

From what I've been reading it comes from a very deep rooted belief that I don't deserve to be loved. From the psychology perspective, basically I grew up never feeling loved and now as an adult I'm heavily programmed to believe that no one can ever love me. Basically, I discover a woman that is starting to care about me, then I subconsciously say "No no no, no one could ever love me, see I'll show you." I then give her a reason to see me as abusive, selfish, emotionally unavailable, or just an all around asshole.

I need to get over this. Is there a particular NLP process I could start working in order to reprogram myself?

Thanks!

Were you hurt in a relationship you had before.....?

Google some stuff on "mindfullness" that will help. It's usually women who do this and cause no end of mental trauma to guys in the process. The only power the past has over you is what you give it.

I'm putting together a product on how to break limiting beliefs and develop powerful new beliefs to empower you. I'm not pitching the product here, but, I'll gladly share with you some of my knowledge on this board. P.S I've written eight books on self-help topics, I've helped dozens of people achieve the results they want.

First thing first, you give the love you believe you deserve. Congratulations on realizing that you are destroying your relationships because you believe that you can't be loved, and thus, you believe you can't love.

The first thing you have to change is not the belief of what you want, but what you're willing to give. Can you give love without recieving it. Can you open your heart to another person and accept them into you? At this time, of course, the answer is no. You have not loved and thus you have not allowed yourself to be loved.

Take a moment, sit there, look into your past, and find a moment where you have felt love and you have loved. A mother. A friend. Let yourself embrace that love. While you embrace those feelings, find where you begin to feel that block. What are the thoughts that come into your mind of you think of past feelings of love? How real do they feel to you? Do you feel distant? Do you feel uncertain?

That voice that you say you hear, does it say, "That wasn't real love. You can't be loved!" Listen to it. Hear it clearly in your head. Then rewind it, change the voice, change the sound in your head, hear that voice differently, in a completely ridiculous way. THink of something you couldn't take serious. Daffy Duck. Replay the voice in your head, "You can't be loved. No one can love you!" That's utterly ridiculous. YOu wouldn't believe that if a cartoon character was saying it.

Do you want to be loved? Do you want to feel loved? Make that descision first and foremost. Make it consciously. The subconscious mind is a powerful tool and weapon, but, a conscious decision and conscious action will far outweigh your subconscious actions. The suggestion to understand mindfulness is a very good one. You must make it clear in your mind that you will be loved. To be loved however, you must first love. If you want to stop sabotaging the relationships, you must embrace the uncertainy and lead your emotions instead of allowing your emotions to lead you.

Take some time, put your hand over your chest, and breathe into your heart. This process will let you find your balance. It will let you relax. It will center you. Then, with your eyes thought, think of all the wonderful things in your past that you could love, all the things you truly care for, and pull them into you. Really reach out, pull them into your chest, into your heart. Find all the greatness you have. Find that new found decision that you will love and be loved. Find that solid ground. That feeling you really want and pull it into yourself. Then look into your future, look into that fabulous new future you are going to have. Look at all the generosity, the love, the passion you will have. Pull it all in. Create a scene for each thing, pull it into you, truly feel it, feel that wonder going inside of you. All that love you have to give. All that love you can receive. Embrace it. Truly take it in. Feel it through everything inside of you.

There can be a lot that goes into breaking limiting beliefs. But knowing that you have it. Self-sabotage goes beyond the belief system. You'll need to work on your behaviors, you're going to have to work on becoming a person of response over reaction. WHich is to say, more conscious of your actions. Practice stepping back when you begin to feel the old patterns and systyems returning.