Who I am: I grew up in Indiana kind of out in the boonies. I went to catholic school from 1st - 8th grade where I was bullied because I didn't know anyone. I had no friends up until High School. During my middle school years I managed to put on weight and then in High school it ballooned. I then started losing weight to join the Air Force. Finally I was no longer the chubby kid and could actually get girl's attention. I dated maybe two girls in high school, but I only dated girls who were my friends first. I never went "after" girls because of fear of rejection. I did lose my virginity in high school though so I wasn't that bad off.

So I joined the Air Force in 2005, was sent off to Alaska for 4 years where it was cold, dark, and depressing. I put on all my weight again and then some. I joined dating websites because I didn't go out. I had no idea how to talk to women, approach them, or even possibly seal the deal. But behind a keyboard I could do it. So I dated a girl while I was up there...it didn't work out. Then I'd do these long distance relationships I somehow managed to pull off with girls from back home that were friends of friends. But it was only texting/webcamming really. My last year I was stationed there, I discovered bodybuilding.com and decided I didn't want to go back home overweight. So I went from 240lbs to 184 at 6'2"....which I know is skinny.

I came home in 2009 and within a few months I found an old high school friend at a bar (once again, no one new). I talked to her online and managed to actually date her for 7 months. She was the devil. After her, I started going to the gym with my best friend and actually put on a lot of muscle. I was always a "good looking" guy. But I didn't have the body to match the face I guess you could say. I started going out and partying...but I'd always be too afraid of rejection when it came to girls. So I constantly stayed on dating websites. Granted, I've slept with over 25 women at this point and I've dated a majority of them even if only for a short time. But they were never girls I just went out and met. They were always girls I just met behind a keyboard in my comfort zone. I'd say 75% of them were very attractive. I became a serial dater, I was never single for longer than 2 months. My last girlfriend I met she was a bartender for a long time turned nurse, and I was always friends with her...but I never flirted with her in person. I hit her up on Facebook and just over time showed my value. We dated for 9 months and lived together. That was a year and a half ago. She really drained the life out of me because she was a taker and I'm a giver.

Now at 30, feeling in the best shape of my life. I work two jobs, one where I work in an office all day. The other I run recreational co-ed volleyball leagues. I have a lot of exposure to people now daily, and I'm extremely charming and charismatic. I talk to a lot of girls down there at volleyball and there are many I want to try and get with. I started going to the bars again but I still get approach anxiety. I feel like I'm bothering people. Now when I get drunk enough, I'll talk to anybody...but I don't know how to close at that point. There were many opportunities recently when I was talking to a girl or something...and I just kept making jokes or wasn't reading the room. I didn't know how to get to that point of "can we hang out sometime" or get their number. I get in my own head too much and just doubt. I have been told by women before though that I am intimidating so they were always too afraid to approach me.

I've read the Power of Now and just actually finished reading "The Game". This is who I am, there's a lot more...but I already felt this post was extremely winded. Thanks for reading.

Welcome to the forum:

Heres a few solid links to get you started:

pua-lounge/topic190620.html - Act Like A Man, Think Like A Woman

closing-and-day/topic189168.html - 5 Quick Tips For A Great First Date

approaching-and-opening/topic190187.html - Simple Secrets To Attraction w/ Eddie Fews

Let me know if you have any questions.

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Welcome man. Extremely common to a) possess approach anxiety and b) not know how to properly structure an interaction.

A proper interaction is like anything, there's a beginning middle and end. In simplest terms it goes like this: Opener (doesn't matter what you say here but try to avoid the abrupt and socially-stunted "hi you're cute what's your name" that she hears every day or canned cheeseball "who lies more" openers), banter (upbeat/teasingly/flirtatiously), exchange personal background info, close.

The main thing is to have your body language/tonality/eye contact on point and to speak to the woman like she's already your girlfriend. Dripping in socially calibrated sexual intent makes it a lot easier for you too. Easier for the woman also: She knows you're not there to be her buddy.

Guys new to this stuff have a hard time believing this from time to time, but you can have a conversation about paint drying (no exaggeration) and she will be hanging on your every word if you possess the characteristics laid out in the previous paragraph. She will also know your intent because women are not men. They are intuitive/emotionally-aware and able to read this very easily.

As far as overcoming the approach anxiety, it will be there at the start of every day so just get used to it and start talking to women because the second you do that it goes away.
Change your frame. Your close should be stronger, something along the lines of "I'll text you for a drink/coffee/smoothie sometime" or "I'll take your # and we can hang out." A statement of intent.