I haven't had sex in 9 years. Actually, the last time was in April 2016 with a beautiful $200 hershey's kiss, in a Marriot Hotel just off highway 880. For starters she blows me (condom style), then mounts atop this Hispanic J-Cole body. Cowgirl position, my fav. I still remember her moans. Gosh, how I still hear those moans. 5 minutes in, she jumps up off of me cuz my lil soulja was half limp the whole time. Long story short, I wasted money on some trick who wouldn't let me feel on that bangin' body.

Anyways, the last real sex I had was with my first and only girlfriend. I remember it like it was yesterday. I didn't bust. Actually, in the four on/off years, I've never hit climax during any of our 7 sexy times (fyi, we did do everything else) but one time (hand-job, go figure). Well, once again, to make a long story short, our sexy times were so far and few between that when I saw her cherry soda on my pipe, I ran (literally) to the shower ('I hope I don't get aides'). The next day, I was in the fetal position in my mother's living room as my ex-gf was in the bathroom running a home pregnancy test. We never had kids. Not even close.

In my life there are two girls that I've kissed, my ex-gf and some girl I hooked up with in 2012 (no sex, just a very toothy blowjob).

I get my fix in the empty rooms of massage parlors, $100 a pop. The last time (and hopefully the last time)was just yesterday. Instead of getting the one I wanted, I settle for that woman who always compliments my assets. Real boring. Seriously, not having a girlfriend is really boring.

As a matter of fact, I am sick and tired of living my life as an average frustrated chump. Yesterday, at my local gym, I totally blow off the cute reception who never fails to smile ever so kindly at me by walking past her, too (fill-in-the-black) to open her. Then, as I walk from the parking lot to my local community college class, there goes another girl who herself never fails at blowing me off! Nothing in the cadence in her, say, disinterested step toward her car says "open me". She says (not asks) "how are you" and moves onward. The rest of that day I ask myself 'What is that in my being which compels me to crush on a girl who would seem so disinterested in me?' (she's missing out, I tell myself--ha!).

That is the story of my sex life.

I want to have a dating life. I'll do whatever it takes. I wish I could reveal my true identity if only to give a face to the transformation of an AFC to a smooth operator, but alas, Kingstud will do for now. It's wrestling nickname I made when I was a kid (btw going to WWE Payback this Sunday!).

I also like to include my influences. Here they are:

Neil Strauss: his interview with Howard Stern opened my eyes to a whole new world, and to Mystery, who despite the miracle of the internet, alluded me for years.

Mystery: the myth, the man, the legend. The G.O.A.T. His MM book changed my life foraaaaver. The day after delivery I flirted with a touchy feely girl by saying something along the lines of "hands off sister". She flinched, then kept at it. My jaw dropped. Mystery is the Michael Jordan of PUA, that's just a fact of life.

RSD Owen: I think his style is awesome. It's a lot of fun without all the DHVing. Nevertheless, it takes competence to kino like Owen.

In conclusion, here is my goal: I want a dating life. The problem is, I never find myself in the right state of mind to meet and date women. Maybe the cute receptionist isn't in my long term or even short term plans, and maybe the disinterested girl really does like me and it's me who just isn't caught up to speed. I'm not here looking for answers. I am here to find myself.

Kingstud out!