20 years to close. Don't laugh until you read the story. At first it may sound like the worst case of oneitis but I swear it's not so please keep that in mind.

Am I married? No, I'm not but my wife is. She knows I'm inclined to flirt and possibly have a little side thing as long as it does no damage. I've gone for years being solidly faithful, to dabbling, to affair, to pros, sugarbabies etc. The worst thing I could do, in her eyes, is to do anything that threatens our family life. So ltr affairs, emotionally deep in-love relationships are the worst things possibly tied with paying pros. Nasty disclaimer out of the way, on to the story.

I met the target before I did any side action outside of the marriage. I was with my wife when I first encountered her. She's a bar/restaurant employee at a place we would frequent. My attraction to this ultra-HB was immediate, but I had no intentions for her. She was just a super-cute server.

On a few occasions I would be in the target's restaurant without my wife (to pick up a carry out order, with a friend) and target (I'll call her Ming) would display what I perceived to be ioi's. I tried unsuccessfully to follow up on them. Failure came for many reasons.

1) I never really had game. I was never the worst AFC at least not in terms of wimpiness, anxiety, etc. Just quick into the friendzone.

2) I didn't need game since I was married and faithful

3) Lack of motivation cuz I would have been like the proverbial dog who catches the postal truck if I would have gotten a date with her

Basically I was a 32 yo reasonably happy married guy intrigued by getting positive attention from a cute 19 year old.

But then... I started going out of my way to try to be in her restaurant without my wife. I had some long conversations with Ming. I only half heartedly tried to ask her out. She gave a non answer, I didn't push it. Ming switched jobs to a new location which my wife and I didn't frequent. I wasn't going to stalk her. So I didn't see her much.

Our life trends began running opposite to each other. I had had a few kids, but wasn't going to have any more, and this is when I started dabbling on the side. So I was out on the market but then the next time I saw Ming she had gotten married and was pregnant so I considered her off the market. I saw her as the one that got away because I hadn't closed when she was single. So when she's single I may have had success if I pushed it but now that I'm available she's clearly not available.

Now years go by and this is when I have few flings. I see Ming literally about once or twice a year, either in a grocery store or with my wife or whatever and we just exchange pleasantries. More years go by.

Without engaging pua content my game naturally improves. Confidence goes up. I'm less of an AFC. Then I discover pua info and it's fun to learn some stuff. I really like di Carlos Pandora stuff. It helps me understand my past mistakes. But I don't get too deep into pua studying because the little bit I got out of it helped just enough and I didn't have much need for more of it.

By no means do I mean that I didn't need it because I'm such a master. Far, far, far from that. I still suck, lol, all things being relative. But I usually find out just enough of what I need to know for a very specific, limited basis to improve a specific situation.

Which is what brings me here. I'm in a very specific situation. I cannot blow it.

A few years ago I began taking dates (sugarbaby, fwb) to the establishment that Ming would be working at. Initially at least I did not choose Ming's location for any particular reason or effect. Its honestly just because they are excellent, high end restaurants that Ming associates with, great places to take a date. In one instance I didn't even know that Ming was working there until we walked in. BTW, at this point Ming has gone beyond server and has moved up through the ranks as front of the house manager, gm, co-owner etc of a couple different bars, lounges, restaurants in the city. So it's not like I even expected I would run into Ming, how often do you see an owner or gm. But it was only a matter of time when Ming saw me on a date, looking like I'm on a date-date, with someone that wasn't my wife.

Then it happened. Ioi's from Ming went through the roof. Blatant. Flirtatious. Aggressive. Unmistakable. I'm thinking... WHAT... THE... FUCKKKKKK. [edited to add] Her ioi's involve lots of touching. Spending lots of time at our table. If the restaurant is crowded while we stand waiting for a table she may actually squeeze between my date and I, with her back to my date. Lots of eye contact to me, but not quite blatantly rude to my date. She may joke about herself, like saying "the food here is great I eat too much look at me I'm getting fat" when she's blatantly tiny. [end edit]

Part of her ioi activity involves directing her service staff employees to give me vip SPAM. Extreme, almost embarrassing levels of vip SPAM. Which was about the highest form of currency I could hope for when I'm taking another target out on a hot date. Imagine being in a trendy hotspot with a target, and the owner/gm who is a tight little package herself comes to your table and is ordering staff around to treat you like a celebrity. Your current target literally does not know whether to be pissed with justifiable jealousy or feel like queen for a day.

Just to test Ming, I took my wife to Ming's restaurant. My wife had not seen Ming in over ten years. I had to work my wife's memory to get her to just barely recall that Ming was someone we used to see years ago when we used to go to that one other place. Ming's behavior towards me was much more reserved, professional, less flirty. But she still gave us special attention. When my wife ordered a particular menu item (gave the order to the server of course), Ming came over to our table and asked if she ever had that product made fresh from scratch instead of the usual processed version most restaurants served. Wife says no, but it sounds good. Ming then puts on a subtle (but obvious to me) show of speaking to the chef in non-english, basically asking if he can make the fresh version. She returns to our table and says, "If you don't mind a little delay for an off-menu item, I think you'll enjoy that product made scratch."

I may have some sort of a version of oneitis with Ming. I'm not a big guy, she's petite. She's an ethnicity I have a preference for, even though I'm not a race fetishist. I've had a crush on her for years, literally two decades. It always seems she's just out of reach. First because I wouldn't have actually done anything and she had some pressure to watch her p's and q's to be a good employee. Then later she was married and having babies right when I was starting to get out into the dating scene. Then later after her kids are a few years older she starts throwing out ioi's when I'm at her place by myself, or with a date, or with my wife.

My obsession with her makes total sense. She's an incredibly intelligent and capable, highly respected business woman. At 40 she looks barley 30. You could pick her up with one hand. Her fixation on me makes absolutely no sense. I'm over 50, balding, not athletic, got a bit of a middle age spare tire going. I have a crappy stable job. Not much of a sense of style but I try to be decent with what I've got to work with. I know that a handsome, 40ish wealthy gym rat would drool at a chance to get with this target. She has her choice of whomever she would want to date.

Let's bring you up to current day.

Last visit with my wife to her restaurant/bar, about a week ago. Wife and I get seated at a corner of the bar so as I look at my wife (to my left) it's very awkward for me to crane around to look to the person sitting at the other side of me (to my right). That's where Ming sits. She starts out cordially talking with my wife and I both. But then it's just me and the wife talking intimately. Ming stretches out her legs, causing her feet to kick my stool. I turn towards her and she's massaging and punching her legs saying, "ugh... my legs are so sore from walking back and forth so much today. You know these high heels," (pointing her toes right at me)... "and my legs are so little... hee hee..." I just about died right there, lol.

Sounds like a lay lay-up? You know I'm my own worst enemy. This situation is not exempt from failure. When something is too good to be true... I don't have oneitis but if I ever were to blow it for that reason this is the case. I feel like I would throw myself in front of a speeding train if I gink this up. (that's hyperbole I'm not going to self harm).

Tonight, on Valentine's Day, I'm taking an ex sugarbaby to Ming's restaurant. Last week I was there with the same lady. When my date went to the bathroom Ming runs up to me and says, "So is that the same girlfriend you had before?..." (years ago) "...that you brought to (other restaurant name)?" Me: "......" (intentional blank stare, stalling) "ahhh yeaah..." Ming jumps in, "Yeah... that is... so... is she your 'special friend' now? You and her still...?" Me: "....." Ming chuckles. Me: "Um no uh actually we um... now we're just like, you know..." Ming: "yeah right, lol" Me: "No seriously. Ask her when she comes back." Ming: "I'm not going to ask her!" Me: "I know you won't that's why I suggested it."

For the rest of that night I could see Ming's demeanor a little more down. She was nice to us in passing, not much special service. That's fine, I don't expect. I saw Ming gathering her personal items and leave for the night without saying good bye to us. I felt that was out of character. She actually walked right past our table on her way out.

Thirty minutes later our server arrives with my date's favorite drink, which we hadn't ordered that night. She says, "Ming called while she was driving home and apologized for not saying good night. So she wanted to do a little something special for you. This drink is on the house." Since my date hadn't ordered that drink that night it means she remembered that cocktail from the previous visit.

If I were to design an ideal mate for a fling I can't imagine anyone better than Ming. Sober, bright, fun, vivacious, gifted, savvy, sexy. Best of all, inexplicably she's drawn to me. It literally doesn't seem real.