| I'm 25 years old, and I'm the guy who has a small circle of close guy friends, but when it comes to girls, I'm used to watching from the sidelines while other guys pull chicks. Basically, I'm just tired of being a beta male. I'm here because I want to have sex with a lot of hot women, and I'm willing to put in the work to make that happen.
I've had sexual encounters with a grand total of three women, all of them Asian girls and all in Asia, where I lived on and off for a few years before getting a steady job in the US. Even though I still struggled, I think this hindered my development because white guys get women easier there. The first woman was I think somewhere in the neighborhood of 40 years old, hot body but ugly face, was one of my co-workers where I was interning as a 20 year old over the summer. She basically came onto me my last night in country and wanted to have sex but I didn't have any condoms so I declined and we just fooled around that night in bed, never saw her again afterwards. Fast forward 2 years, I lost my virginity to another girl who used me as a rebound between 2 long term relationships, we had sex about 3 times in 2 weeks before she lost interest.
My experience with the 3rd woman is what's really motivated me to get off my ass and learn pickup. She was a legitimate HB, great body and pretty face. I met her a few months before I left to come back to the states and we had an on and off 2 year LDR, didn't see her at all during that time, due to numerous plans falling through for one reason or another. Finally went to her country again solely to see her this summer and busted my ass to get there for her. Things had changed between us big time from last meeting in person, we didn't have as good conversations or fun. Maybe someone with more skills would have been able to get laid a lot during this time, but I only managed to get her to bed for the first time the last night I was there. I just faked confidence the whole night until she came over. Since I had gone to see her, we made out a lot but nothing more.
Well that night couldn't have gone worse once she came back to my hotel. I was too nervous and inexperienced to please her orally and she told me to stop. She said she could feel my heart beating fast and I was making her uncomfortable, so she got up and left about 10-15 minutes in. I sat dejected on the hotel bed as she got dressed and left. Add to that, the fact I couldn't get hard, a problem I've never had before, and the whole experience could have psychologically scarred me with women. That's why I know I need to do something to get back in the game. I was loyal and put all my eggs in one basket for two years and what did that get me? Absolutely nothing. Some things happened that night that I didn't even know there was a name for until I starting learning about pickup, stuff like last minute resistance. I haven't talked to her in about a month and have no plans to.
I've already ordered mystery's book and the game. I have my own apartment about 30 minutes from a major city so field opportunities are there and I got prescribed some beta blockers to help with approach anxiety and my confidence levels, which have declined in recent years. I've also got a wing from work who could help me out, but he needs to learn pickup as well. Looking forward to this journey of self-improvement and learning from your experience.
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