Hi there,
Sorry about the name. All the best ones were taken. Wanted to go with "Alfie" (Thanks Alfie, you bastard ). I might have to look into changing it. Sounds pathetic...
I am from Wellington, New Zealand, born and raised. Currently in my first year of training as a general practitioner, so all the medschool shit is over! (Hallelujah!)
I was raised LDS (Mormon) and had been pretty staunch from a very young age. So staunch that I missed the opportunity to be young, while I was young. No boozey parties, no experimentation with illicit substances, no teenage sexual encounters. My first girlfriend was a year after primary school(elementary) where I managed to impress a girl I was keen on, so much that she asked if I would go out with her. Probably not an amazing feat for the teenage years. Well, our romance involved short, shy conversations, awkward glances across the classroom and the offering of lollies (which in her case were refused, as I though it was kinder to just let her have them). This "cassanovic" encounter set the pattern for future relationships. In my mind I was "doing well" as the girls where the ones showing interest in me, regardless of my inability to keep them interested. Needless to say our romance came to a heartwrenching halt about a month later, when she told me she didn't want to be my girlfriend anymore (which was also a theme for relationships shortly after). There were similar proposals thrown my way in the teenage years, all initiated and terminated by the girl, and poorly maintained by myself. Regardless of how successful I felt at the time in being the one who was asked, it was this unfortunate pattern which has set me up for future and current failures (Can you really call them "failures" when you haven't set yourself up for failure?)
I'm 30 years old now and am a pretty good guy to be around, if I do say so myself. I can see myself being a social asset to both men and women. My problem, however, becomes obvious when I see a girl I am interested in, in which case I resort to a spineless, castrated state. Social skill become caveman or schizophrenia-like, and I have recognised the "putting the pussy on a pedestal" mentality. I think the problem has been that after so many years of NOT approaching and NOT getting used to success/rejection my expectation and fear has been inflated to such an extent that I am unable to even approach and make a move. I now feel I have gotten to the stage where I need help. Don't know if that is really that honest though, because I have never really been able to sort my shit out myself anyway. I needed help way back...
Relationships for me have been either, I accept what proposals are put in front of me, or feeling between both parties are completely mutual from the get go. I can't say that I've ever really had to seduce a girl, which has been to my detriment. It's meant that I've got into relationships which I was never completely happy about. You get to a point where you think that the girl has got what she wants but "why do I feel like I've missed out on what I want?" Sure, a big part of it is feeling the achievement of winning the girl over and feeling like the man against all odds and other potential suitors, but at the end of the day I just want someone who I can be proud to call "my bu". I recognised that if I'm not willing to work for her then there are plenty of other guys who are (I'm sure this chatroom is full of them).
Well, not anymore!
I want in!
She's mine dudes!
(But I'm going to need a bit of help from ya. lol)
A few years back I recognised that my mentality and issues stemmed, mainly from habits passed down through generation in my family, but also due to my zealous Mormonism. Don't get me wrong, I love the church and need it to balance my life out, but after all that has happened and all the bad habits I've acquired I see that what I need now is experience and options. For mormons who are always supposed to respect and cherish females, and never give into "carnal appetites" even if it's the womans, and who are eventually supposed to end up with a mormon themselves, I saw that I have no option but to put my church principles to one side for a while. There are a few reasons for this: 1. I can't see myself being truly happy with any of the girls that I have met in the church, 2. It seems that any girl that was worth going for was getting seduced and won over by guys who were either not mormons or were not very good mormons, 3. Time spend as a lesser active mormon has opened my mind to aspects of life and valuable universal principles which I could not have learnt had I continued on in my overzealous ways. So it with trepidation, but resoluteness and ambition that I now call myself a lesser active mormon, ready to drink from various fountains of knowledge, and in terms of my knowledge of the seduction of females I have known nothing but wandering through the desert. I thirst!!!