I Know I'm friggin' young and I have so many years of life coming on my way.

But I'm loosing my mind about this approaching thing. I can't approach. Yes, just taking a few steps in 3 seconds and asking "Who lies more..." question for example seems so hard for me. If someone approached me, then I would be much comfortable with talking and doing the routines. But it's not like I get approached every day by girls, so whatever.
So basically it's not about the fear of 9's and 10's, I did a little small talk with one of them at school and 2 minutes later I was invited to her birthday party!!!(and not because she needed to fill the guest list, the place was really full) But school is not a place for picking up girls for me because it's something that everyone does these days.


And I have considered talking to my friends about this, they give me this "NAAH you're so young, your love will fall down the sky one day" or "what the hell? now THAT's not a problem." So practically there's no one to push me into doing this when I'm alone. I just can't walk up there, I end up thinking like a typical paranoia victim or **** like that :S HOWWW???!!!


And please don't be like "maybe you are ugly" or "probably yer boring and you worry about that" or "you're gay" because the answer is No.

Welcome to my life. I'm a 16 year old young kid. No problem with looks or anything like that at all. I cannot approach at all either! I don't know why. I'm not even close to boring. I'm probably at the same place where you are. If I was approached everything would be so easy. I'm great with everything, but approaching and transitioning into sexual crap. Not like kissing, but the good stuff. I've got some serious AA and I have no clue why!

Oh man, another one, let's cry together XD

And the most interesting fact. My friends have pushed me into doing sth whether it'd be saying "you're a fat biatch" to an anorexic emo or throw a bun at someone in the canteen, like a lot of times but my main issue, doing everything by myself ALONE.

Because my friends sort of dump me when I start talking about girlfriends (like they have their gals already and i dont, so unfair) and they would never come sarging with me in the town, even to encourage a little.

Lol to be honest I see a reflection of myself in both of you.

When I was 12 I started gamin (the biggest mistake in my life). It didnt take long before I was addicted. I never spoke to people, it was always me and my computer. By the time I was 17 I noticed i was missing a girl in my life. I started going out with some friends of my class, but i was sooo damn afraid talking to people. There where even times i didnt even know what to say to my own friends!


The only thing I can do is advise you to use to start conversations randomly. I mean if you see a old man/lady in the park for instance, go have a chat with him/her. You would be amazed how happy old folks are when somebody speaks to them. I kinda had to practice how to communicate with other people. These old folks helped A LOT. When is was more practiced i started talking with other people, mothers and fathers.

After i went through that phase, i realized, i can go up to this MILF and have a normal conversation, i shouldn't be afraid of girls of my own age.
These where practice sessions of a month or 2.

Then i started opening sets with just saying Hi. And by just saying hi I won. and after a couple of hi's i wa capable of asking questions and i basically builded my social skill up. Step by step.

It took a long time, the most emotional months of my life. But it was worth it.



greetz

ice_melter

_________________
greetz

ice_melter

And how did you make it alone?

Like, did you ask someone for advice or things like that?
Because all the people I can share my emotions with and who are able to listen are on the friggin' net, I already told how my friends actually are (look up!)

Use us on this site as your advisors if your friends could care less. Honestly if they aren't willing to help you with something like this then, damn....messed up.

My best friends are pretty much exactly the same as myself. We are all good looking kids (voted best looking in middle school weeeeee). We can close a girl if we are approached easily, but when we have to do the approaching, yeah... My one friend actually got Style's book, "The Game." I think he's almost done with it. I'm gonna have him sign up here when he finishes it. We are always talking about girls though. Everything about them too. We pretty much just hangout play Call of Duty 4 or Halo 3, talk about sarging, give each other tips, and go out and sarge. It helps having someone you can actually go out with and sarge. I'm lucky. I have two.

They both live really close to me, but one goes to the township highschool, but the other as well as myself, go to a private catholic highschool. It actually helps being able to talk about our experiences. We are able to improve and improve by discovering our mistakes. Now that we all have discovered stuff like Style's book and even this website, we will hopefully improve a lot and be able to help others.

Ice, yeah I'm going to try the random person technique. Hopefully it will help. Seriously my only damn problem is approaching! I hate it!!!!

Ok...some sort of approaches I tried in the past

I happened out to visit a youth cafe. As soon as I stepped in I noticed there's no coat-hanger. What a good opener? "Where the heck is the coat-hanger?"
HB: There's no one, just lay it down the sofa and stick around it, someone might steal your jacket.
ME: Oh, now that must be a sad thing.(now say "Who lies more" question or "You don't mind if I lay it down here and stick around it, do you?" )

But Noooo, I just sat down somewhere on the other side of the room and ordered a freaking coffee. (It was like 8pm and I didn't sleep for the rest of the night, thinking about that HB)

When I read the book (the game, by neil strauss) about approaching, I was like "now that's an easy one"

But even on the train one day, I heard some girls saying "HE IS SOO HOOTTTT" (AN OBVIOUS IOI) There was no one around except me on one side of the train carriage and the other girls. And I should've screamed like "naaah, you're hotter" and the next thing would be running towards them, picking their numbers and going on a date with the cutest one.

But Noooo, i was like...staring out the window and thinking about getting girls, god damn it.

Okay that was like some months ago when I was unsure whether I'd be "an interesting person to talk to" or not. But, again I repeat that's not a problem. I managed to entertain my cousin's girlfriend until 2AM and she was laughing hysterically and almost fell off her chair. I used the same jokes my friends come up with sometimes and people laugh hysterically at them.

I can't really figure out the main problem at approaching. It's as I don't feel comfortable when I approach. The only advice my friends gave me is "Cool down" - well I can't cool down because there's still something vibrating in my nerves.

The best advise i can give you is

keep approaching
it sounds very stupid
but it really helps

it's like riding a bike
the first time you get on a bike you WILL fall
and maybe the next 10 tries too.
but after some experience in failure you learned how to keep you balance


it's actually the same in the approach
the more you try and probably fail at first
the more experience you gain
and the more experience you have, you will notice you wel get less nervous every time you approach

_________________
greetz

ice_melter

just a quick addition to my previous post:

watch this movie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSXYdmOn ... re=related

maybe it will inspire you just like it inspired me

_________________
greetz

ice_melter