Sup guys im new to this stuff amd just opened my account today. The reason I decided to open an account is cause I got rejected yesterday. And ive known of this forum for about a year now and always was pessimistic towards this style of getting girls. But ive realized after my rejection yesterday that I really need help. Im 35 years old. I finally picked up my balls to ask this girl that ive had a crush on for about 4 months. She goes to my church and its really hard to go and talk to her since she is a singer at the church and when it ends shes always on the podium. So yesterday I walked up to the podium and as she saw me walking up she said hi. And she said hey I saw you last week and wanted to say hi but you already left. To make a lomg story short we met before a couple times and so were not complete strangers. I actually thought she might be interested in me because ive seen her looking at me quite a bit and one time she walked up to me and asked me how I was doing. And grabbed my tricep and squeezed it twice. I dont know if thats a big deal or not but I saw it as a positive sign. So when I went up and talked to her yesterday she was very friendly but I was nervous as hell. And im sure she noticed that. So I asked despite the fact that I was nervous and straight out scared if I could take her out to eat. And she said as friends or as a date? So my reply was a gesture implying a date. She immediatley told me she doesnt date. And that she only goes out with friends or work relared stuff. So i took as though she wasnt interested and said ok gave her hug and walked off. My question is did I completely blow it or is there something I can do to make it happen. Let me add that shes a very attractive girl that probably gets hit on all the time.

There's a lot to take into concern here(body language, her current mood at that time and place), but overall
i think you did a great job! Really encouraging both sexes to approach. However, i would recommend that you take a closer look into the word "date". It's both outdated and predictable of what it includes. (As u may have noticed, my English isn't that great, sry for that). Anyhow, dating pretty much implies that at least one of you have to engage physically sometime when meeting. This puts some kind of pressure and prediction on the both of you(also, date usually makes u think about money and expenses, imo). I would suggest that you instead ask girls to 'hang out' with you. This relieves a lot of unnecessary tension and it means that anything can happen!

hope u understood at least some of what i said

Thanks for reply and encouragement. I just didnt lkke that I had to choose between the word date and "friends". My actual mission is to get to know her better which I shouldve said. But because I was nervous I think that I was not able think clearly.

The best way to answer a question like that is by being indirect (my opinion). For example;

She - "Do you want to hang out as friends or as a date?"
You - "Well you seem cool, so i tought why not just hang out"

You can even end that sentence with a question, to change the subject (in that case she would not notice that you didn't answer her question).

But i'm sure there is alot of better ways to do that.

I feel you did the "wine and dine" approach which i used to do when i was naive college kid. The problem is that we as men think is a nice gesture; because somewhere in our past we were taught to do so by romantic movies, girly talk shows, articles, or our moms, aunts telling us how sweet it is.

But, women do not see what we do. A women automatically translate the "wine and dine" approach as "Needy", "Oh he wants something from me" or " He wants to butter me up for sex" she is using her logic which kills her emotions.

In the future I suggest you build rapport by making her laugh build up her emotions and then inviting her for some coffee which translater to her "a small brake from her routine".

I would try this on another girl that you find attractive, do not wait 4 months, do it within the 1st day. It take a lot effort but it will work. Hope it helps