Hi everyone,

As the title suggests, I'm new to this. I'm 23 and have only had one gf in the past and really do want to improve my social skills and find a gf; i'm pathetic in this area.

I've gone through a lot of shit, especially in university for many reasons I can't get into here. But there were times when I went crazy from all the stress at home that I started cutting myself. Not some emo-,self-pitying-,attention-seeking reaction but a genuine response to what was happening in my life and even had to see a mental health doctor for a while. Now that I've graduated and am working full time I'm "normal" again. In some ways I should be really happy (but still feel empty) because recently I also started taking music lessons at the Academy of Music in my city. Music is my PASSION. For the longest time I would practice music all the time and thought about dating as something I didn't mind putting off for the time being.

I've now realized I'm completely wrong. Just as you have to practice music, I've realized that dating and being social are also things you can "practice," and have to to improve.

Long story short, (and thanks to those who are still reading) I need to improve my social life but find it very hard to find time for it. As I said, I work full time and when I'm not working I practice music and try to hit the gym, and see friends maybe once a week. It's really hard for me to meet new people.

I am shy, but have a good sense of humour with girls I already am friends with and am sarcastic without trying. (sometimes too sarcastic unfortunately)

eg. person A: OMG i totally screwed up (something).
Me: that's ok, we don't expect much from you anyway.

And I get a good laugh and I kinda do it naturally. (no throwing in Negs on purpose) I am extremely quiet however in large groups of people (usually a chance to meet girls). But anyway, I don't really know how to move from making jokes to winning the affection of someone, getting her number and getting her to think that I'm someone date-able.

It's like I got a million things going, work, music, workout, and seeing friends. But no time for meeting girls and don't know how to meet them. It's almost like for the longest time music was my number one priority, but then now I realize that there's a certain emptiness when my social life is so inadequate. I need to change but am stuck.

Thanks for listening, advice, suggestions, criticisms welcome.

WOW, Troubadour! It does sound like you got a lot going on. And, yeah, I know what it's like to be a cutter. I used to be one myself, but I've been over that for a few years now.
But enough about me . . . Welcome to the forum!!! We're always glad to have people here from all walks of life!
Here's your first bit of advice . . . it's called time management. Yes, you may not be able to always go "out" to meet new people, but you can always say "hi" to a new person in your everyday activities.
Can you imagine just how much bigger your social life would become if you started a conversation when you were waiting in the line at the grocery store . . . or to the person on the treadmill next to you at the gym . . . or even to a customer at your work?! Just give it a shot and see where it leads you!
Plus, hang out on here when you get a chance and listen to what these guys (and girls ) has to say. I'm sure you'll learn a LOT!

~Cali

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Being a wingwoman doesn't mean I'm an angel.