So far, I've lived a horrible life of rejection. I come from a messed up family and background and had a miserable time as a teenager. I was depressed, had a huge inferiority complex (still do in a way) and I was all around unconfident. If anybody knows this mind set, you know it's not a mood, it's a way of life. It's what you just see as yourself. You don't like it, but you accept it for how it is. Some people have great lives, some people don't. I'm a fat ugly loser, that's just how it is. I used to only drink coffee and coke. I used to smoke 30 a day and drink. I used to drink because it helped me cope, not because I enjoyed it. I didn't have many friends, didn't have any close ones. I had one girlfriend in the past when I was about 18, but she only used me for Reading festival tickets. I've had sex twice in my life and I'm 23 in December.

I was in a car crash early this year. Two drunk 19 year olds hit my car and I was in hospital with a 30% chance of pulling through. When I recovered, I was even more depressed. It really makes you realize just how short and fragile life is. How I haven't lived any of it and how so much of the fun part is behind me. I didn't get to be a teenager because of how I was.

I just don't give a f**k any more. I started doing physio in June and I started on a special diet. Now fitness and diet are a huge part of my life. I started doing MMA and breakdancing just because I want to. I don't care about confidence any more.

I also signed up for the fire service. I'm currently a volunteer fire fighter in a small town. I go and fight fire but not full time. I have a beeper and when it goes off, I run to the station and fight the fire. I've had a few call outs and I love it. I'm finishing university and hopefully I'll be a full fire fighter before I'm 30.

I look and feel great. I'm having fun. I feel like my life has only just started. It took a lot longer than other people, but better late than never.

I've actually been approached by women a few times. I'm more comfortable and confident in myself, but I'm still not confident with other people. I'm into grooming, sports and I take care of myself. My skin has cleared up from the disgusting spot ridden state it was in before and now I'm quite a good looking guy. I've never been approached by women before. I've actually been called hot which is totally new.

Problem is, I don't even know where to start. I'm so used to being a fat, ugly, unconfident loser that I don't know how to act otherwise. Even now, when a woman approaches me, I don't know how to react. My conversational skills are bad too. I'm not too bad at banter, but when it comes to making conversation and staying interesting, I'm about as smooth as fucking sand paper. I can't seem to come up with any interesting topics or anything. I'm so used to my own company that making a conversation is really difficult.

I figured that if I'm not such a bad looking guy and if I actually have a pretty cool future in the fire service, then maybe I'm not completely hopeless overall. Maybe I can have a fun dating and sex life with what remains of my youth lol.

If this is true, then I'm 23 now. I've wasted the years before being who I didn't want to be. If I want to change things, then I need to start now... but where?

Hopefully I can get some help here. Is there anything you can tell a newbie?

Hey man good post thanks for sharing with us, I know it can be hard to reveal such deep emotions with complete strangers. I think it's great that you did thought since it shows you can be honest not only with us, but also yourself.

I'd like to say I'm sorry about your past, I've had my fair share of tumult in my teenage years (I'm 17 now), probably no where near as what you have been through but I understand what you said about depression/low confidence affecting every aspect of your life.

I'm no expert by any means on this stuff but I can direct you to a few places to get you started.

On not being a good conversationalist, it's ok! It's really not that hard to learn; the MOST important thing to remember though, if you want to improve, is that reading tips and tricks etc. is only going to get you so far. You ARE going to have to practice conversational tips. Try to get outside of your comfort zone as much as you can and practice on strangers. You are going to crash and burn, but that is OK! I know its cliche, but everyone has to start somewhere, and learning/improving on any skill is going to be hard; if it weren't hard then everyone would be good at it.

The keys to good conversation is listening and eye contact. You want to sincerely listen to what the other person is saying and then be able to pick up on that person's cues. A lot of times, people subconsciously drop hints on you during a conversation because they want you to A. Follow up and ask them about that certain point. or B. If you can, relate to what they say. But only relate to it if you genuinely can.

In other words, relate to what the person is saying, and if you cannot then show an interest in what their saying in the form of questions.

What I'm telling you here is very vague and basic stuff. I'd suggest using the search function and type in 'Conversation tips/starters' to find more in depth material.

Good luck man and I just want to say I'm proud of you for taking the right steps to improve yourself, but just remember, you are improving yourself for YOU and only for YOU. Any other things that happen as a result of improving yourself are just added bonuses, they are not the goal.

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