What the fuck is wrong with me?



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PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 5:08 am 
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Joined: Fri Apr 29, 2011 4:37 pm
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Location: Lorain, OH
I was drunk off my ass walking to my friend house to get even drunker and crying. I left the bar cause I was fed up. I'd had enough of this bullshit. I look at my text messages and wanted to crush my phone. I wanted to destroy the world that night.

This was monday, my birthday. I'm 29 years old, my birthday is october the 8th and I've never once had sex on my birthday.

About a week ago I'd met some girl, Ali, at a birthday party for someone else. We chatted about zombies, video games, movies, and she told me how she likes the hentai rooms at anime cons and how orgies usually break out. Ali is cute and I can connect with her. So I mentioned that I liked her only to here "I'm not looking for a relationship right now." I mentioned this maybe a few days later while talking to her on facebook for probably the third time.

Whatever. I started talking to this girl Taylor I'd met a week before that. She was getting flirty and insinuating sexual things and I mentioned I thought she was cute and she says she's not looking for anything and I live to far away.

My ex and friend amy messages me. I'm pretty frustrated at this point. I'm in love with Amy. She knows this. She says she likes me but has been hurt too much and isn't ready for anything and that I live too far away.

Well, no one fucking likes me. I don't fucking get it.

My birthday. I just wanna get laid for a change on my birthday. It's never once happened to me. I go out and girls I approach are dating someone, too busy talking to their friends, or just not fucking interested in me for whatever fucking reason. Some just ignore me when I say anything I have to say.

I wanted to kill myself that night.
I just got really wasted instead. Went to my friends and got even drunker. Then went on OkCupid and ever message I sent got no reply.

Then my little brother is telling me how I try too fucking hard. Someone else says I don't try enough. No one gives advice that's concrete and not vague. Ali I just cut off contact with cause it was making me really suicidally depressed, same with taylor and amy. I don't want to talk to girls that aren't interested in me.

Then there's doug. My asshole fucking friend who cheats on his girlfriend [who knows he's cheating btw], has no job, no car, is homeless but crashes at friends houses, spends all the money he gets on booze, weed, and acid, steals from people, and lies all the time. But this jackass gets laid all the fucking time.

Apparently goals, a nice car, nice clothes, morals, loyalty, honesty, etc.. Those things don't matter. So If I go finish school, get a nice car, house, job, clothes, etc. I'm still lacking whatever the fuck it is that girls fucking want.


I've considered changing majors so that I'll end up as an arms dealer. This is what I think of the world at this point. I want it to burn. I want it to end. Girls never help you out when shit gets awkward. They don't tell you what you did wrong.

I've read and tried the shit in pua books. It never helped.


Now I've got a list of issues that I just can't get over. I don't know how. I have no confidence. I assume everyone will shut me down and show no interest. I assume no girl wants to fuck me. Because in the past this is usually how it happens.

I can't be friends with any girl I like because otherwise I'll get suicidally depressed and try to kill myself. I'm angry and upset with the world all the time because I've been such a nice person and no one fucking cared. I was still nice cause that just who I am and I don't get laid. I don't get girls. I get friends.

when I stopped being nice girls said that was why they didn't like me. I didn't care enough. When I tried and was considerate I was told I was too nice. So I fight the urge to do considerate things for people.

I really don't fucking get it.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 2:53 pm 
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Quote:
I was drunk off my ass walking to my friend house to get even drunker and crying. I left the bar cause I was fed up. I'd had enough of this bullshit. I look at my text messages and wanted to crush my phone. I wanted to destroy the world that night.

This was monday, my birthday. I'm 29 years old, my birthday is october the 8th and I've never once had sex on my birthday.

About a week ago I'd met some girl, Ali, at a birthday party for someone else. We chatted about zombies, video games, movies, and she told me how she likes the hentai rooms at anime cons and how orgies usually break out. Ali is cute and I can connect with her. So I mentioned that I liked her only to here "I'm not looking for a relationship right now." I mentioned this maybe a few days later while talking to her on facebook for probably the third time.

Whatever. I started talking to this girl Taylor I'd met a week before that. She was getting flirty and insinuating sexual things and I mentioned I thought she was cute and she says she's not looking for anything and I live to far away.

My ex and friend amy messages me. I'm pretty frustrated at this point. I'm in love with Amy. She knows this. She says she likes me but has been hurt too much and isn't ready for anything and that I live too far away.

Well, no one fucking likes me. I don't fucking get it.

My birthday. I just wanna get laid for a change on my birthday. It's never once happened to me. I go out and girls I approach are dating someone, too busy talking to their friends, or just not fucking interested in me for whatever fucking reason. Some just ignore me when I say anything I have to say.

I wanted to kill myself that night.
I just got really wasted instead. Went to my friends and got even drunker. Then went on OkCupid and ever message I sent got no reply.

Then my little brother is telling me how I try too fucking hard. Someone else says I don't try enough. No one gives advice that's concrete and not vague. Ali I just cut off contact with cause it was making me really suicidally depressed, same with taylor and amy. I don't want to talk to girls that aren't interested in me.

Then there's doug. My asshole fucking friend who cheats on his girlfriend [who knows he's cheating btw], has no job, no car, is homeless but crashes at friends houses, spends all the money he gets on booze, weed, and acid, steals from people, and lies all the time. But this jackass gets laid all the fucking time.

Apparently goals, a nice car, nice clothes, morals, loyalty, honesty, etc.. Those things don't matter. So If I go finish school, get a nice car, house, job, clothes, etc. I'm still lacking whatever the fuck it is that girls fucking want.


I've considered changing majors so that I'll end up as an arms dealer. This is what I think of the world at this point. I want it to burn. I want it to end. Girls never help you out when shit gets awkward. They don't tell you what you did wrong.

I've read and tried the shit in pua books. It never helped.


Now I've got a list of issues that I just can't get over. I don't know how. I have no confidence. I assume everyone will shut me down and show no interest. I assume no girl wants to fuck me. Because in the past this is usually how it happens.

I can't be friends with any girl I like because otherwise I'll get suicidally depressed and try to kill myself. I'm angry and upset with the world all the time because I've been such a nice person and no one fucking cared. I was still nice cause that just who I am and I don't get laid. I don't get girls. I get friends.

when I stopped being nice girls said that was why they didn't like me. I didn't care enough. When I tried and was considerate I was told I was too nice. So I fight the urge to do considerate things for people.

I really don't fucking get it.
BULLSHIT!

Your goal is not to look for sex or a woman but merely to look for and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

Please read this post;

the-irony-of-the-obsession-with-getting ... highlight=

You are horny, causing you to be outcome dependent!

Relax, you can do this.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 4:25 pm 
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Posts: 1012
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You are limiting yourself inside your own head! You have convinced yourself that you "CANNOT" do this, when in fact, you are more than capable of not only having sex on your birthday, but having it with multiple women on the same day and even at the same time! The only person holding you back is that little tiny thought inside of your head!

If you think negatively, your results will meet your expectations.
If you think positively, positive things will follow.

_________________
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All girl's are Freaks...It is your job to bring it out in them! - Crypto

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 9:45 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2012 10:08 pm
Posts: 44
Location: Hazze
I know exactly how you feel.
I can tell though, your using the game to look for a relationship, not just to use women for pleasure...

and this is where i fucked up too. it can't work, it will not ever work. once you are part of the game, and you use it to get a girl, it's like building a house on a turtles back. it's really hard.

but depression is cause by you focusing on yourself too much. go out and focus on how you can help others, and really don't care about yourself. the world will then give back to you what you give to it.

deep shit by Hazze

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2012 11:32 am 
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Joined: Fri Apr 29, 2011 4:37 pm
Posts: 343
Location: Lorain, OH
Quote:
You are limiting yourself inside your own head! You have convinced yourself that you "CANNOT" do this, when in fact, you are more than capable of not only having sex on your birthday, but having it with multiple women on the same day and even at the same time! The only person holding you back is that little tiny thought inside of your head!

If you think negatively, your results will meet your expectations.
If you think positively, positive things will follow.
.....
When I talked to Ali I actually thought it would work out. I sincerely did. I was happy I met someone special and we'd see where shit took us. I thought I COULD do it and was lost in that moment.

Guess how far that got me?
Right now I'm still pretty enraged. It's not her really. It's the process of being shut down no matter what you do. No matter if you're just yourself. No matter if you're trying out something you learned in a pug. No matter how long you try and how much work. Each time it strikes you and eventually there's a wound. One that never heals. Because it never has the opportunity to heal. Now the slightest poke causes horrible pain.

And then there's the rage. It's very hard to think clearly when you're so angry all the time.

Thinking it will happen doesn't mean it will happen. That's just silly.
Shit didn't happen because I didn't say the right thing or I said the wrong thing. Because my body language was lacking or over bearing. Because my vocal tones were off. Because of a million and one things i did wrong or didn't do right.
Not because I didn't believe I could do it.

I played soccer for years. I was the worst player on the team the first game and sat on the bench. Well a lot of things were clear why I was on that bench. Slowest and least accurate shot, worst ball control, inability to head the ball correctly, poor field awareness, weak throw-ins. I knew of those things at that time. By next season I had the strongest most accurate shot, above average ball control, decent headers [still bad], the strongest throw-ins, and had studied games and played in pick-ups to gain better field awareness.

Still sat the bench. I had a strong belief I'd be a starter. But didn't realize that even though I worked on all my visible flaws I missed a few. Understanding came from a friend I met who knew more about soccer and understood things like I pass the ball to the wrong players at the wrong time. I take shots I shouldn't be taking because I'm too confident in my new found accuracy and power. And other things I wasn't aware I did. Not that I didn't believe I would be a starter.

So I worked out all the flaws I recently discovered. Then I was a starter. None of this is about believing or not believing. That's just silly.


I think I can get women but, like soccer, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. Side note: In soccer when I had a horrible shot I clearly understood it was bad. I didn't understand how to shoot the ball correctly, so just knowing of what you're doing wrong isn't always enough if you can't figure out what to do right. If I'm told what's wrong and figure it out it's the first step. If I find out what to do correct then it's just hard work and getting what I want.

Quote:
BULLSHIT!

Your goal is not to look for sex or a woman but merely to look for and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

Please read this post;

the-irony-of-the-obsession-with-getting ... highlight=

You are horny, causing you to be outcome dependent!

Relax, you can do this.
Water and sex are never a big deal unless you aren't getting any.
I don't get laid often and it's very frustrating. I don't understand why I don't get laid either. Which is even more rage inducing.

The barriers within may or may not be what's preventing me from getting laid. However not knowing which actions are useful and which are harmful surely has a lot to do with it.

I will be horny. I'm a human being [with a higher than average level of testosterone to boot]. My body makes that decision for me.

Quote:
I know exactly how you feel.
I can tell though, your using the game to look for a relationship, not just to use women for pleasure...

and this is where i fucked up too. it can't work, it will not ever work. once you are part of the game, and you use it to get a girl, it's like building a house on a turtles back. it's really hard.

but depression is cause by you focusing on yourself too much. go out and focus on how you can help others, and really don't care about yourself. the world will then give back to you what you give to it.

deep shit by Hazze
I don't buy that. My friend John read a lot of PUA and used it to find his fiance or many of his previous girlfriends. I want a relationship as much as meaningless sex with lots of girls.

The world is a cruel horrible place that doesn't care that I gave a blanket to a homeless man who needed it a few days ago, that I found 19 different people a job within the past 6 months while asking nothing in return, That I played a game of Smash brothers killed off all the competition then let my friend Matt think he finally beat me in a one on one match while he was having a shitty day and didn't even speak up when he went on his victory rant about how badly he beat all of us, that I stop my car immediately if I see someone walking down the highway and offer them a lift to the gas station so they can get gas for their car, that I generally do nice things for people.

No, the world doesn't give two flying fucks about that. The world likes to fist me in the ass with racist cops beating the shit out of me the summer after I turned 18 and slapping assault on an officer charges and many more on me because I was black in the wrong neighborhood thus preventing me from joining the military [any fucking branch] and making it a living hell to find a job. The world does fucked up shit at random. Karma is a lie.

Assholes get fucked over.
Nice guys get fucked.
Assholes get lucky.
Nice guys get lucky.

The world doesn't discriminate and karma isn't real. It's all random.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 4:46 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 23, 2012 4:29 am
Posts: 1
^ Bad philosophy


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 7:50 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 23, 2012 7:41 am
Posts: 2
Quote:
I was drunk off my ass walking to my friend house to get even drunker and crying. I left the bar cause I was fed up. I'd had enough of this bullshit. I look at my text messages and wanted to crush my phone. I wanted to destroy the world that night.

This was monday, my birthday. I'm 29 years old, my birthday is october the 8th and I've never once had sex on my birthday.

About a week ago I'd met some girl, Ali, at a birthday party for someone else. We chatted about zombies, video games, movies, and she told me how she likes the hentai rooms at anime cons and how orgies usually break out. Ali is cute and I can connect with her. So I mentioned that I liked her only to here "I'm not looking for a relationship right now." I mentioned this maybe a few days later while talking to her on facebook for probably the third time.

Whatever. I started talking to this girl Taylor I'd met a week before that. She was getting flirty and insinuating sexual things and I mentioned I thought she was cute and she says she's not looking for anything and I live to far away.

My ex and friend amy messages me. I'm pretty frustrated at this point. I'm in love with Amy. She knows this. She says she likes me but has been hurt too much and isn't ready for anything and that I live too far away.

Well, no one fucking likes me. I don't fucking get it.

My birthday. I just wanna get laid for a change on my birthday. It's never once happened to me. I go out and girls I approach are dating someone, too busy talking to their friends, or just not fucking interested in me for whatever fucking reason. Some just ignore me when I say anything I have to say.

I wanted to kill myself that night.
I just got really wasted instead. Went to my friends and got even drunker. Then went on OkCupid and ever message I sent got no reply.

Then my little brother is telling me how I try too fucking hard. Someone else says I don't try enough. No one gives advice that's concrete and not vague. Ali I just cut off contact with cause it was making me really suicidally depressed, same with taylor and amy. I don't want to talk to girls that aren't interested in me.

Then there's doug. My asshole fucking friend who cheats on his girlfriend [who knows he's cheating btw], has no job, no car, is homeless but crashes at friends houses, spends all the money he gets on booze, weed, and acid, steals from people, and lies all the time. But this jackass gets laid all the fucking time.

Apparently goals, a nice car, nice clothes, morals, loyalty, honesty, etc.. Those things don't matter. So If I go finish school, get a nice car, house, job, clothes, etc. I'm still lacking whatever the fuck it is that girls fucking want.


I've considered changing majors so that I'll end up as an arms dealer. This is what I think of the world at this point. I want it to burn. I want it to end. Girls never help you out when shit gets awkward. They don't tell you what you did wrong.

I've read and tried the shit in pua books. It never helped.


Now I've got a list of issues that I just can't get over. I don't know how. I have no confidence. I assume everyone will shut me down and show no interest. I assume no girl wants to fuck me. Because in the past this is usually how it happens.

I can't be friends with any girl I like because otherwise I'll get suicidally depressed and try to kill myself. I'm angry and upset with the world all the time because I've been such a nice person and no one fucking cared. I was still nice cause that just who I am and I don't get laid. I don't get girls. I get friends.

when I stopped being nice girls said that was why they didn't like me. I didn't care enough. When I tried and was considerate I was told I was too nice. So I fight the urge to do considerate things for people.

I really don't fucking get it.
Hey man,

Nothing is wrong with you. We're all human and suffer from similar worries. Just relax a little and keep in mind that whatever happens, it ain't gonna kill you.

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