Hey guys, I'm brand new to pick-up. I'm 19 years old, a freshman at a small university in WI, USA. A little back story and why I joined the forum...

My whole life I have been very social, and not really afraid to talk to people and meet my peers, especially girls. However, what's hurt me is that I lack self-confidence and I end up being put in the friend zone a lot. Another thing that's happened to me quite a bit is that a girl will tell me her feelings for me, but I have already put her in my friend zone. In other words, it has been very difficult for me to get the timing right where there's mutual attraction. My senior of high school I finally got a girlfriend that I fell hard for. She wasn't my first kiss but my first everything else – short of sex. We both decided to hold off on sex for reasons neither of us really know now (we've confessed to each other that we wish we would have... both of us are still virgins). Anyways, when I moved away last fall to start school, the distance was hard and I broke up with her about a month in over the phone.

Here's where the story gets complicated: A week after breaking up, her parents both died (her estranged father killed her mom and then committed suicide). I drove home to be with her and plan her mom's funeral. During that week, we basically got back together. A month or so later, I got overwhelmed with being one of her only support systems and broke things off again. Now, I'm starting to regret breaking up with her in the first place. We still talk all the time and the couple times I've seen her since winter break we've hooked up. We're set to have a talk about where we want to go with our relationship once I get back home.

Meanwhile, back at school, the depression that I have experienced since the tragedy in the fall has made me much more introverted. I still am social, but much less so than I used to be. Additionally, I have started to gain some AA issues. I'm in a fraternity, which helps my social status, but I have a hard time getting myself out there to play the game. I can still make friends that are girls, but have a hard time closing. One lucky break that I got was with a good friend of mine. I got her horny for me and we made out and stuff but nothing too major. She seemed to want to forget it though, so as to not ruin our friendship.

Anyways, I'm eager to see what the community has in store for advice. I'm not looking to become a PUA really, but I DO want to lose my virginity and figure out what to do with my ex. I generally want to improve my game but retain my interests, inner personality, gentlemanness, etc. I'm more interested in boosting my confidence rather than structured game.

Thanks for any advice!

Hey man. I read your story. Really tough, man. I'm sorry. I just graduated so I can help you out.

I would suggest that you open up to your friends or a counselor or a psychiatric professional for help with your depression.

If you're in a frat, you are already at a major advantage. First, conquer your AA by approaching with a neutral "I don't know if I've met you yet. I'm..." or "I've seen you around campus before but I've never met you. My name is..." Don't be pressured into hitting on the girl. Be social first. Create your own special group of friends.

Once you have that stable circle, then you can go out and game. If you don't want to worry about gaming, be natural, but remember to Kino-Escalate (from social, to friendly, to romantic touch, to kiss) so you stay out of the friend zone. Let her know that when you go out, it's the kind of thing between a man and a women (I used to fall into the friend zone a lot. I was afraid of rejection so I would just never let her know I liked her as more than a friend. Just remember that you want to be intimate with her and you don't want to hear about her boyfriend that just doesn't treat her right.)

You'll lose your virginity with time and persistence. Don't pressure yourself, and don't let people put you down if they know you haven't had sex.

You'll be fine, buddy.

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flash90

Thanks man. I'll be back home for 3 months working a lot so that will give me time to relax and come back ready to go. We'll see if I get back together with my ex because that would completely change things.