after reading through the forums i haven't found much on the topic of my problem. this is long, but please read and please offer whatever help or advice you have in mind.

i've never had many problems with women. i'm 30. i've had numerous lasting and significant relationships and a marriage over the past 15 years. i'm handsome and charismatic, educated, fun and women tend to chase me and not leave me alone (ever). i've never read much about pua, but i decided to look here because of the complexity of this relationship i'm in and with few answers and even less understanding, i figure i'll turn for advice from guys who view pickup and relationship management as an art form. i appreciate any and all constructive feedback. thanks in advance.

i have been dating this girl for a year. she's 28. she is a 10. for real. smoking hot, great job, educated, great style, deep, funny, fun, outgoing, great in bed, etc. shes from my home town and soon i will moving back.

we started talking last january as something casual and fun and it quickly turned into talking 8 hours a day and texting all day every day eventually escalating into something wholesome and meaningful. we began taking turns visiting each other. it wasn't long before she began telling me she loved me and i told her the same.

by late february she wanted to stop talking due to the distance. i was hurt, but i understood and left her alone. within a few days she was calling and texting again. things went right back to the way they were, but i could feel she was maintaining emotional distance and so i followed.

i went home to visit friends and family in late march. i saw her twice and we talked about things. i did a whole lot of puppy dog bullshit, but in the end told her that if we couldn't have a committed relationship i couldn't talk to her any longer. i left. she texted me on my way home and she called me a few nights later. i reminded her of what i said and that we shouldn't talk. three days later she called at 6am to tell me she couldn't stop thinking about me and that i meant so much to her and that she needed me in her life. she said i that i was the man of her dreams, the greatest she'd ever known, the greatest in bed, loved her and treated her the way she always wanted to be treated etc etc. things she still tells me today. i agreed to continue talking but on the terms of an "open and fun" relationship.

in may she had admitted to me that her ex-bf came back into the picture in february and thats why she wanted to stop talking. she said, however, that the bond we had established and the chemistry between us was too much to let go so she held on. i was of course understanding and accepting. she had said that she and her ex were no longer talking.

things continued. we visited each other a few more times and by july i heard from a friend that she was out with a group of women and talking bad about me while at the same time texting me sweet words and expressing love and affection. i was furious and told her i never wanted to talk again.

i went to miami with another woman in early august. she heard of this and texted me at 3am one morning and asked, "are you having a good time in miami with your new gf?" i was having a horrible time with this new girl. she was beautiful, but a real bitch. i had been missing her and i was drunk and vulnerable and replied with, "i should be having a great time, but the truth is i wish you were here." everything started again.

i drove back to my hometown the following day for a two week stay. we had a great time and everything was sex and i love you and you mean the world to me. i had a conversation with her mother one day while visiting and she told me that she had been having a hard time choosing between me and her ex and that i should hold on. this shocked me for obvious reasons. i didn't say a word of it to her and figured shed come out with it with time. i drove back to where i live and a week later a hurricane swept through and i was back home staying with her for a few days. as soon as i got back she suddenly doesn't know how she feels, doesn't know what shes doing, is confused, etc. i didn't express much. i just said call me when you are feeling better and we stopped talking for two weeks.

it was then in early october i heard from her and it was the same story, i love you. i miss you. you're my best friend. you mean the world to me. and so on. still no word of her ex's involvement in her life. she came to visit for thanksgiving. we had a great few days. she left me bawling her eyes out at the airport. for a week everything was warm and good and then she became distant, stopped saying she loved me and when i asked why we got in our first fight. it lasted for four days and in the end she told me to leave her alone.

for the first time during this relationship i didn't give her space. i waited 6 days and then blew up her phone with texts. a lot of puppy dog bullshit. she said i was acting psycho and scary and to leave her alone. i did so. two weeks had past and she called accusing me of hacking her email. it was insanely paranoid and i was flabbergasted. i told her it was nonsense and that i didn't deserve such accusations and when i asked why she thought it was me her response was, "i don't know."

she texted me the day after and said she felt guilty and no longer wanted to talk. i didn't respond. she called unexpectedly the next night. we got in another argument. she was very angry without reason, crying and laughing and acting crazy. it was the craziest conversation i've ever had. we hung up.

the next day she texted to say she was sorry and that she was crazy and didn't know what was wrong with her. i didn't respond. she texted again the next day to say she was sorry and she was thinking. i just replied with, "ok." she texted yesterday apologizing yet again and wishing a happy new year. i replied with, "ok. thanks. you too." she texted several hours later a pic of her and another happy new year and requested a pic of me. i sent a pic of me and my friends drinking. she started talking sexually to me and asking for a pic of my cock. i didn't respond.

today she texted apologizing about being sexual last night and she felt stupid because i didn't reply. i just said, "i enjoy talking that way with you like always, but don't you think we should talk before being that way again?" she responded with, "yes. you're right." that was 40 minutes ago and no longer any correspondence though i expect it soon.

the bottom line is this. i'm crazy about this woman. in 5 weeks i will be moving back home. i would like to develop a relationship that will lead to marriage with her. we have a very strong foundation already established. it is unquestionable that i mean very much to her and that she loves me. we have talked about marriage and children (neither of us have any).

my conclusion in all of this is that her ex is clearly still a part of her life though intermittent. i'm not sure if i'm her back door because of how often we talk and the words we exchange, but i need to do something about this obviously. she hasn't brought it up. i don't want to appear paranoid or anything. i also don't want to cross boundaries. what the hell do i do, guys? i know ultimatums are bad, but i feel as if a should issue one. this is a ridiculous amount of pushing and pulling and its taking a huge toll on my heart. what do i do to make her choose me over him? the guy is a douche. he has sexually, emotionally and physically abused her. he has never been good to her and belittles her and treats her without any respect. she sees all this and has told me, but as you all know holding on is easier than letting go.

right now. i'm starving her of my contact. we haven't talked much at all in 3 weeks. for two weeks straight we didn't exchange a single word. i know with her consistent texts the past 5 days and the sexual texts last night mean i will hear from her very soon. what should i say? what should i do? how should i act? as good as i've always been with women. i am at a total loss. i want this to work out, but i'm so confused and obviously i need advice. what do you guys think?