Several months ago, during the summer, I had met this girl I had been talking to briefly on a popular dating site. She's 20, I'm in my 30s and I initially almost passed-off on meeting her on account of the large age deferential (I wasn't looking for a hookup, as I am at a point where they're kinda meaningless).

One day we agreed to have an impromptu meeting - I picked her up outside the place she was living at with her girlfriends. It was around midnight, so it should have been obvious that this was a hookup of sorts. We ended up going back to my place after grabbing a bite to eat, and she stayed the night, in my bed cuddled up against me. over the next few weeks we saw each other nearly daily, and were very affectionate with each other wherever we went; I quickly forgot about her being so young, and allowed myself to get emotionally entrenched in her. We had sex only a few times, and both times it wasn't a particularly great experience but it didn't concern me overall as we both had the drive, but were not used to each others style.

After those few weeks of hanging out, I got upset with her for referring to me as a friend when she was conveying to me something she said to another friend of hers. Obviously i felt pretty hurt, and long story short (I don't need to bore u with all the particulars), I had to distance myself from her.

A month went by, albeit quite painfully for me (she became my kryptonite in such a short period of time, and I realized she could detach quite easily), after which I decided to contact her to see if she had wanted to chill (tried switching my expectations to relationship mode, to simply hanging out with a young girl & getting some pussy in the process).

She replied back that she would love to hang with me. Over the next few months we increasingly got to know each other much better, the emotional wall she had put up while we had dated was slowly lowering. Over the last while we've been seeing each other several times a week, and she often spends the night, in my bed alongside me - often times we spoon, her locking her legs between mine, caressing my feet with hers, or pulling my arms around her and playing with my fingers. We haven't had sex since meeting each other months ago. She knows I like her LIKE her because I've told her as much (it's kind of hard to contain), and I've done my best to be her friend with the addition of providing affection to her. The few times I've reminded her of how I feel towards her, she comes at me with solutions (e.g. "over time those feelings will fade, our caring for one another as friends is most important and to be cherished"). She insists that she doesn't want ANY romantic relationships right now, and spent a whole month of simply hooking up with guys to see if she could detach from the emotional pain her former relationships only brought her. I get that her and I have grown much closer over the past while, but it's really difficult to hear her talk about how one ex boyfriend of hers did this, and another did that - feel like the guy sitting outside looking in. Also, I fear that at some point her getting involved with another guy would cause me a lot of grief. I'm not even sure how to have an honest friendship with her when we never had that to begin with - her pretense to meeting me was to have sex with me, mine was for a relationship. It's complicated, I know...but the solution likely much simpler: To simply leave her be, and move on with my life.

I know it's probably what's healthiest for me, however part of me is hanging onto hope - wondering if there's SOMETHING or some THINGS I can do to seduce her. I'm not actively trying to romance her, I'm doing the friends thing with the infrequent flirtatious gesture, but nothing extreme. Her ability to be affectionate with me is obviously not helping matters but at the end of the night I realize she doesn't associate feelings of love with affection, and it's more a physical & emotional security thing for her.

She's told me in the past she's physically attracted to me, finds me highly intelligent, etc..etc.. blah blah blah but obviously she's not feeling that a desire to be with me romantically. She even told me prior to us meeting in person that she'd make a terrible girlfriend (it seems as though she's still grieving her first true love, a relationship that ended earlier this year and caused her to spiral into a deep depression, & thoughts of suicide). Lastly, she keeps alluding to having not dealt with some issue from her past that she cryptically describes as something she cherishes but "has been burdensome on others - she claims I'm the only one who actually knows that she's wrestling with this thing emotionally, but she refuses to tell me what it is - frustrating, I know, but I've learned to let go and give her that space.

As of the past week I made a decision to distance myself from her; becoming LESS available to her (in the past I've made myself available to her almost every time she wanted to hangout). I figure I need a bit of proximity from her for my own well-being, and also if I'm always around her it's unlikely she'd have any reason to miss me.


At this point, however, I'm not sure what course of action I should take in trying to win her over. If I should take a more passive approach and avoid her more, or be more active in pursuing her such as covertly seducing her.

Any ideas, suggestions, comments? Good god I'm letting this thing drive me crazzzzzzy!