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Hello my name is Ethan and i am psyched to be a part of this community. I am currently a decent looking guy who is looking to take his game to the next level and break a dry streak worse than the dust bowl in the midwest... My biggest problem is that i feel like i give the "nice guy" vibe off too much and I end up in one friend zone after the other or i will make out with the girl (actually made out with 3 girls in one night 2 weeks ago) but then that will be it. I dont know how to convert making out to the bed room or to a relationship. Bleehhhhhhh its frustrating. I am 20 years old and in a doctorate program so my time to have fun is ticking away!
Howdy young09ethan, and welcome to the community! You'll find a lot of great guys here with a tremendous amount of experience who are willing to help you in many ways, if you show a commitment to learning/practicing and sharing.
If you're in a doctoral program at 20 then you're a frickin' genius (I didn't start mine till I was 35, just finished last year). Problem is, your thinking will get in to your way. If you are like I was, then it's your thoughts which are limiting you, and you need to adopt and practice a new conceptual framework. If you have the time to read an excellent book, pick up The Art of Possibility... it's a book written by an extremely intelligent and accomplished couple (the Zanders) and it will help you to develop a mental framework that will make breaking down inner barriers much easier.
Fundamentally, you are going to need to get in touch with your animal sexual side and learn to let it out in a way that is attractive to women. You are making out with women, which is great, this means you are generating attraction in the women, which is a huge step many men never take. If you want to learn more about generating attraction so that women become unable to control their desire to be with you, read David DeAngelo's ebook "Double Your Dating".
But to get to sex, you need to express your animal lover... this means being in touch with it yourself. If you are like most people in PhD programs, you are probably all in your head all the time. You will need to begin a long-term program of developing an intense sensual side. Realize right now that women are intensely turned on by sexuality that is warmly wrapped up in SENSUALITY... they don't like emotionless physical activity that only produces bodily pleasure, instead they want to be turned on from the inside out, in a way that engages multiple senses and emotional centers. So, learn to become very sensual yourself. Start out simple... start getting really into the food you eat, loving every bite, sensually extracting every bit of flavor from everything you eat. You will be amazed at how something so simple could translate so powerfully into sex... because for a woman, sex is VERY closely related to eating and being eaten.
Other things: learn to give sensual massages to women... study up on it and become really good at it. Women LOVE this, they just freak out over it, and if you give a woman a good sensual massage, she will want to have you make love to her over and over again when you are done. And, she will tell her friends how good you are, and you'll suddenly have more girls interested than you can handle.
Another very important thing: learn to express your sexuality and desire/hunger for a woman in a way that turns her on, instead of off. A woman is usually going to be VERY turned on by a man who is highly confident and highly hungry for her (again, the hunger/food connection... she wants to feel like you, a very masculine, powerful man, are wanting to DEVOUR her). David DeAngelo has a great program on sexual communication, and you can also find videos on the web from various PUA gurus that focus on body language and flirtation. You will find that mastering the skills of body language and flirtation will open up frickin' WORLDS of sexuality in women... you will find sexuality absolutely everywhere all of a sudden. Check out the movie Roger Dodger... I'm not the only one who knows this.
Finally, find a man to model yourself on... study his ways of walking, talking, looking at people, holding himself, joking, flirting, seducing. Having a model is powerful, because it takes you out of the framework of "thinking" and into the framework of "doing/being". As an intellectual your big challenge will be to get out of your head and into your body (and ultimately, into hers).
Keep coming back for more advice/commentary/criticism, and be sure to post regularly in the other forum areas about your progress and field reports.
Cheers,
~50
CHAT