| I'm 38, divorced, and not terribly good looking. I'm a computer geek, but I do have social skills, and the people I work with tend to look up to me for solutions to problems, and for general advice. I think I'm well liked by the people who know me, but I don't have a large social circle. I don't go out to just have fun; I usually have a reason. I'm also very good at keeping myself entertained. I'm never bored. I tend to spend more time alone than the average person might. I talk less, and when I do speak, I have a purpose to it. Idle chat isn't something I'm practiced at.
I've had a few relationships since getting divorced, all with much younger women who found my personality attractive once I opened up to them a bit. These relationships all ended, basically because of maturity differences. I'm a comfortable person to be around, supportive, a good listener, intelligent and considerate. I'm patient. Younger women seem to value excitement and spontaneity over these traits more than women closer to my own age might. Which is understandable. Youth is like that.
I don't see myself becoming a pick up artist. I'm not interested in one-night-stands, nor in bedding as many women as I can. I'm interested in meeting someone I'm very compatible with, who can love me back, and who might be someone I could build a long term relationship with that would be good for both of us. Fortunately, that's not unusual here.
The key to meeting that special woman, though, is finding her, and to find her I'll have to talk to, get to know, and probably date many women who AREN'T her, first. The more women I meet, the more likely it is I'll find the one I'm looking for. That's where the techniques you guys are using might benefit me, I think. You try get women to open up to you about what they want and who they are, and you get them to do that quickly without wasting time on useless traditional courtship games. You deal directly with how attraction works.
I've been reading a few threads on this site, and, honestly, my first impression was "Bullshit." I'm probably not alone there, either.
So, today at lunch, I noticed a reasonably attractive woman waiting on her order. She had a little smile on her face and seemed lost in thought. No wedding ring. Probably 35 years old. Someone I'd never strike up a conversation with. I'd be too nervous.
I've read over the newbie mission, but saying hello has never been hard for me. Starting conversations with strangers, though, has always been a little intimidating. I figured, what the hell. I'll try talking to her and see what happens. She might hit me and call the police, who would laugh at her for overreacting. That's the worst possible scenario, and I'd survive it just fine.
I'd noticed her smile and liked it, so rather than concocting something else to talk about, I looked over at her, grinned a little, and said "So you're standing there with this little half-smile on your face that's really kind of adorable. You're either having an awesome day, or you absolutely LOVE Chinese food. Which is it?"
She laughed a little and said she was just thinking about all the things she's got to get done today. I responded with "So it's hectic, stressful afternoons that you enjoy so much? You're not normal, are you?" Her smile got even bigger. We talked about what she did for a living and what she liked about it, and the conversation ended quite naturally when my order came up. I didn't try to get a number from her or anything. It was a short, pleasant conversation that I think we both enjoyed, and I hope it brightened her day as much as it did mine. She smiled throughout the entire chat, and shot me a big grin later on her way out the door. She really did have a beautiful smile.
The only compliment I paid her was the initial one, which I sort of dropped on her in a context that made responding to it directly difficult -- she just had to accept it gracefully and address the rest of the question. I did find myself interested in her, but instead of feeling anxious about that, I chose to enjoy it, and consciously let it show in my expressions and body language. I didn't stifle myself. She responded in kind, and I really enjoyed that. I think that if I'd chosen to continue things with her, I might have done rather well, but I was just trying to see if the attitudes recommended here would work for me, or if they were complete crap.
Well, they work. At least, they work when I'm talking to someone attractive who's in the mood for conversation. And I think she was in an even better mood when she left that she was when I met her. I felt successful.
So here I am, creating an account, joining the community here, and saying hello. Hello, Pick-up Artists. I like what you're doing here. I think I'll stick around a while.
Chipjack
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CHAT