I'm 33 and need to get in the "game". I am not out of shape, ugly and do not have a criminal record. I have multiple college degrees - and am becoming established in my career.

Most of my life energies have been devoted to creating something out of myself - so, here I am. I grew up in an ultra conservative, christian environment that didn't really respect you unless you had a college degree and were married with children. In this environment if you're a single male - you're sinful if you're dating and going after women, or you're a freak/weird because you haven't been able to make anything happen. Because of this and other things (mentioned further below) I have had no real confidence in making something happen with females. I am not a virgin - I paid for sex twice overseas while in the military but was drunk and didn't enjoy it & never want to pay for it again. I am getting tremendous pressure from family to go to church, but I always feel like when I go, everyone knows that I'm there to try & find a mate (and there never seem to be any there with the right stuff anyway). I feel like I really want to sow my wild oats and get a lot of stuff out of my system - and this is incompatible with the good churchgoing christian life. But if I seriously pursue the good churchgoing christian life, I will never experience what I've worked so hard to do: build a career with a good salary that women will find attractive, and actually enjoy the company of plenty of females before settling on the right one for the long term.

I have a tremendous amount of baggage from my youth that I need to break through. I am definitely attracted to attractive women with the right kind of personality.....I'm just a major coward. A lot of this stems from my upbringing in the environment I mentioned above - coupled with the fact that I was "perped" as a child, molested by a neighbor boy (forced to perform blowjobs on him a couple times) . I also had some neighbor friends with which I would look at playboys to get erections - and I remember one of them had me put my penis in his anus (keep in mind that this was not true homosexual activity - we did not get aroused by each others penises or anuses). This was young males with poor role models trying to figure out a major life function....at any rate, these playboy reviews and the corresponding activity happened a couple of times also. As far as baggage from sexual dysfunction - that pretty much does it.

As for role models, I never had any real role models growing up. My father is in the advanced stages of Parkinson's Disease - and he was never a good mentor when it came to pursuing women in the first place. He has had the disease my entire life and it has become progressively worse. My mother, because of my father's condition, was the more dominant parent in the household - extremely religious and holier than thou on virtually every issue. My older brothers were no good either - they never had real girlfriends in high school & junior high - and I learned about girls & sex & masturbation from their porn tapes in my junior high and early high school years. I guess the occasional masturbation from the internet porn has helped me get through some difficult periods in my life but it's not something I like (feeling of orgasm yes, pulling my cock - no).

If anyone can offer some good suggestions after reading the above & help me with some constructive guidance in light of my baggage....I'd be very appreciative. I'm looking for guidance in pursuing educated, attractive females (a major challenge - they all seem to be married) and having enlightened, meaningful & sensual relationships.

Jammer