| ...And here I am. 24-year-old RAFC (see? I know some stuff.) with a fairly difficult, tumultuous, checkered, strange history with women. Little confidence growing up; most of it was ground out of me by the kids at school, family took the rest. Didn't really have friends growing up, which was difficult because I'm actually not a loner and never have been, so of course the forced loneliness made me depressed and needy, which is never an attractive place to start.
Not conventionally good-looking, but I think I'm rather attractive in a left-of-center sort of way, and can actually be very handsome when I'm in a good mood and it's showing through. I used to think I was the ugliest thing on two feet but I've come to realize that's actually not true. Though to even things out a bit more, I've cultivated a strong sense of style and dress very well to enhance what's already there. I'm tall and quite thin, which used to be a real problem but girls seem to like that a lot these days.
I'm not an alpha male type, and it's still a struggle coming to terms with the fact that I never will be. At 24, I'm kinda upscale, I dress up a lot, I hang out at jazz clubs, I do the wine thing...you know. I can adapt when the situation calls for it, but at default that's who I am. It's all very "Frasier." I've learned to love myself, but it's a big issue because it leads to awful pigeonholing. At best I default to "the classy friend." Everyone thinks it sounds so wonderful, but being classy's an awful burden--everyone wants you at their parties for that crisp edge you bring, the cool contrast to everyone else, but nobody thinks (or necessarily wants) to call you when they're just knockin back a pitcher at the corner bar. All the girls love having you around because you're so sharply funny (and occasionally wildly profane and dirty) and such a good listener and such a gentleman, but you might as well have those sealed-on Ken-doll underwear because it's never occurred to them that you have a dick. At worst, it does occur to them but they think you're gay. It blows; it's hard trying to be Cary Grant in a frat-boy world. I spent years trying to fight it but it's so ingrained within me that it's not worth trying to be someone else; I need to figure out how to embrace it and make it work for me. I know there's a niche somewhere in there, that The Classy Guy can TOTALLY vibe with lots of girls, even in ways more mainstream types can't, but I just...you know, I just haven't really found that path yet.
My three major saving graces over the years have been my sense of humor, my tendency to analyze things (though that can also be a hindrance sometimes), and the constant desire to improve myself. Because I want so much to understand things and become better, become more, I've done a lot of work on myself over the years and have come a long way from that guy in high school. I have a lot of friends now, a very active social life, some really unique hobbies, I'm making a lot of noise locally in my career, and over time I've developed a big strength--in the right mood, I can be very charismatic. I have something magnetic--I am ALWAYS noticed when I walk into a room...I carry this "something" that's bigger than life, and when I'm at or near my best, people just want to be around me, want to know me, laugh and have a drink with me.
...In spite of all that, I'm still having, let's face it, a suck-ass time with girls. I have never known ANYone else with luck as bad as mine...friends tell me that too. I'd never even had sex or any real relationship until this time two years ago. In both of the relationships I've had, I settled (in terms of looks, personality, everything) because I was needy and didn't think I'd get another chance--and worse, everyone KNEW I'd settled. I've actually dated a fair amount and gotten my share of numbers in the last couple of years, but I just can't close. I can't. I almost always fail. If--IF I get the number, I often can't get her to answer the phone after that. And if I get her on a date, there IS no second date. I've had a lot of first dates lately, and not a lot else.
I don't really have a grasp of what I'm doing wrong, but I need to figure it out and change it. I'm still young enough to make up for lost time and have a hell of a lot of fun doing it. I just gotta get wise. I actually got into the PUA game for just a few months before I met my ex a couple years back, and I was starting to see results, but when I met her I promptly dropped it and forgot everything I'd learned. I think I have a lot to work with...I just don't really know what I'm doing. Hopefully I can work on that here.
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CHAT
