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20/m/san diego nerd needs major help
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Author:  streetspirit87 [ Sun Oct 28, 2007 8:27 am ]
Post subject:  20/m/san diego nerd needs major help
ok, so i saw the pickup artist on vh1 and got hooked, listened to the game audio book, and found this site...

i rly need ur help. i have no life. im a virgin computer nerd hooked on video games. im pale, skinny, short, and have some acne. i havent dated or even flirted w/ a girl in 3 years. my friends went off to college in a totally different area than me, and im currently not taking classes.

some bkground stuff: i changed highschools 3 times, once because i got jumped (im not a trouble maker and didnt even attempt to punch back). the hs i ended up at was tiny; social groups had already formed, and i ended up being a loner. i was diagnosed w/ major depression when i was young, and its recently become overwhelming to the point that ive had suicidal thoughts (i am currently working a program to deal w/ this). my dad is a functional alcoholic who drinks to numb his social anxiety. his drinking played the main role in my parents' separation, which happened right after i graduated from hs. my dad and i rarely bonded, and certainly never discussed topics like women/sex/etc.

alright, so now i dont have much to hide. i very much need some help. i want to be interacting with women but im too damn critical of myself right now. i didnt used to be like this! i used to have no trouble talking to/flirting with/getting girls. now, even thinking about talking sexually w/ a woman is like this huge taboo in my mind that i feel the need to cover up... and i cant fking take it anymore! :/

idk where to start, i dont know what i need to do, i dont know if i know that i dont know.

PLEASE HELP THIS AFC!!!
Author:  The Doctor [ Sun Oct 28, 2007 11:10 am ]
Post subject: 
Welcome,

If I could give you three concepts to always remember in this journey they would be:

Practice makes Perfect
The only failures are experiences we don't learn from
and A journey of 1000 miles starts with one step...

And you my friend have taken your first step.

Study, practice and take babysteps in the beggining... I'm sure others will chime in with some suggestions for more quality material for you to read (Magic Bullets, Mystery Method etc...), but I just wanted to give you a little encouragement to start with.
Author:  Chelsea [ Sun Oct 28, 2007 9:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 20/m/san diego nerd needs major help
Quote:
ok, so i saw the pickup artist on vh1 and got hooked, listened to the game audio book, and found this site...

i rly need ur help. i have no life. im a virgin computer nerd hooked on video games. im pale, skinny, short, and have some acne. i havent dated or even flirted w/ a girl in 3 years. my friends went off to college in a totally different area than me, and im currently not taking classes.

some bkground stuff: i changed highschools 3 times, once because i got jumped (im not a trouble maker and didnt even attempt to punch back). the hs i ended up at was tiny; social groups had already formed, and i ended up being a loner. i was diagnosed w/ major depression when i was young, and its recently become overwhelming to the point that ive had suicidal thoughts (i am currently working a program to deal w/ this). my dad is a functional alcoholic who drinks to numb his social anxiety. his drinking played the main role in my parents' separation, which happened right after i graduated from hs. my dad and i rarely bonded, and certainly never discussed topics like women/sex/etc.

alright, so now i dont have much to hide. i very much need some help. i want to be interacting with women but im too damn critical of myself right now. i didnt used to be like this! i used to have no trouble talking to/flirting with/getting girls. now, even thinking about talking sexually w/ a woman is like this huge taboo in my mind that i feel the need to cover up... and i cant fking take it anymore! :/

idk where to start, i dont know what i need to do, i dont know if i know that i dont know.

PLEASE HELP THIS AFC!!!
Im close to you in Escondido PM me.
Author:  Rapture [ Sun Oct 28, 2007 10:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
Currently, I'm still in HS. But, I used to be really critical about myself as well until I took a good look at myself and decided "what the hell do I care what people think of me? If they like me, great, if not, then they lost the chance to make friends with a cool person." Just go out and talk to random people on the street. Say random things, introduce yourself to anyone and everyone you see. Most of the time, you will never see the person again, so what do you care? And for those who stay and chat, talk it up with them, who knows what could happen? Once I started doing these things my confidence really shot up. As for your dad, you don't need that kind of negative influence in your life.

Good luck man, and remember, when your going through hell, keep going. It's the only way you will ever get out.
Author:  Ziggy [ Sun Oct 28, 2007 10:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
I was in your shoes a while back and I've made the turnaround after a lot of hard work. It's not going to be an easy fix, and you're going to have to really kick your ass and push forward through all obstacles. If you have any specific questions, post them or PM me.
Author:  L.A. Tripp [ Mon Oct 29, 2007 1:38 am ]
Post subject: 
Yo man, you've got a peronal invite from Chelsea to PM her. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT! She can help you.
Author:  streetspirit87 [ Mon Oct 29, 2007 7:10 am ]
Post subject: 
thanks for the replies, all

i saw chelsea's pm and i look forward to talking w/ her
Author:  L.A. Tripp [ Mon Oct 29, 2007 7:53 am ]
Post subject: 
Don't wait man. Shoot one over to her. That way it's there and waiting for when she has a chance to read it.
Author:  Close [ Mon Oct 29, 2007 11:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: 20/m/san diego nerd needs major help
Quote:
idk where to start, i dont know what i need to do, i dont know if i know that i dont know.
Well, You identify your own problems (below) so a good place to start is probably tackling those ...
Quote:
i rly need ur help. i have no life. im a virgin computer nerd hooked on video games. im pale, skinny, short, and have some acne. i havent dated or even flirted w/ a girl in 3 years. my friends went off to college in a totally different area than me, and im currently not taking classes.

I want to be interacting with women but im too damn critical of myself right now. i didnt used to be like this! i used to have no trouble talking to/flirting with/getting girls. now, even thinking about talking sexually w/ a woman is like this huge taboo in my mind that i feel the need to cover up... and i cant fking take it anymore! :/
So, lets break it down into problem/solution... (I have missed out problems which I don't think are actually a problem, e.g. short)

o Computer Nerd hooked on video games - Lessen computer usage, take up other hobbies to fill up your time, e.g. cooking.
o Pale - Get outside more, or if you have naturally pale skin, go fake tan.
o Skinny - Use the time you have shaven off computer usage to go to a gym. Your new cooking hobby could also help bulk you up :wink:
o Acne - See your doctor about acne, its not arkward at all. Infact I suffer from acne and am seeing my doctor about it again today. Its worked wonders to my skin, and i'm only dissapointed I didn't see him sooner about it than I did.
o Small social circle - Go out to bars, clubs, parties, gatherings more. Talk to everyone, make friends.
o Can't interact with women - Force yourself to talk to everyone, if you become more confident in general, you will become more confident with women.
o Cant talk about anything sexual with a woman - When yor social circle increases in size, you will have loads of girl-friends. Use these to talk to about sexual stuff, and increase your confidence.
Author:  3 hands [ Mon Oct 29, 2007 11:29 am ]
Post subject: 
I would say the GYM is a great place to start! Go to the big gym with loads of people. Just talk to the people there a bit. Get a personal trainer there if you can afford one, This hired person will A: get you some intel and muscle! B: it will make you look better, because your already talking to someone.
Author:  They Call Me Lucid [ Mon Oct 29, 2007 11:52 am ]
Post subject: 
read the book "think and grow rich" or just download the audio book which is like 2 hours long. it is amazing with goal setting and stuff like that. in there they said if you desire something for yourself, dont just expect it to happen. nothing is free so you have to work out what you need to sacrifice in order to get what you want. so you can say to yourself, i want to be successful with being social and i am willing to give up video games and my comfort zone. it is really hard but make a goal for you to reach within a year and work on it. i used to play the computer game counter strike for 40+ hours a week. i'm no nerd but i definitely looked at myself and said that i am getting nowhere with video games as fun as they may be. i then cut out this time and found a part time job for money while i'm in school and used the rest of the time to hang out with friends and go to parties to use some of the money i have gained. i literally went to a party with my friend on friday where i didnt know anyone and by the end of the night i had talked to all but maybe 4 people there. all this game takes is a little time, courage, and some major goal setting. again... i highly suggest downloading think and grow rich. good luck buddy
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