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Online dating query
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Author:  oftoronto [ Tue Oct 09, 2007 11:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Online dating query

Hi Rye (and anyone else who might have some advice!):

First, some context. I'm 23, straight and male. Pretty much zero relationship history and a virgin. Other than that, I'm good on paper -- employed, healthy, not hideous.

So the situation is I met a girl through an online dating service, where I made initial contact with her. We e-mailed a couple times and have now gone out on five dates (over the course of a month and a half).

I really like her. Problem is, I haven't made ANY moves yet. We are rarely physical and I'm too chickenshit to move beyond a hug goodbye (a hug hello already seems awkward). It never seemed like the right time to give her a kiss, since we have only gone out on brunch/lunch/afternoon movie dates. Every time I walk her home, it's boiling hot outside her building, crowded with tourists and generally the SPAM is obnoxious.

Anyways, we only see one another once every one or two weeks, since she lives about 1.5 hours away for school.

I'm beginning to think I'm unwillingly transitioning into a "friend." Not sure I've been getting any indications of IOI, other than the fact she e-mails me a lot, but again -- totally friendship territory, right?

I owe her a dinner since she paid last time, so there's definitely another date on the horizon. (She asked me out, but I wasn't free this week when she was back). Any tips on what I should do to move forward with this when we meet again? I've never pulled a move on a girl before and don't know where to begin...

This should seem easy because at least we met under the pretext of a Dating Website, but I'm probably moving too slow for her...

Author:  oftoronto [ Tue Oct 09, 2007 11:34 pm ]
Post subject: 

Shit, I meant to post this in the "Ask Rye" threat, not begin a new one.

My bad, I'm a newbie.

Author:  InnerPunk [ Thu Oct 11, 2007 3:38 am ]
Post subject: 

hey man, I'm far from being an expert, and I'm no rye :) but I'll give my take... From what I've seen and heard, if your shy with kino escaltion early on, the harder and more awkward it is later... Even though i dont think your done for. I mean she is still going out with you, but you are very likely in or near the friends zone. I would just make it a point to show that you are interested and work in a much more kino. Dont make it more awkward then it is and just do it. Start with stuff like the lint pick and rogue eyelash picks.
but i defer to the experts...

Author:  Arkitekt [ Thu Oct 11, 2007 2:08 pm ]
Post subject: 

It does look like the downward spiral into the friend's zone, but
you do kind of have a few things going for you if you ask me.

1. You only see each other once every 1 or 2 weeks. You're not
blasting her with calls or asking her out all the time are you? Maybe
she's thinking you're being very casual about it. Who knows?

2. You proved at least once that you were unavailable.

3. You have distance between one another. Makes it easier for
you not to get attached to her.

I generally agree with InnerPunk's comments. I will add that you
should look for reciprocation from her when escalating kino. If you
gently touch her on the shoulder and she doesn't act back by
touching you in some way, then you can't just escalate into a
hand hold. It's a back-and-forth.

If/when you've built attraction, keep your interest level just a notch
or two BELOW hers. She has to be just a little more interested in you
than you are her. This will work to your advantage because she'll be
more likely to make the first move.

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