PUA Forum
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/

Pseudo-Long-Distance Dating
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=66029		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Onoma [ Mon Apr 19, 2010 6:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Pseudo-Long-Distance Dating
Met this girl through eHarmony, and we've only gone out twice in about 3 weeks because she's been really busy. In the meantime we've been in near-constant email communication. Now she's saying that it's going to be really hard to make time to see each other, because she has a bunch of plans she made before we met.

Basically she wants to just limit things to email/phone for 4 weeks. Personally I'm not that sure it's a good idea. She says she's done LDRs before and is comfortable with it, but I know momentum is important in these things and that it's all too easy to just become a pen pal or just a friend.

I don't think there's much real choice in the matter. I know next week she'll be out of town, and the week after her mother is visiting from Vietnam... not sure what's up for the weeks after that. But I don't want to just agree like a AFC either. Not do I want to act like it's that big of a deal and appear needy.

Any thoughts on how best to handle this?
Author:  Onoma [ Mon Apr 19, 2010 11:04 pm ]
Post subject: 
Have a huge tendency not to get a reply on here until just after I've written/texted/called the girl... so figured maybe if I wrote it but didn't send it I'd get a reply here and some useful feedback!

HEre's what I was thinking:
Quote:
It's not too big a deal if we don't see each other for a while. Honestly I think that puts up a bit of a barrier in starting a relationship, but not really much we can do about it is there? Maybe if you do end up having a little free time just let me know and we can do a quick lunch or dinner or something. On the bright side, this gives me plenty of time to spend with my other girls... ;)
Attempting to come of as unconcerned, point out that I think it's not a great idea, and a little cocky funny (I hope) reminder that I probably have other options...

Gotta go, thanks in advance!
Author:  Sambuca [ Tue Apr 20, 2010 10:38 am ]
Post subject: 
You're accepting that she doesn't want to see you, and letting her know you'll still be waiting around if she has "a little free time". Seems a bit weak tbh... you're telling her she has you on a leash. Also a lot of girls won't like the implication that you're dating other girls, even if it's jokey.

What you need to do is just say "OK, cool, whatever" and not appear needy. If you're interested in a relationship, you'd probably get huge brownie points if you took her AND her mom out :)
Author:  Onoma [ Tue Apr 20, 2010 2:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ok, you make a lot of sense. Went with:
Quote:
t's no big deal if we can't see each other for a bit. At the very least it'll keep things from moving too fast, right? ;) I was thinking though, I should take you and your mom out for dinner one night. So let me know what a good night for that would be and I'll make a reservation somewhere nice.
Author:  Sambuca [ Tue Apr 20, 2010 3:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
It's nice to offer to take her and her mom out, but you should have given her the chance to say no. You would still have got brownie points for offering, even if she said no. Now you've basically denied her the opportunity to decline and jumped right into asking what day would be best :S If she doesn't want to, she is gonna freak out and go "Omg, how do I tell this guy I don't want him to meet my mom yet". If you don't hear from her, that's why - she's wondering how to turn you down, because you haven't left her any room to do that.
Author:  Onoma [ Tue Apr 20, 2010 3:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
Isn't that being assertive? I'm sure she can come up with a "oh we've already got every night planned out" or something if she needs to.
Page 1 of 1 All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
http://www.phpbb.com/