PUA Forum :: How can I avoid being the rebound guy?

Hey man!

I've had some experience with this and I'll try to give you my best on this one,
Cause its sucks when it happens...

This is pretty extreme and in the long run you wount be able to do it
(for me it lasted 6 months).

Met a girl at club that I had met a couple of years earlier, we actually had a date once.. But since I was bigtime AFC back then nothing happend.

We made out at the club. Hooked up for coffee two days later.
She came over to my place a week after that. Dinner, sex...

She was just out of a relationship and kept talking about how she didnt want anything serious right now.. (the same old story...)
I told her I was fine with this.
I had even told her this the first night we met at the club when she was telling me she was now single again.
I did never call her for the first few weeks. If she wanted to see me, she was the one to call.

After two months she asked me if I was seeing any other girls while dating her.
I told her that I did. Cause it was true.
She cried a bit first, but when I told her that I hadnt had sex with any of them or even kissed them she was now again okey.

Two months went by and we kept hanging out, and I began to notice how she started to like me more and more as she invested in me.

So one day she tells me: I want this to get serious, and I need to know that you love me or we cant continue seeing eachother.
This was of course a result of me controlling the frame.
She was used to boss guys around and this was her absolute last weapon for disarming me.

The correct thing here would have been to tell her that I was unsure if I loved her, but that I liked her very much and enyojed her company. Then I still would have been in control since she pretty had told me she loved me.

But...
I didn't. I told her I loved her, cause I did.
And here's what happend.

The next week she stopped calling me like she did before.
We didnt have as much sex as before.
She was all of a sudden busy doing things and couldn't see me.
1,5 month later she brooke up with me - on Christmas eve.

You need to be in control.. and dont look for a GF in someone who has to be in control of the frame, cause after a while - if mutal feelings dont develop the game you have to play to keep the balance in the relationship wount be good for you, as a person.

Author:	antic [ Tue Aug 11, 2009 12:50 pm ]
Post subject:	How can I avoid being the rebound guy?
What's the best way to ensure a HB who is just out of a relationship isn't just using you as the rebound guy? This has happened to me three times now and I just met another HB who is fresh out of a relationship Do I just turn and run, or do I hang out with her and risk being the rebound guy?

Author:	Tnvir [ Wed Aug 12, 2009 3:06 am ]
Post subject:
Don't even think about being the rebound guy.. game her like you would any other girl : )

Author:	Visionxxxxxx [ Thu Aug 13, 2009 6:21 pm ]
Post subject:
normally i would say stay away from girls with baggage....ie. just come out of a relationship. there are however exceptions... to me the question i ask myself is: WHY did they break up...now this can be a little personal to ask too soon but try and probe by reciprocation. (you tell her something on the topic and she will naturally reciprocate back). 4 main reasons for break up... 1. they are still madly in love, but its not working out cos they fight too much and are just too different from one another. 2. she is madly in love with him but he left her as he doesnt love her anymore 3. he is madly in love with her but she left him as she doesnt love him anymore 4. they both are not keen on each other and simply grew apart, out of love. You only want to get involved with 3 and 4's! this is my theory that i go by anyway. If she still has feelings for her ex, dont go near her. i have hurt alot of girls by using them as my rebound when my ex and i kept breaking up and making up. its not cool on them. And you are the rebound in this case!

Author:	Athar [ Thu Aug 13, 2009 7:13 pm ]
Post subject:
You could just consider having sex with her and leave it at that.

Author:	antic [ Fri Aug 14, 2009 2:12 pm ]
Post subject:
This is bullshit, it's happening again. The girl I speak of came home with me on the night I met her and then stayed over the next night too. She was so into me for the first week and then stayed over last weekend again. Then this week it's just gone cold. I'm so pissed off not because she is a oneitis, but because of the amount of times this has happened to me with different chicks in the past year. Like what the fuck is going through these girls minds. They love me. They compliment me. They can't get enough of me. They can't believe how perfect I am. Then suddenly they're gone. Screw this.

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Author:	Energy_ [ Fri Aug 14, 2009 3:38 pm ]
Post subject:
Hey man! I've had some experience with this and I'll try to give you my best on this one, Cause its sucks when it happens... This is pretty extreme and in the long run you wount be able to do it (for me it lasted 6 months). Met a girl at club that I had met a couple of years earlier, we actually had a date once.. But since I was bigtime AFC back then nothing happend. We made out at the club. Hooked up for coffee two days later. She came over to my place a week after that. Dinner, sex... She was just out of a relationship and kept talking about how she didnt want anything serious right now.. (the same old story...) I told her I was fine with this. I had even told her this the first night we met at the club when she was telling me she was now single again. I did never call her for the first few weeks. If she wanted to see me, she was the one to call. After two months she asked me if I was seeing any other girls while dating her. I told her that I did. Cause it was true. She cried a bit first, but when I told her that I hadnt had sex with any of them or even kissed them she was now again okey. Two months went by and we kept hanging out, and I began to notice how she started to like me more and more as she invested in me. So one day she tells me: I want this to get serious, and I need to know that you love me or we cant continue seeing eachother. This was of course a result of me controlling the frame. She was used to boss guys around and this was her absolute last weapon for disarming me. The correct thing here would have been to tell her that I was unsure if I loved her, but that I liked her very much and enyojed her company. Then I still would have been in control since she pretty had told me she loved me. But... I didn't. I told her I loved her, cause I did. And here's what happend. The next week she stopped calling me like she did before. We didnt have as much sex as before. She was all of a sudden busy doing things and couldn't see me. 1,5 month later she brooke up with me - on Christmas eve. You need to be in control.. and dont look for a GF in someone who has to be in control of the frame, cause after a while - if mutal feelings dont develop the game you have to play to keep the balance in the relationship wount be good for you, as a person.

Author:	antic [ Sat Aug 15, 2009 4:56 am ]
Post subject:
Well I make sure I don't get too attached to girls just out of relationships. But it's like if you do nothing and don't initiate conversation then they will think you aren't interested.

Author:	Energy_ [ Sat Aug 15, 2009 7:10 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Well I make sure I don't get too attached to girls just out of relationships. But it's like if you do nothing and don't initiate conversation then they will think you aren't interested. I think you need to be super-not-needy. Cause she is in a state where she wount give you anything. Make her adore you, make her hot for you. The take it all away. Get her scared of loosing you. Then she'll be coming after you. And you just do this over and over again.

Author:	Alpha Destiny [ Sat Aug 15, 2009 8:18 am ]
Post subject:
If you start sensing that she wants you as the rebound, then tell her straight up, "I'm not that kinda guy." This will make her want you.

Author:	Visionxxxxxx [ Mon Sep 14, 2009 10:35 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Hey man! I've had some experience with this and I'll try to give you my best on this one, Cause its sucks when it happens... This is pretty extreme and in the long run you wount be able to do it (for me it lasted 6 months). Met a girl at club that I had met a couple of years earlier, we actually had a date once.. But since I was bigtime AFC back then nothing happend. We made out at the club. Hooked up for coffee two days later. She came over to my place a week after that. Dinner, sex... She was just out of a relationship and kept talking about how she didnt want anything serious right now.. (the same old story...) I told her I was fine with this. I had even told her this the first night we met at the club when she was telling me she was now single again. I did never call her for the first few weeks. If she wanted to see me, she was the one to call. After two months she asked me if I was seeing any other girls while dating her. I told her that I did. Cause it was true. She cried a bit first, but when I told her that I hadnt had sex with any of them or even kissed them she was now again okey. Two months went by and we kept hanging out, and I began to notice how she started to like me more and more as she invested in me. So one day she tells me: I want this to get serious, and I need to know that you love me or we cant continue seeing eachother. This was of course a result of me controlling the frame. She was used to boss guys around and this was her absolute last weapon for disarming me. The correct thing here would have been to tell her that I was unsure if I loved her, but that I liked her very much and enyojed her company. Then I still would have been in control since she pretty had told me she loved me. But... I didn't. I told her I loved her, cause I did. And here's what happend. The next week she stopped calling me like she did before. We didnt have as much sex as before. She was all of a sudden busy doing things and couldn't see me. 1,5 month later she brooke up with me - on Christmas eve. You need to be in control.. and dont look for a GF in someone who has to be in control of the frame, cause after a while - if mutal feelings dont develop the game you have to play to keep the balance in the relationship wount be good for you, as a person. Great post! Girls like that are mostly in it for the chase as you have clearly pointed out. They have internal issues to deal with before they will ever enter into a healthy MUTUAL relationship. I believe their attraction/feelings for you develop based on the wrong grounds. ie. they will fall for you not because they like you as a person (and your qualities), but rather because you are nothing more than a challenge to them, something to conquer. Once they have conquered you, whats left for them to like...nothing, as they never really liked anything about you in the first place (aside from being a challenge). And as you say, keeping that balance wont be good for you as a person...you will constantly be playing hard to get just to keep her on the line...and who wants that in a relationship when youre both meant to be open and honest in terms of how you feel about each other. (of course creating the initial attraction is a completely different ball game altogether and playing hard-to-get has its place).

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