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Is it OK to show vulnerability?
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Author:  ferret [ Fri Jun 01, 2007 5:59 am ]
Post subject:  Is it OK to show vulnerability?
My question is whether it's ok to show vulnerability. Specifically what I'm talking about are the scars on my wrist. I went through some pretty rough times and was suicidal for a while and started cutting my wrist. Things are better now and I'm trying to move on but the problem is I have these scars on my wrist. They're not like these massive bulging scars but they are visible. And now that it's summer time, it's hard to cover them up with a sweater. Is it OK for a girl to see my scars or should I hide them at all costs? Wear a wrist band or something? I'm just worried that the scars show signs of vulnerability and girls will be turned off coz it's not something an alpha male would do. I don't want to show weakness but I'm not sure if I can hide them forever. There's this girl I like, and I've been hiding them so far, and maybe one day I'll just wear a t-shirt and make it visible but I won't deliberately show them to her. Any ideas?
Author:  Fearless [ Fri Jun 01, 2007 7:30 am ]
Post subject: 
I am still a newbie but IMHO it would seem to me that the scars are just part of who you are, you need to be able to accept that. I think you would be more likely to have a problem simply because you are not comfortable with yourself as opposed to you having scars if that makes sense.
Author:  Romeo7 [ Sat Jun 02, 2007 12:50 am ]
Post subject: 
Hey Ferret, how are you man?

Im glad I could help to answer this, and also glad that now youre over the suicidal thoughts, that's a tough thing to recover from.

Now, I want you to think of this

Vulnerability...? Good or bad?

Well, both,

First Being vulnerable is a REALLY GOOOD THING, now, i want you to think what being "vulnerable" means?

- Opening up to people
- Letting your emotions exposed

It does NOT mean making a BIG DRAMA out of something right?

Now, this may be sound very true to you, and i'll say it with all due respect

Thinking back at those times when you used to cut yourself, doesn't it seem a lil foolish now?

Like you say "wow, i can't believe i did that, it was dumb, i could've just look ahead and keep going with my life"

Right?

Now that is without a doubt something that girls don't find attractive.

It happens to EVERYBODY, just in different levels

Now, one of the keys to get good with women is accepting yourself, this is part of the fundamentals

If you don't accept yourself, you most likely won't be very social and therefore won't be succesful with women.

So, if your past involved cuts and thought moments, then be it, those moments are gone now, and youre actually going on with your life, and you have gone over it

Let me tell you something, when people see other people who accept themselves NO MATTER WHAT, they wanna be AROUND that person, why? because it shows strength

By showing yourself as you're, with your past and all, youre showing strenght and pride (which is of course hot).

Please DO NOT confuse vulenerability with emo things

Vulnerability is something else

as an advice I would say:

Tell them the truth in a strong voice

Dont lie, dont cover it

if she stays by your side, you KNOW that you have a smart woman with you
Author:  LordGrin [ Sat Jun 02, 2007 2:54 am ]
Post subject:  hey
hey dude, i think i'd just say that its no biggy.
say that u wer abt 9 and u had some emos tell
u that its a kool thing to do, and u ended up doing
it. but dont worry man, dont let ur explanation 4
wat happnd, hold ur confidence, okay?
anyways, gud luck man
Author:  Methuselah [ Sat Jun 02, 2007 4:11 am ]
Post subject: 
Glad to hear you've moved past that.

Vulnerability is okay, but it is entirely situational. Meaning that there are girls you do want to show it towards, and girls you don't. As well as appropriate times and inappropriate times. This is just something your going to have to judge when your in the moment. However, I'd advise for starters that you stray away from it until you've got your game down.
Author:  Methuselah [ Sat Jun 02, 2007 4:48 am ]
Post subject: 
I just thought of this too, if you are really concerned about the scars on your wrists. Have you tried any scar-removal products? I couldn't tell you any off hand but I've seen countless ads on T.V and the Internet for those types of products. Just do your research first, I'm sure not all of them work, but alot of them do help a great deal in fading the marks.
Author:  Romeo7 [ Sat Jun 02, 2007 6:00 am ]
Post subject: 
Yeah,
thats a GREAT idea
try scars removal creams
Im not any psychologists of any type
but I bet you, it will make you feel better
if the scars are off,
in a symbolic way
keep it up man
Author:  Balance [ Sun Jun 03, 2007 12:27 am ]
Post subject: 
Great to hear you made it through good on ya mate
we have all done things we ain't proud of so make it clear that it was who you WHERE, not who you ARE
Author:  zero [ Sun Jun 03, 2007 7:17 am ]
Post subject: 
DO NOT TELL THEM ABOUT THAT!!!!!
Don't do it. Period.
Women will think that you are emotionally unstable.
DO NOT!!
If they ask about the scars make something up. Tell them it's cooler then a tatoo, then change subjects...
Author:  excitement [ Sun Jun 03, 2007 8:37 am ]
Post subject: 
Hi Ferret,
The solution to your issue is a very simple one.
Conceal the scars and the story when you are in the early stages of being with the girl then bring it out in a later stage. When you open a girl, the first 20mins are crucial and she does not know enough of the whole you to be destracted with an intense story such as this.
Depending on how much the girl is into you i would even hold-off showing the scars till the third date, if your doing well perhaps the second.
Heres the flip side:
She is eventually going to find out, so when you have built enough rapport that you feel she is not going to run a mile, tell her the honest truth.
This is your chance to create a strong emotional connection and if done correctly can have positive benefits.
When your doing it, its hugely important you make it clear that
1. Your totally over the suicidal issues you had.
2. You identidy that you took control of the situation (unshakeable)
3. You are a better person for going through those tough times (life experience)
4. You want to help people whp are struggling with the same problems (leadership)
Tell her in a way that its like a reward you opening up to her.
Good luck ferret, im glad your over those tough times and i wish you all the best for the future.
Author:  ferret [ Thu Jun 07, 2007 4:22 am ]
Post subject: 
Hi, thanks for all the responses and support from the community!
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