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Is this a lost cause?
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Author:  Gadgeteer [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 12:44 am ]
Post subject:  Is this a lost cause?
To cut a long story short, I met this HB9 via a dating site. We've been chatting on/off via MSN for a few weeks. She's a lone/single parent so I get that her time is limited. She also lives an hours drive away which doesn't help either.

I've suggested meeting up a couple of times and she's always been "busy". Just before xmas I figured I'd give it one last try so suggested getting a coffee and she was like "Oh the shops will be SO busy etc." So I suggested after new year coz I didn't want to come across like it was a big deal or pressure her.

Anyway, we arranged to meet last weekend and on the Friday I MSN'ed her saying that we needed to sort out a time to meet. She says she's busy at work at the moment so I replied, "no probs, when free just let me know." Later she disappeared.

So ok, i thought its obvious even to a blind man now that she's just yanking my chain. So this morning I don't contact her. She contacts me. Explains she was really busy and that then her son's nursery called and she had to rush off. I say "Hey, no probs, i had great weekend etc"

She doesn't suggest an alternative date. I suggest I call her in the evening so we can "...talk like real people do" and she tells me that she doesn't give out her number to people she's not met since she was stalked a while back from someone else she'd met online.

Now my questions are:

1) Do I ask to meet her again or just back off and let her message me etc hoping that one day she'll suggest to meet?

2) Forget the whole thing and write her off as a timewaster. Despite reading this post to myself and thinking "OMG its obvious she's messing you around", my gut tells me she's not.
Author:  topcat3 [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 2:19 am ]
Post subject:  good question
it seems as though your coming across too needy. u keep asking her to meet up. I'd probably lay off altogether until she responds. like the cat with the ball of string. you gotta make her want to meet you, and make her think that maybe your losing interest and have someone else or something more interesting.

if you leave it a few days she should come back with a text.

also don't give her too much control as in saying... "ok thanks, whenever your free"

instead say well i'm busy that day(mention something exciting) but maybe we could get a coffee on _____

it will give you more value, more control and if it goes towards a relationship you'll be in a much better position... :lol:
Author:  Ethan Hewitt [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 2:31 am ]
Post subject: 
gregpent has hit the nail on the end with the Cat String Theory (Mystery's I do believe). I used to have little kitten that loved to play with the toys when we'd dangle them above him, but the minute we put it down in front of him, it was too easy and he'd just walk off. :lol:

To affirm gregpent's suggestions, avoid sounding needy, don't give her the power or let her control the situation. It's sounds like you're just putting yourself on a plate for her to come and help herself when she wants to, it's all on her terms. Not good.

If she's developed enough attraction for you then she'll come to you, if not then you're going to have to get back in touch, build more attraction minus the neediness then arrange a date. Be assertive, not wishy washy.

Or you could put this one to rest, learn from it and move on.
Author:  Brad- [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 5:30 am ]
Post subject: 
Yep, the other posters are right on here.

You need to be assertive on the meetup. No, "Whatever..."

I like how you responded to her flaking though, like it was no big deal.

Now, like the others said, the ball is in her court. Don't respond for a few days until she knows you mean business.

Then set up a time and place to meet, be assertive, and make sure she knows this is her last chance.
Author:  Gadgeteer [ Wed Jan 21, 2009 3:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for tips. Tried it today. She messaged me on MSN and I told her I was busy and would get back to her. Purposely didn't and she asked again later if I was free yet.

Then we were talking about something and I said "Hey I have an idea" then right away "Actually never mind" then left it. After about 30 seconds she was like "What!?!?!?" so I said "Doesn't matter, it was a random idea anyway" left it again....eventually she was like "You can't half tell me!"

So looks like cat string theory works like a charm on this HB. Will keep it up for a few days.

Should I at some point suggest a hook up or just leave it until she suggests it?

Also got some other potentials on the go now so subconciously perhaps am not coming across needy and available as much.

Thanks all so far.
Author:  dark one [ Wed Jan 21, 2009 6:10 pm ]
Post subject: 
If it was me I would have said "Thats cool well since you dont seem to want to meet and it doesnt look like you are going to give me your number there is no point in my talking to you" then I would prob tell her you had somthing really exciting planned for you two but its not happening and good bye.

I dont ask more then once....if a girl turns me down she lost her chance and she then need to earn the date back.
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