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Standing idly by for a shit test
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Author:  Klats [ Mon Nov 10, 2008 8:38 am ]
Post subject:  Standing idly by for a shit test
So I'm at work, hanging with the girl I'm interested in at her desk. We've been chatting and joking for a while, then I leave to get a drink.

When I come back, another guy that I work with(but do not know--he's fairly new) is there and she's having a pretty invested conversation with him(she's asking him about where he's from and joking with him about it, etc.). I immediately feel threatened, but decide to just hang back and wait rather than trying to override their conversation. He isn't really investing in the convo much other than just giving her simple answers and acting pretty laid back as well(he had originally come over for a work-related issue), and he senses that I'm ready for him to leave, so he does.

After he does, she turns back to me with a nearly totally uninterested/displeased frame that was pretty much opposite of what she was just giving that guy. Now I feel like yeah, I blew it. I couldn't recover from it, so the remaining time I had with her was pretty much ruined.

I should have overcome my initial reaction and decision to hang back, and stepped in and introduced myself to the guy in a friendly manner and involved myself as an AMOG would have. My excuse was that I was tired and hungry (and too lazy to bother). It was a tough lesson, and a shit test from her that I failed.

Treat me accordingly, please. I need this one burned into my memory so I never do it again. :cry: Also, what could I have done to recover from this so the rest of our time wasn't ruined?
Author:  mPUA Savior [ Mon Nov 10, 2008 4:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
It was a tough lesson, and a shit test from her that I failed.
first off it wasnt a shit test, i dont think she had the foresight to know you would be talking to her at that moment on that day and told some new guy to say hey! come up and talk to me so he gets jealous, guys talk to girls and girls talk to guys its how life go's.....so dont worry about failing the shit test cause you didnt......but you did fail miserabley...

Quote:
So I'm at work, hanging with the girl I'm interested in at her desk................ I immediately feel threatened, but decide to just hang back and wait
so let me get this straight your talking to a girl at her desk at work then go get a drink come back and WAIT for her, im guessing you just stood by her desk, do you realize how desperate and needy that seems....if i were you i would of just went back to work and approached later
Author:  Atlas1 [ Mon Nov 10, 2008 4:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
I would not have gone back to work...I would have walked right in and shook the guys hand "Hey you are new here aren't you?" Shift the frame onto you. This will also give you a good chance to bust on her a bit.

"Watch out for this one...shes trouble!". Act more interested in him than in her..and steer the conversation. Put him in a position where he is qualifying himself to you...this will make her want your attention even more. Don't give it to her though, once you've alphaed him...leave :)
Author:  Klats [ Tue Nov 11, 2008 8:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
first off it wasnt a shit test, i dont think she had the foresight to know you would be talking to her at that moment on that day and told some new guy to say hey! come up and talk to me so he gets jealous, guys talk to girls and girls talk to guys its how life go's.....so dont worry about failing the shit test cause you didnt......but you did fail miserabley...
Well, I think she used the situation that just happened to come up while I stepped away to see how I would handle it--I handled it all wrong--that's how I failed.
Quote:
so let me get this straight your talking to a girl at her desk at work then go get a drink come back and WAIT for her, im guessing you just stood by her desk, do you realize how desperate and needy that seems....if i were you i would of just went back to work and approached later
Heh, yeah--that's exactly how I felt at the time...but to clarify--it was the end of the work day, so I was going to leave with her so we could chat on the way out. The situation caught me off guard and I was not prepared to handle it(tired and hungry made me not want to deal with it--once I made that decision I realized what a mistake it was).
Author:  Klats [ Tue Nov 11, 2008 8:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I would not have gone back to work...I would have walked right in and shook the guys hand "Hey you are new here aren't you?" Shift the frame onto you. This will also give you a good chance to bust on her a bit.

"Watch out for this one...shes trouble!". Act more interested in him than in her..and steer the conversation. Put him in a position where he is qualifying himself to you...this will make her want your attention even more. Don't give it to her though, once you've alphaed him...leave :)
Thanks Johnny--it seems like such an obvious thing when I hear it said. I need to get better at thinking on my feet--I was at the end of the work day, tired and hungry and just not on my game at all. A situation arose that caught me off guard and poof--instant AFC. I am still kicking myself for not always being prepared. :x
Author:  BamBam [ Tue Nov 11, 2008 8:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey I like how you've embraced the fact that you made a mistake but your still making an excuse for yourself. Just accept it and next time do better no matter how hungry or tired you are. You can't take blame completely if you still have an excuse, its like saying "sorry but it wasnt my fault..."
Author:  Klats [ Tue Nov 11, 2008 9:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Hey I like how you've embraced the fact that you made a mistake but your still making an excuse for yourself. Just accept it and next time do better no matter how hungry or tired you are. You can't take blame completely if you still have an excuse, its like saying "sorry but it wasnt my fault..."
No, I totally take blame for it--that's why I'm kicking myself over this-- but I think recognizing and acknowledging the circumstances will help me to possibly overcome similar circumstances in the future. Like if you know you're off your game, is it maybe better to call it a day, or are you able to overcome it in a certain way?

In fact, that could be a good topic for discussion--how certain negative circumstances can affect one's perspective/frame/game and what are some ways for overcoming or dealing with that?
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