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Girlfriend cheating?
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Author:  Hyperconsumer [ Mon Aug 18, 2008 10:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Girlfriend cheating?
Hello,

It's kind of embarrassing writing in the newbie section as I've been studying Pickup for nearly a year now, but I am technically a newbie to this online forum so I'll roll with it.

Anyway onto the point - my long distance relationship told me that she cheated on me last weekend. We are only days away from catching up again and it has really fucked with my head. When she told me I was calm and didn't freak out, I told her I was grateful that she told me but that I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach.

What is the the 'High Value Male/Alpha' way to respond? I obviously still want to catch up with her, but also don't want to be perceived as a pushover for not responding assertively enough. My reasoning for not shitting on her when she first told me was that I believe that if you do that, girls wont necessarily stop cheating, they probably just won't tell you next time. Call me cynical... I understand why she did it, as we are both experiencing the lack of emotional comfort that results from the distance - but it has left such a horrible cloud over us. I want to be able to respond now in a way which makes her think twice about doing it next time if possible!

Any suggestions on how I can respond and feel vindicated without appearing to be a psychopath or fucking it up?
Author:  96Firebird [ Mon Aug 18, 2008 10:46 pm ]
Post subject: 
What did she do to cheat on you? Various situations result it various actions from me.

But honestly, that shit wouldn't fly with me. I'd have to show her the door, it won't ever be the same and you will probably always have trust issues.
Author:  SierraPapa [ Mon Aug 18, 2008 11:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
have to say i am in agreement... show her the door, the alpha thing to do, cos you know theres more girls out there and you aint going to be pushed over by one... move on plenty more monkeys in the jungle. :P it will be tough but just fucking say it and then cold turkey for your emotional connection to fade.... keep meeting new females the whole time and concentrate on a few goals in your life either career wise or well being just show her your a great guy! shell will probably come chasing.. if she talks to you.. dont ignore... but never go back... unless you feel like being a wimp after a long time and try it again... but wouldnt advise it... or if you just want some fun on the side :P harsh hahaha

keep spreading the love...!

~sierra~
Author:  Reo [ Mon Aug 18, 2008 11:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend cheating?
Quote:
I told her I was grateful that she told me but that I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach.
Grateful? are u serious, NO!!! you don't like that shit at all some other dude dicked your girlfriend
Quote:
What is the the 'High Value Male/Alpha' way to respond? I obviously still want to catch up with her, but also don't want to be perceived as a pushover for not responding assertively enough. My reasoning for not shitting on her when she first told me was that I believe that if you do that, girls wont necessarily stop cheating, they probably just won't tell you next time. Call me cynical... I understand why she did it, as we are both experiencing the lack of emotional comfort that results from the distance - but it has left such a horrible cloud over us. I want to be able to respond now in a way which makes her think twice about doing it next time if possible!

Any suggestions on how I can respond and feel vindicated without appearing to be a psychopath or fucking it up?
You are definitely not acting like The Man right now, all your giving her is a free pass to cheat on you again and she'll take that pass because she knows you'll be right there ready to take her back.
I'm not going to sit her and say good job for being so nice about it or it'll be ok that would be a lie.
Author:  shaggy2299 [ Mon Aug 18, 2008 11:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
yikes.. good of her to be honest but I have to agree .. game over

you responded like a nice guy.. Well nice guys get funked over pretty much every time, so I'd scrap that thought process now unless you want to have a groundhog day feeling in future relationships..

you are in a long distance relationship.. and it's only going to get worse from now on even if you forgive and move forward, you are going to be thinking about it happening all the time now unless you seriously can put it behind you.

I''d have ended it there and then, it could even be what she wants !? personally I could forgive a drunken one night stand (but probably wouldn't as it's a respect thing, if she boned another guy then it's like saying that you don't matter enough to her not to do that.) and definitely I'd bin a girl on the spot if it was something that involved planning like she met up with a guy for a date or something, even if she didn't sleep with him.. drunk is bad judgement and heat of the moment, the latter is just pure deceit and involves thought and planning.

the alpha way is to tell her she had her chance and you blew it.. you can get a girl no problem so why would you keep one that can't be faithful
Author:  Sexcellent [ Tue Aug 19, 2008 4:02 am ]
Post subject: 
as much as you may respect her... YOU HAVE TO RESPECT YOURSELF MORE.

that means end the relationship. you have to be proud of who you are, and i think that staying in a relationship with someone who cheated on you is nothing to be proud of.

if you confidently end the relationship now, you will look back on it and know that you did what was healthy for yourself. that's respectable, and you should be proud of that. it will help you be a confident person.
Author:  Magdiel [ Tue Aug 19, 2008 4:12 am ]
Post subject: 
Screw Her! Show her the door that is the alpha man way! I would have been like DONT EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN!!! or I DONT WANT TO SEE YOU EVER AGAIN!!!
Author:  Ezo [ Tue Aug 19, 2008 9:10 am ]
Post subject: 
I feel for you man!

I dont think there are any rules for that. The way you reply is not gonna matter, the important thing is how you feel about it. If you think you can live with it, forgive her and if you cannot, leave her.

Sorry again man!
Author:  Hodranni [ Tue Aug 19, 2008 5:47 pm ]
Post subject: 
Just see it this way: another guy has put his dick into your girl and blow his sperm in her

I would be pissed and try to pick up a friend of her (:
Author:  Slipfinger [ Tue Aug 19, 2008 6:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
yes yes yes screw her bla bla bla she is a bitch yadayada yada okay lets try this instead..now hold your breath..

Let her come over she cheated on you right then that actually opened up your horizon its long distance-say you forgive her? and you should move on and try to strengthen your bs relationship now what she's done is give you a guilt free pass she cheated on you and showed you that she aint worth your time as her boyfriend well keep her as a FB and just fuck her when ever she comes over and in the meantime you hook up with chicks from your own area ?

Why not try this?

SF
Author:  Chino Kapone [ Tue Aug 19, 2008 6:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
The reason a woman cheats is because she is either a) bored and wants out of the relationship or b) wants out of the relationship and doesnt want to be the one to end it. LDR suck. Don't do em.

By telling you this, she wants you to end the relationship. Now she sees she can walk all over you. If you really want to be with her (which i hope not) than you have to kick her to the curb. If you stay with her she is going to keep cheating. She is going to test the limits of how far she can go. She has already gone far enough.... get her out of your life, she is bad news.

Good luck bro,

CK
Author:  Hyperconsumer [ Tue Aug 19, 2008 11:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
Holy shit! So many very detailed responses. I can't believe so many people have jumped onto this, thanks for your input!

It has become painfully clear that I left out some vital details so I'm really sorry but I have to add that: when I say 'she cheated', she didn't sleep with this guy. She made out with him for a bit, and then when he wanted more she said no and went to bed by herself in another room. (Her story)

Also we hadn't actually defined that we were going to be monogomous. I had been and I had hoped she would be but we never actually talked about it and truth be told she didn't know if I had or hadn't slept with someone else. We are planning on being in a relationship when she moves here to the UK but I guess right now we are technically in a grey area.

What shits me is that I found out that she had drunkenly made out with this guy not only after we had a fight last Wendesday night (typical female behaviour), but also on Friday night after we had patched things up. She says she's just finished her last relationship and hadn't felt the feeling of being 'single' for a long time, but insists she wants to stay with me.

In fact she also suggested we both agree to be monogomous from now on and make things more official, so the theory that she wants to break up with me doesn't work. She is really scared that I will sleep with someone else which she admits would destroy her.

Also its more complicated than just 'ditching her'. We've both booked flights to the United States and have a 2 week vacation planned that we have spent months and lots of money planning. I do want to be with her I just don't want her to think this shit is okay.

Oh and I said I was grateful she told me, she knew I certainly wasn't fucking grateful she did it. Do you know how many girls I know that have never told their boyfriends when they've cheated on them?

Thanks again!
Author:  Bonita [ Wed Aug 20, 2008 12:36 am ]
Post subject: 
The fact that this is a long-distance relationshop makes it hard too...the trust that you would have to build up with her would be impossible to do over such a distance.
Author:  Chief [ Wed Aug 20, 2008 2:07 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Also its more complicated than just 'ditching her'. We've both booked flights to the United States and have a 2 week vacation planned that we have spent months and lots of money planning.
Go ahead and enjoy that vacation with her, have a good time, share some good laughs, have some great vacation sex, but tell her that you want to stop seeing her for a while after all that's said and done. Whether you tell her that before or after the vacation is up to you.

Her behavior, however normal, isn't acceptable to you for a monogamous relationship, so make your standards clear with a willingness to walk away. Don't treat your vacation with her like a relationship trap; treat it like an opportunity to have some fun and explore the world with someone.

Trust me, self control will get you far.

After a break away from seeing her and after you get completely clear-headed about this whole thing (I recommend GFTOW), then you can decide whether or not you want to still be with her.
Author:  Ezo [ Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:25 am ]
Post subject: 
Hmm that new info certainly changes the situation.

First of all, if you were not officially in a relationship she did not really cheat, she just hurt you.
Second, she didnt cheat on you, she did makeout with a potential competitor and thus made you jealous.
Third, if she cheats on you and you are trying to become a PUA... You will do it too so what are you complaining about.

It is good that she asked you to be exclusive! Good thing with the trip too, have fun man! Good opportunity to bond.

This might sound tough but I really think it comes down to one thing, can you still imagine yourself to be with her or not. Your choice.

Good Luck!
Ezo
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