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she has a bf and a suspicious social circle
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Author:  slickmc123 [ Mon Jul 28, 2008 8:57 pm ]
Post subject:  she has a bf and a suspicious social circle
This is my first post on this site as im relatively new to the community; I apologise for the raw length of the post and blame inexperience with forums!

I have looked through a lot of posts on bf’s and i have seen a lot of good advice, and I apologise if this is similar to any previous threads, but id like to get your opinions on my specific situation.

Bit of background, this girl has had a bf for 18 months, I met her about a month ago at a party and is very much part of this new social circle I have made with a group of girls. Due to that its v.hard to game her in front of friends but i have always been very c+f with her and have never let on that im attracted to her, except in a 'taking the piss' kind of way and have always used a bit of push pull with compliments.

I think she’s interested in me due to constant texting, Kino when out in nightclubs etc, I use a lot of saying ‘no touchy’ type stuff and sexual predator chat. She also v.obviously tries to ‘play it cool’ in front of her friends in a not avoiding way but will basically try to isolate me, I think this stems from her not wanting to have her friends think she’s attempting to cheat on her bf because they are v. gossipy girls. When we are together alone its v.diffrent to how it is in front of friends e.g. she stayed over round my house and spent the night talking about random shit, not being her therapist type stuff, and kept the chat all about c+f with a lot of routines mixed in, we then finally went to sleep at like 9am, then she came and woke me up again at 11am just to spend time talking with me before she had to go. I give her hoops to jump through constantly, even one where after she got changed, I just let her lie back down and then pretended I was too lazy to look at what she was wearing and got her to literally stand in front of me and describe what she was wearing because I was ’too lazy’ to open my eyes…. :wink:

My problem is that I think I overly take the piss sometimes, and i have no idea how to escalate further e.g. calibrating a kiss.

For info purposes, this is the sort of bf that buys her things everytime she sees him, always drives to see her, buys her drinks – the normal type of afc. She did tell me that he cheated on her once about 3 months in and just a random kiss on holiday he had.

Any advice would be great, and again, sorry for the essay!
Author:  Diaz [ Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
Basic disclaimer for these kinda situation: Always think twice if you really want to ruin her current relationship!

Ok, now to the topic. You need to play the bf down, my recommendation would be to get her to complain about her bf (no relationship is perfect, there are always flaws) so find one and "help her understand" that its a dealbreaker.. storytelling is perfect for this, have a look at my comments on a similar post:

leave-her-man-of-3-years-vt24916.html
Author:  slickmc123 [ Tue Jul 29, 2008 1:40 am ]
Post subject: 
Oh I agree about whether its the right thing to do, she said she's split up with him if she goes on a gap year for travelling, she just needs a push in the right direction and im just offering the better option... :wink:

Sounds good, so my stories should be of female friends who have been through the same bad experiences with her bf as she's having, and make sure the moral of the story is that what her bf is doing, she shouldn’t accept and basically, should split up with him?

And another question is, should I telegraph interest to her or just keep showing myself as this interesting guy and generally teasing? As I don’t think she'd split up with him unless she thinks there is a better option and not just because her situation is bad, which it is.
By telegraph interest I mean compliment with take-aways, but her having a bf stops the obvious points where I would just kiss her for instance? Because I don’t know where her boundaries are and due to the situation within the social circle, id is hard pushed to test them!
Author:  Diaz [ Tue Jul 29, 2008 2:16 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Sounds good, so my stories should be of female friends who have been through the same bad experiences with her bf as she's having, and make sure the moral of the story is that what her bf is doing, she shouldn’t accept and basically, should split up with him?
Make the moral of the story be, that what her bf is doing is worse than she maybe realizes it is, let her figure out that dumping him is the solution. She will likely say something like "oh, I hate it when he does this and this.. but I don't know, I guess its not that bad.. I guess I can live with it" So what you want to do is show her, that if something "this small" is bothering her already now, the problems won't disappear and they will only grow.

(This is of course bullshit, problems can be worked on etc. so that's why the stories are so important, to help her relate to something that isn't necessarily true at all :wink: )
Quote:
And another question is, should I telegraph interest to her or just keep showing myself as this interesting guy and generally teasing? As I don’t think she'd split up with him unless she thinks there is a better option and not just because her situation is bad, which it is.
By telegraph interest I mean compliment with take-aways, but her having a bf stops the obvious points where I would just kiss her for instance? Because I don’t know where her boundaries are and due to the situation within the social circle, id is hard pushed to test them!
If you do the storytelling right, she'll feel that you Really understand and "get" her. Once she "understands" that things won't work out with her bf and figures out that she should break up with him.. things should work to your advantage all by them self. She will feel you understand her like nobody else does, after all you were the only one who saw that her relationship wasn't going as well as everybody else thought it was and you could relate to her situation (you told her stories :wink: )

Building trust in crucial if you play things this way, so you might want to tell a story or two about yourself as well (always pick stories she can relate to)!
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