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Getting my ex back
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=208341		 Page 1 of 3
Author:  FuturePUA7 [ Fri Oct 13, 2017 2:26 am ]
Post subject:  Getting my ex back
I want an outline of the steps I need to take to get my ex back.

We had been together for 4 months and in that time I was constantly questioning her but I know we both did and hopefully still do love each other.

The last time we broke up I did it and then regretted it afterwards but when we met up in person she was really cold and said she needs to be happy and work on herself before she can be in a relationship with me again.

I pleaded with her saying I would change and she said I was being selfish because I wouldn't give her time.

When I got back home I messaged her saying I would give her the time and space she needs and that she should get in contact with me when she's ready.

She responded by saying that I am the greatest man that she has been with and she loves being in my arms and waking up next to me and that she is going to find herself and then find her way back to me.

I broke up with her 5 days ago, after saying I made a mistake she confirmed the break up two days ago. She responded to my message 1 day ago.

I have had some advice on using the no contact rule on her for 8-11 days. What do you guys think any advice?
Author:  Arch Stanton [ Fri Oct 13, 2017 6:10 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting my ex back
Quote:
We had been together for 4 months and in that time I was constantly questioning her
You let your emotions completely control you. You were all over the place, and the girl just couldn't take anymore of it.

Four months is nothing! Those days should have been NOTHING but fun, not questions.

When you control your emotions, and are the fun, rock solid, chill guy, women do not request time away from you. They want to be in your presence often.

She stated she needs time, so all you can do is give her time. Don't blow up her phone. Go on a few dates, and learn how to be an emotionally-centered man so this doesn't happen to you again. By then, maybe she'll hit you back, and you can handle her better.
Quote:
I pleaded with her saying I would change and she said I was being selfish because I wouldn't give her time.
Let's be perfectly clear what that quote means. It means that a woman has lost attraction for you. A chronic behavior pattern or a series of events have whittled the attraction that was there to lower levels. It could be neediness, questioning her all the time, constantly blowing up her phone (IE, "checking in").

Your only real hope of rebuilding that attraction, is through your silence. You've tried begging, and she shamed you. I talk about this a lot here. Never fear silence. Embrace it, as a strong, centered man would. Often, it is the spaces between the notes that makes the best music, and the same for courtship.
Author:  R.C [ Fri Oct 13, 2017 7:35 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting my ex back
If a relationship goes bad in 4 months there's no reason to want her back and there's no reason to think it was a good relationship.
Author:  Arch Stanton [ Fri Oct 13, 2017 10:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting my ex back
Not always true. Especially in people with a lot of options.
Author:  R.C [ Fri Oct 13, 2017 1:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting my ex back
People with a lot of options run back to their ex when the relationship already failed within 4 months?
Author:  Arch Stanton [ Fri Oct 13, 2017 8:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting my ex back
Quote:
People with a lot of options run back to their ex when the relationship already failed within 4 months?
Yes, because they likely have feelings for one or more people, and things need to play out organically early on. There are all kinds of scenarios that can interfere with an early relationship and knocks it temporarily off course. Attractive people with options have a lot going on, such as ex's still talked to, FWB's on the line, strong prospects, etc.

I have several beautiful women I have strong feelings for, and had to deal with during the first few months of seeing my current gf, yet the relationship is awesome, despite early struggles.

When you meet someone who is outstanding and centered, eventually these other people will fall away, naturally. But it's never cut and dry/black and white for people with abundance. It's never really simple, because we can have who we're attracted to, and they come in numbers.
Author:  R.C [ Mon Oct 16, 2017 8:08 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting my ex back
Quote:
Yes, because they likely have feelings for one or more people, and things need to play out organically early on. There are all kinds of scenarios that can interfere with an early relationship and knocks it temporarily off course. Attractive people with options have a lot going on, such as ex's still talked to, FWB's on the line, strong prospects, etc.

I have several beautiful women I have strong feelings for, and had to deal with during the first few months of seeing my current gf, yet the relationship is awesome, despite early struggles.

When you meet someone who is outstanding and centered, eventually these other people will fall away, naturally. But it's never cut and dry/black and white for people with abundance. It's never really simple, because we can have who we're attracted to, and they come in numbers.
I'm sorry Arch but what you describe is not people with a lot of options.
Author:  Arch Stanton [ Mon Oct 16, 2017 5:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting my ex back
Of course it is.

Those with abundance never really have cut and dry starts into new partners. It's far more complicated.
Author:  neo87 [ Mon Oct 16, 2017 5:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting my ex back
What Arch describes is insecure and unhealthy behavior. If you have strong feelings for other women and you're in a serious relationship don't blame it on "abundance"... Thats on you for not being "emotionally centered." Just saying... All that still talking to exs and old fwbs are just symptoms of confused people desperately seeking validation. Ops ex could very well come back to this guy who showed extreme neediness and to a relationship that couldn't survive for 4 months.. Fine.. But that's more that she Didn't have options if she'd even consider getting back into something with a guy who as you say has a CHRONIC pattern. Unless abundance means you'd go back to a guy with a chronic issue or something these days.
Author:  Arch Stanton [ Mon Oct 16, 2017 6:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting my ex back
Wrong, Neo. People with options have a lot of beautiful people in their lives. It's why celebrity marriages rarely last.

It's probably confusing you because you've never experienced this level of abundance.
Author:  neo87 [ Mon Oct 16, 2017 11:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting my ex back
Quote:
Wrong, Neo. People with options have a lot of beautiful people in their lives. It's why celebrity marriages rarely last.

It's probably confusing you because you've never experienced this level of abundance.
Haha no Arch... I don't excuse my actions with rationalizations based on having options. I don't talk to exs and tell myself it's not me... this is just what people with abundance do. And hell no I won't be in a relationship while having strong feelings for other women and not consider maybe it's me. There is something called accountability. If you have an abundance of wealth and can't stop shopping is that due to your wealth or something personal? And if you look at celebrity marriages that don't work most are due to character flaws versus this abundance of options and "its complicated."

Sorry I don't define myself by women or my options. You do. You've allowed yourself so many excuses for unhealthy behavior and neediness that you actually believe theyre no longer your fault.
Author:  DJ_Z [ Mon Oct 16, 2017 11:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting my ex back
Quote:
Wrong, Neo. People with options have a lot of beautiful people in their lives. It's why celebrity marriages rarely last.

It's probably confusing you because you've never experienced this level of abundance.
You are wrong, as usual. Fortunately people generally know better than to believe anything you have to say.
Author:  Arch Stanton [ Mon Oct 16, 2017 11:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting my ex back
You just aren't there yet to understand.

Abundance does not stop at "I'm in a relationship now". it's always there, and grows as long as a man is improving physically and mentally.
Author:  Arch Stanton [ Mon Oct 16, 2017 11:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting my ex back
Quote:
And hell no I won't be in a relationship while having strong feelings for other women and not consider maybe it's me.

This shows your lack of abundance, Neo. Attraction is not a choice, it's just science. It's perfectly natural to be attracted to very attractive people while in a relationship. It doesn't mean you have to act on it.

Attractive people with options, can have who they are attracted to. Which always complicates the start of a relationship.

It's much easier for less attractive people, with less options to quickly fall into exclusive relationships. They do so out of fear of losing one of their few options.


Quote:
Sorry I don't define myself by women or my options.
That's because you've never had that level of social abundance.

You don't understand what it's like to be having a 9/10 blow you every night, and to be able to go out and sleep with other 9/10's when you want. You're just not there.
Author:  JackZero [ Tue Oct 17, 2017 12:10 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Getting my ex back
Quote:
This shows your lack of abundance
Arch, you don't understand what abundance means from a pickup perspective. Abundance in everyday talk means a number. There are plenty of attractive guys out there that have a lot of women throwing themselves at him but that's only because of his perceived attraction. That's the abundance that you seem to speak of. Abundance in pickup means knowing that you can have a woman at any time even if you are with the only woman that you want to be with. A guy can have women throwing themselves at him on a daily basis but that doesn't mean that he has an abundance mentality. A guy with an abundance mentality can drop all women for one woman at any given time and know that if and when he wants to see other women that other women will be there.

Like when you started dating your current girlfriend and you were talking about wanting to be exclusive with her just a few weeks in you would sneak into her phone to read her messages from her friends and other guys. A guy with an abundance mentality wouldn't do that just for one woman even though he may have a lot of other women. It's that insecurity that makes it the exact opposite of abundance mentality because you didn't want to let these other women go just in case things didn't work out with this girl.
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