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Getting some IOI's from a long term friend.....
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Author:  madals [ Mon Apr 21, 2008 11:31 am ]
Post subject:  Getting some IOI's from a long term friend.....
Well, i have been friends with her for 6 years and been through a lot together. We have always been quite close with lots of trust for eachother but have always stayed just friends. This has been because 1 of us have been in a relationship or whatever so never tried to get anything to work (maybe AFC of me). However, about 3 months ago her BF broke up with her and although she was very upset at the time I was the person she came to talk to (which is strange because I am by no means one of her closest friends).
Like i was saying there is a lot of comfort built and there are simple ruitines she has got into with me (every day she will find me just to give me a hug etc).

Now i hadnt give her much thought (she is a HB 8-9 but i dunno never tried to game her). But since she was over the upset phase of her breakup she seems to be giving me lots of IOI and i am not sure how to react.

I will start with some examples. Frequently asking me to take her out to movies/beach (with her offering to pay). Today she seemed a little more forward. We were both alone and talking online, she randomly came out with "I am all alone, i want you here. Want to come over? it will just be the two of us." Now in a very AFC moment i let the comment slip over. I wasnt expecting it and I wasnt very keen on the idea cos i already have stuff to do today and simply said "i havent eaten lunch so i need to go and get food, cook and be ready to go out by 5". This is when it got a little strange, her responce was "well, how about you come over, i will cook for you". Again, stupidly, i let this go and made another excuse.

While i was out i noticed the huge oppotuinty i had missed, she never goes out with a guy alone or anything like that. So i decided to try a few tests, Strawberrie fields was my first thing. 1 meter high fense, 10 strawberries and a long talk with the farmer to appologise and to pay.

Then i started some role play/story telling. To shorten a story it ended up that the the weather changed depending on her mood, After a few negs about her doing a shit job at it SPAM due to the terrible weather near us SPAM i asked her what sorta mood she was in now, i was asked to guess.
Quick glance out the window and i decided she must be sad or grumpy yet something far away was cheering her up. I was right. I decided to test the water with "well, surly it should be more sunny then, cos i am not very far away from you :lol: " her responce compleatly caught me off gaurd with a "well, i guess the problem is that even tho your not far away i need more than a friend trying to cheer me up to cheer me up."

I sorta dropped it there, (again AFC, i have a hangover so not thinking yet :oops: ) But i am not sure what to do now.... I think there is an interest, but i am just not sure if it is her looking for more support from a friend, or looking for something more. Is there any way I can test or things to try?

/madals

p.s sorry or being AFC with this, but i am terrible at changing relationship levels (friends to partners or visa versa) I always have to stick with my intentions when i meet them.
Author:  bucks [ Mon Apr 21, 2008 11:47 am ]
Post subject: 
Sounds like you are her emotional tampon to be honest !

She has just broken up with her ex and she is lonely and you are the one who is there for her and listening to all her problems...

Once a new guy comes along she will kick you to the curb..
Author:  madals [ Mon Apr 21, 2008 12:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Sounds like you are her emotional tampon to be honest !

She has just broken up with her ex and she is lonely and you are the one who is there for her and listening to all her problems...

Once a new guy comes along she will kick you to the curb..
What i first thought of, however, looking at who she has after her (and she knows it) that wouldnt make sense... because a hell of a lot of new guys have come along.

Admittedly if she was doing this a month after she broke up I would agree but since its been a while now and she is definatly over him i am not so sure.
Author:  madals [ Mon Apr 21, 2008 12:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
Also, i am not the person she uses to let out all her problems on, like i said she has a hell of a lot of close friends for that. And tbh, the only time she tells me about her problems i am problably brutally honest about it, unlike most of her close friends who just wanted to comfort her (remember this happpened about 3 months ago). The result of me being totally honest (happend about 3 times i recon) was she would go, normally just if not slightly more upset and then a day or to later would appologise to me and say stuff along the lines of "I realised u were right all along".

However, like i said in my origional post she might just be looking for more support, which is why my question was if there is anything I can do to test the water and see what her intentions are...
Author:  saqchek [ Mon Apr 21, 2008 12:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Escalate the touching and physical activity. That's how you amp up her buying/sexual temp so that you can determine if she wants you or sees you in a sexual way. You have to make a move to kiss this girl or you're going to continue being the LJBF zone. Don't jump through her hoops or at her every command to go out. Be unavailable at times with her, and show her you have options.
Author:  bucks [ Mon Apr 21, 2008 12:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
If it was me personally i would tell her to stop talking to me about her problems if she brings them up again, thats what her girlfriends are for afterall.. plus it puts you in the "nice guy" category and none of us want to be there..

At the moment i can only see her seeing you as a friend, sure ye might hook up when she is emotionally down but it will result in her saying "i just wanna be friends" after she thinks about it.

I have a rule not to go near any girls im friends with but if you still want to then you gotta start placing your own needs ahead of hers ie., dont always be there for her, head out and meet other girls, show her that you have an active life and that you are in demand by other women, she will come to you if she wants you..

As i said, if she was a random chick you would go about this another way and not care about the result but because she is a good friend of yours you have to thread carefully..
Author:  madals [ Mon Apr 21, 2008 12:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
As i said, if she was a random chick you would go about this another way and not care about the result but because she is a good friend of yours you have to thread carefully..
Exactly, this is my problem i dont oftern change the type of relationship i initally choose to have with some1 when i meet them (i.e. if when i meet them i can normally decide within 5 mins if i want them as a friend, some1 to get off with, some1 to have a serious relationship with or if i just dont want to know them).

I will try some excelating kino and see how she reacts, thats for that saqchek, and about the LJBF zone, i am not in there because of her but rather through choice. I have kept myself there.
Author:  MisterMeth [ Mon Apr 21, 2008 4:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
if she reacts to the kino in a positive way you should may take all your courage together and say something like this: even if we are friends since such a long time, i sometimes really have to hold me back not to kiss you

after alle what you have written she will probably say why dont you do it
or maybe even she kisses you
Author:  Paetar [ Tue Apr 22, 2008 9:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
Look, she trusts you. You do have a special relationship; even if it is not sexual. She uses you like an emotional tampon? No, she shares her feelings with you. Complains? Perhaps, yes, I'd say she probably does.

Now, I'm not sure that you can change this into sexual relationship. However, I don't think you should. Stick with your intentions, it is a great trait.

Look, you have been together (friends I mean) for 6 years. 6 years of trust and understanding - and it will most likely continue. You will have a hot woman at your disposal, being totally honest with you - if you ask her a question about any problem with any girl you encounter she will be totally honest and "getting it". She can explain it to you better than any wing you will ever encounter. You are friends for life.

And you are really willing to throw all that away just because you are horny at the moment? Don't do it. There is nothing AFC with being friends with a woman - plus, you weren't doing anything AFC really. You were honest, did contradict her, etcetcetc.

She is in emotionally fucked up state. It is very easy to use it to your advantage - simply by touching her correctly (you're right about this saqchek). However, even if you do act on it don't expect it to be your dream relationship.

Leave this girl to be your friend. She is doable, but you'll benefit more from her being just a friend (or a friend with bonuses).


AND IMPORTANT THING - DON'T NEVER EVER EVER APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR SKILL LEVEL. IMPORTANT IS ONLY TO LEARN, AND BEING NOT YET SO GOOD IS NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR. You'll learn from any situation (whether it is good or bad). Your value isn't validated by us, strangers on a forum, but by yourself - believe in yourself.

And now I'm going to bed. Carpe Diem.
Author:  NOILLUSION [ Tue Apr 22, 2008 9:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Look, she trusts you. You do have a special relationship; even if it is not sexual. She uses you like an emotional tampon? No, she shares her feelings with you. Complains? Perhaps, yes, I'd say she probably does.

Now, I'm not sure that you can change this into sexual relationship. However, I don't think you should. Stick with your intentions, it is a great trait.

Look, you have been together (friends I mean) for 6 years. 6 years of trust and understanding - and it will most likely continue. You will have a hot woman at your disposal, being totally honest with you - if you ask her a question about any problem with any girl you encounter she will be totally honest and "getting it". She can explain it to you better than any wing you will ever encounter. You are friends for life.

And you are really willing to throw all that away just because you are horny at the moment? Don't do it. There is nothing AFC with being friends with a woman - plus, you weren't doing anything AFC really. You were honest, did contradict her, etcetcetc.

She is in emotionally fucked up state. It is very easy to use it to your advantage - simply by touching her correctly (you're right about this saqchek). However, even if you do act on it don't expect it to be your dream relationship.

Leave this girl to be your friend. She is doable, but you'll benefit more from her being just a friend (or a friend with bonuses).


AND IMPORTANT THING - DON'T NEVER EVER EVER APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR SKILL LEVEL. IMPORTANT IS ONLY TO LEARN, AND BEING NOT YET SO GOOD IS NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR. You'll learn from any situation (whether it is good or bad). Your value isn't validated by us, strangers on a forum, but by yourself - believe in yourself.

And now I'm going to bed. Carpe Diem.
couldn't have said it better.
Author:  abc1555 [ Tue Apr 22, 2008 10:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Look, she trusts you. You do have a special relationship; even if it is not sexual. She uses you like an emotional tampon? No, she shares her feelings with you. Complains? Perhaps, yes, I'd say she probably does.

Now, I'm not sure that you can change this into sexual relationship. However, I don't think you should. Stick with your intentions, it is a great trait.

Look, you have been together (friends I mean) for 6 years. 6 years of trust and understanding - and it will most likely continue. You will have a hot woman at your disposal, being totally honest with you - if you ask her a question about any problem with any girl you encounter she will be totally honest and "getting it". She can explain it to you better than any wing you will ever encounter. You are friends for life.

And you are really willing to throw all that away just because you are horny at the moment? Don't do it. There is nothing AFC with being friends with a woman - plus, you weren't doing anything AFC really. You were honest, did contradict her, etcetcetc.

She is in emotionally fucked up state. It is very easy to use it to your advantage - simply by touching her correctly (you're right about this saqchek). However, even if you do act on it don't expect it to be your dream relationship.

Leave this girl to be your friend. She is doable, but you'll benefit more from her being just a friend (or a friend with bonuses).


AND IMPORTANT THING - DON'T NEVER EVER EVER APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR SKILL LEVEL. IMPORTANT IS ONLY TO LEARN, AND BEING NOT YET SO GOOD IS NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR. You'll learn from any situation (whether it is good or bad). Your value isn't validated by us, strangers on a forum, but by yourself - believe in yourself.

And now I'm going to bed. Carpe Diem.
good stuff
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