PUA Forum :: Did I not build enough rapport? Did I ask to date too soon?

You took too long to ask her out.

Quote:

You took too long to ask her out.

When was the right time?

I really doubt it has anything to do with timing.

Story might be lacking some important details...

Later that night I text her as I'm leaving the club, turns out she text me an hour earlier asking if I was still in the club, but I didn't receive it as the signal in the club is so poor.

We continue to text for the next 2 days

and usually I would build rapport and keep texting

until I can tell that the girl is really into me before asking to meet,

That was 48 hours ago and I've heard nothing since. Do you think I scared her off by not building enough rapport?

Bars and clubs are an instant gratification type of meeting. She was attracted to him in that moment and likely wanted something to happen when she tried to get in touch with him that same night. A girl that is expressing attraction for you doesn't care about you building rapport over text and it's rarely going to make her like you more if you try. Attraction starts wearing off when you aren't in each other's presence and a real plan isn't made to be in each other's presence.

Quote:

Sounds like he got screwed over by 'bad reception' and an impulsive chick who had little attraction to him to begin with anyway. There's nothing he could do.

What you're saying about her isn't necessarily true. Women can be interested in the moment and really be feeling the attraction but her real life can cause the importance of that attraction to fade. Work, school, family are just some of the things that makes the guy that she met over the weekend become less important and make that feeling of attraction just a memory.

There were plenty of things that could be done to keep the attraction going and the most important thing is to demonstrate an intent for the girl to look forward to. If she's not hearing when the two of them may meet up, then there is no reason for her to feel excited about him and therefore interest will diminish.

Or there was little attraction to begin with and she was overly-social (or just straight up 'easy') because she was likely to have been drinking alcohol that night.

If there was little attraction to begin with, given that she ghosted him, what was he supposed to do? Why would she be become more interested in meeting a guy she isn't interested in much by him suggesting they meet?

Or she wasn't. There isn't a reason to jump to a negative conclusion and second guessing the situation if you keep momentum going.

time isn't on your side when there is no proximity.

I didn't jump to anything since I didn't suggest that was 100% the case. Why would you rule out a negative conclusion (especially alcohol on a clubbing night) ?

I totally agree, except this was like.. 48 hours? Come on.

48 hours doesn't mean shit when someone's actually attracted to you. This girl was probably either drunk and more outgoing that night and/or she just wasn't that into him.

Author:	Smibadge [ Tue Apr 04, 2017 4:15 pm ]
Post subject:	Did I not build enough rapport? Did I ask to date too soon?
Wonder if you guys could shed some light on what you think may have gone wrong for me here. I want to learn fr these failures so I can become a don haha. So I'm out on Friday with my mates in a club. We're all fairly drunk and on the dancefloor busting some shapes. I end up talking to this girl that approached me, she's exactly my type, attractive, quite a strong character, but she was only 22 (im 28). I feel like we were enjoying each other's company, we have some good banter (she tells me her ex has the same first name and he was asshole, so I play on this), and her friends leave her and go outside to smoke and she stays with me as she doesn't smoke. Anyway, we exchange numbers as she had to leave with her friends. Later that night I text her as I'm leaving the club, turns out she text me an hour earlier asking if I was still in the club, but I didn't receive it as the signal in the club is so poor. We continue to text for the next 2 days and usually I would build rapport and keep texting until I can tell that the girl is really into me before asking to meet, but I've read so much stuff about using text only to get the date that I thought I would go for it, leave nothing on the table and just ask her out for drinks after 2 days of texting. That was 48 hours ago and I've heard nothing since. Do you think I scared her off by not building enough rapport? Just trying to figure this one out. Generally I don't re-initiate contact if a girl stops texting, after all I'm the prize and it's her loss and I feel it looks desperate, but I've read that sometimes re-initiating contact can work out. Would you guys have text for longer than 2 days before going for the date? Perhaps the second I asked her out I lost value in her eyes and was no longer a challenge? What do you guys think?

Author:	JackZero [ Tue Apr 04, 2017 7:41 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Did I not build enough rapport? Did I ask to date too so
You took too long to ask her out.

Author:	Autoregressive [ Tue Apr 04, 2017 10:44 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Did I not build enough rapport? Did I ask to date too so
Quote: You took too long to ask her out. When was the right time? I really doubt it has anything to do with timing. Story might be lacking some important details...

Author:	JackZero [ Tue Apr 04, 2017 11:06 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Did I not build enough rapport? Did I ask to date too so
Quote: Quote: You took too long to ask her out. When was the right time? I really doubt it has anything to do with timing. Story might be lacking some important details... Bars and clubs are an instant gratification type of meeting. She was attracted to him in that moment and likely wanted something to happen when she tried to get in touch with him that same night. A girl that is expressing attraction for you doesn't care about you building rapport over text and it's rarely going to make her like you more if you try. Attraction starts wearing off when you aren't in each other's presence and a real plan isn't made to be in each other's presence.

Author:	Arch Stanton [ Wed Apr 05, 2017 12:32 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Did I not build enough rapport? Did I ask to date too so
Quote: Later that night I text her as I'm leaving the club, turns out she text me an hour earlier asking if I was still in the club, but I didn't receive it as the signal in the club is so poor. Just bad luck right there. But why not escalate right there? Quote: We continue to text for the next 2 days Why? Your phone is for setting meet ups. Quote: and usually I would build rapport and keep texting Bad move. Quote: until I can tell that the girl is really into me before asking to meet, Not how it works. Quote: That was 48 hours ago and I've heard nothing since. Do you think I scared her off by not building enough rapport? No, I think you talked her out of whatever initial attraction she had by over-texting. Look, texting is the life raft early on, not the boat. You were on the fucking boat with the girl the night of the club. Next time ask her to your place.

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Author:	Autoregressive [ Wed Apr 05, 2017 4:20 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Did I not build enough rapport? Did I ask to date too so
Quote: Bars and clubs are an instant gratification type of meeting. She was attracted to him in that moment and likely wanted something to happen when she tried to get in touch with him that same night. A girl that is expressing attraction for you doesn't care about you building rapport over text and it's rarely going to make her like you more if you try. Attraction starts wearing off when you aren't in each other's presence and a real plan isn't made to be in each other's presence. Sounds like he got screwed over by 'bad reception' and an impulsive chick who had little attraction to him to begin with anyway. There's nothing he could do.

Author:	JackZero [ Wed Apr 05, 2017 4:57 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Did I not build enough rapport? Did I ask to date too so
Quote: Quote: Bars and clubs are an instant gratification type of meeting. She was attracted to him in that moment and likely wanted something to happen when she tried to get in touch with him that same night. A girl that is expressing attraction for you doesn't care about you building rapport over text and it's rarely going to make her like you more if you try. Attraction starts wearing off when you aren't in each other's presence and a real plan isn't made to be in each other's presence. Sounds like he got screwed over by 'bad reception' and an impulsive chick who had little attraction to him to begin with anyway. There's nothing he could do. What you're saying about her isn't necessarily true. Women can be interested in the moment and really be feeling the attraction but her real life can cause the importance of that attraction to fade. Work, school, family are just some of the things that makes the guy that she met over the weekend become less important and make that feeling of attraction just a memory. There were plenty of things that could be done to keep the attraction going and the most important thing is to demonstrate an intent for the girl to look forward to. If she's not hearing when the two of them may meet up, then there is no reason for her to feel excited about him and therefore interest will diminish.

Author:	R.C [ Wed Apr 05, 2017 6:49 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Did I not build enough rapport? Did I ask to date too so
What Jack said. Especially the part about instant gratification. In clubs and/or bars you need to make something happen that night.

Author:	Autoregressive [ Thu Apr 06, 2017 4:34 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Did I not build enough rapport? Did I ask to date too so
Quote: What you're saying about her isn't necessarily true. Women can be interested in the moment and really be feeling the attraction but her real life can cause the importance of that attraction to fade. Work, school, family are just some of the things that makes the guy that she met over the weekend become less important and make that feeling of attraction just a memory. Or there was little attraction to begin with and she was overly-social (or just straight up 'easy') because she was likely to have been drinking alcohol that night. Quote: There were plenty of things that could be done to keep the attraction going and the most important thing is to demonstrate an intent for the girl to look forward to. If she's not hearing when the two of them may meet up, then there is no reason for her to feel excited about him and therefore interest will diminish. If there was little attraction to begin with, given that she ghosted him, what was he supposed to do? Why would she be become more interested in meeting a guy she isn't interested in much by him suggesting they meet?

Author:	JackZero [ Thu Apr 06, 2017 5:04 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Did I not build enough rapport? Did I ask to date too so
Quote: Or there was little attraction to begin with and she was overly-social (or just straight up 'easy') because she was likely to have been drinking alcohol that night. Or she wasn't. There isn't a reason to jump to a negative conclusion and second guessing the situation if you keep momentum going. Quote: If there was little attraction to begin with, given that she ghosted him, what was he supposed to do? Why would she be become more interested in meeting a guy she isn't interested in much by him suggesting they meet? I think this question has been answered in this thread by multiple people. I stated he waited too long and even expanded on the thought when you asked me to. Arch stated that he should only be texting to setup a meet. R.C stated that he should have made something happen that night. When it comes to women, time isn't on your side when there is no proximity.

Author:	Autoregressive [ Fri Apr 07, 2017 5:10 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Did I not build enough rapport? Did I ask to date too so
Quote: Or she wasn't. There isn't a reason to jump to a negative conclusion and second guessing the situation if you keep momentum going. I didn't jump to anything since I didn't suggest that was 100% the case. Why would you rule out a negative conclusion (especially alcohol on a clubbing night) ? Quote: time isn't on your side when there is no proximity. I totally agree, except this was like.. 48 hours? Come on.

Author:	JackZero [ Fri Apr 07, 2017 5:22 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Did I not build enough rapport? Did I ask to date too so
Quote: I didn't jump to anything since I didn't suggest that was 100% the case. Why would you rule out a negative conclusion (especially alcohol on a clubbing night) ? You missed the point. I'm saying your conclusion is irrelevant if the guy keeps the momentum going. Quote: I totally agree, except this was like.. 48 hours? Come on. 48 hours of texting without it leading to anything...that's not seductive. It will more likely lead to disinterest (basically, what happened here).

Author:	R.C [ Fri Apr 07, 2017 7:25 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Did I not build enough rapport? Did I ask to date too so
Quote: I totally agree, except this was like.. 48 hours? Come on. 48 hours for someone met in a club is a very long time.

Author:	Autoregressive [ Mon Apr 10, 2017 4:40 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Did I not build enough rapport? Did I ask to date too so
48 hours doesn't mean shit when someone's actually attracted to you. This girl was probably either drunk and more outgoing that night and/or she just wasn't that into him.

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Author:	Monsignor Crisanto [ Mon Apr 10, 2017 5:44 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Did I not build enough rapport? Did I ask to date too so
Quote: 48 hours doesn't mean shit when someone's actually attracted to you. This girl was probably either drunk and more outgoing that night and/or she just wasn't that into him. It's the abundance of men around hot women that make 48 hours too long to make your move in a club. Women get attracted to a lot of men and that attraction can easily shift to the bolder men who can escalate the fastest. Escalation amplifies attraction. Meanwhile, hesitation or procrastination kills it.