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Stuck in the abusive girlfriend spiral and losing control
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Author:  butters123 [ Wed Mar 01, 2017 7:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Stuck in the abusive girlfriend spiral and losing control
Hi All,

How do I put this - im in a major rut. I've been in a long term relationship for nearly three years and my girlfriend seems to have lost a lot of the attraction and respect she had for me when we first started seeing each other. She gives me such a hard time I've had to convince her to go into therapy to calm her down. I love her and don't intend on breaking up with her but I don't know what to do. She is very controlling which means that she is always trying to break me down and be the man in the relationship and she will say and do anything to gain that control.

The sex has gone out the window. I can barely last two minutes and blowjobs are as common as a blue moon. I used to fuck this girl like I was some sort of super stud, I'd always make her laugh and she would hang off of my every word. Now I'm miserable with how things have ended up when 80 percent of the time we argue but I'm hanging onto the 20 percent when we don't.

I know I should go and join clubs and meet new girls etc but I don't know how to do that without day gaming but I can't do that because I'm serious about this girl. I guess I need my old confidence back without having to cheat on my girlfriend.

Any advise would be greatly appreciated for a guy who wants to stay in a relationship with this girl?

Butters.
Author:  JackZero [ Wed Mar 01, 2017 8:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Stuck in the abusive girlfriend spiral and losing contro
Can I ask you, why you wouldn't break up with her outside of loving her? There has to be something about her that's logical keeping you in the relationship.
Author:  butters123 [ Wed Mar 01, 2017 8:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Stuck in the abusive girlfriend spiral and losing contro
When we are good I really love her and we are like best friends but she had a very difficult childhood which has meant she developed a lot of twisted emotions. I don't have a whole lot of close relationships so I guess this one is of extra importance.
Author:  Khatib_Imron [ Wed Mar 01, 2017 8:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Stuck in the abusive girlfriend spiral and losing contro
It could be that you always repeat "something" she doesn't like.
Author:  butters123 [ Wed Mar 01, 2017 8:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Stuck in the abusive girlfriend spiral and losing contro
I don't understand?
Author:  JackZero [ Wed Mar 01, 2017 8:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Stuck in the abusive girlfriend spiral and losing contro
Quote:
When we are good I really love her and we are like best friends but she had a very difficult childhood which has meant she developed a lot of twisted emotions. I don't have a whole lot of close relationships so I guess this one is of extra importance.
You didn't come close to answering the question that I posed to you. Your answer is basically saying it's because you love her. What's worse is that you are giving her an excuse for the way she acts.

You lacking close relationships isn't a reason to be in a relationship that you are not happy in. If you are sacrificing 80% of your time arguing for having 20% of your time being able to get alone then you have emotions that are just as twisted as hers. If you want to fix this, you have to put all of your options on the table and leaving her is an option.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Mar 01, 2017 8:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Stuck in the abusive girlfriend spiral and losing contro
Why do you choose to remain unhappy? You came to a forum for picking up new women, not for keeping blown out beastly vaginas. Staying in isn't being a hero, it's being a pussy afraid to stand up for yourself.

What do you do? Stand there with your dick in your hand while she bitches about the toilet seat being left up?
Quote:
she had a very difficult childhood which has meant she developed a lot of twisted emotions.
Covering her ass with excuses isn't helping.
Quote:
I don't have a whole lot of close relationships so I guess this one is of extra importance.
So your attachment issues make you stay, because being alone is worse than shit on? Life is to short Brother.
Author:  Khatib_Imron [ Wed Mar 01, 2017 8:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Stuck in the abusive girlfriend spiral and losing contro
It could be you only think about yourself.
Author:  butters123 [ Wed Mar 01, 2017 8:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Stuck in the abusive girlfriend spiral and losing contro
Strong advise thank you. Easier said than done though. I'm gunna try to fix it first before I break it off to see if we can get back to where we were before.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Mar 01, 2017 9:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Stuck in the abusive girlfriend spiral and losing contro
Quote:
Strong advise thank you. Easier said than done though. I'm gunna try to fix it first before I break it off to see if we can get back to where we were before.
Start with the sexiest word you can ever say to a woman NO!
Author:  butters123 [ Wed Mar 01, 2017 9:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Stuck in the abusive girlfriend spiral and losing contro
I have no problem saying no the problem is neither does she
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Mar 01, 2017 9:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Stuck in the abusive girlfriend spiral and losing contro
Quote:
I have no problem saying no the problem is neither does she
Are you afraid SHE will walk away?
Author:  JackZero [ Wed Mar 01, 2017 9:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Stuck in the abusive girlfriend spiral and losing contro
Quote:
Quote:
I have no problem saying no the problem is neither does she
Are you afraid SHE will walk away?
Question of the Day
Author:  FaithfulRaider [ Wed Mar 01, 2017 10:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Stuck in the abusive girlfriend spiral and losing contro
Years ago I was in a similar situation. I was married for nearly 10 years. We had troubles early on with stuff like you're going through but thought having a baby would help so we did. After that things just got worse. She was angry, would scream and yell, lie about money, stuff that almost cost us our home not once but 3 times. I stuck it out for my daughter's sake but inside I was miserable. Sex was non-existent. I simply was not happy but didn't want to leave because I too thought that I loved her and it was my fault... That somehow it was something I was doing, or wasn't doing, that was making the relationship fail. She even told me on more than one occasion that she wasn't in love with me, and yet I stayed. She would use me, control me, lie to me, make me feel guilty. I loved my daughter and feared what would happen if I left the relationship.

Much like you, I came to the pick up community looking for answers. After some help from my recently divorced brother who had become a big time pick up artist, and from lots of research into PUA, I made the decision to finally put my happiness first. I stopped letting her push me around. I called her on her BS. It was clearly apparent I had grown a backbone, however things just got worse as she tried to exert her will on me even more forcefully.

One night after a particularly bad getting yelled at session I decided to finally stick up for myself and put my foot down. After seeing she no longer had that power over me and that I had changed, she went right to "I think we should get a divorce". Inside I was SO happy! Her real feelings finally were revealed. She didn't want me if she couldn't control me. I told her I thought that was a great idea. I started sleeping in another bedroom, and in a few days she had left to her mother's home. She tried several times to talk me back into the relationship but I answered her with divorce papers.

Once I was free I began putting what I learned with PUA into practice. I had the confidence and skills to flirt with and date girls way hotter, younger, smarter, friendlier, and happier than my ex. I soon found the one with everything I wanted for my own happiness and because of PUA I knew I could get her. We are now married and have a beautiful little girl together and I honestly couldn't be happier.

What I didn't tell you is that that bad relationship wasn't my first such relationship. In college I dated a girl for 5 years who treated me even worse. I ended up having to move away to escape it but because I didn't better myself and learn that my happiness is important, I fell into the same trap only months later with my ex wife.

I can't say if your situation is one worth saving. I thought mine was for a long time, but looking back I spent half my life in miserable relationships where I was mistreated and used, all under the guise of love. All I can say is you deserve to be happy. If you sit down with your girl and can discuss this and she acknowledges your need for happiness and is willing to CHANGE to make you happy, then there you go. If she is not, then you need to accept the fact that your love for her will never bring you happiness and things are very likely going to continue worsening. I highly suspect she will not be willing to change and you are going to have to decide if you are willing to leave her to pursue your happiness. Just remember you are NOT happy now and without HER changing you will continue to be unhappy.

Personally it is clear to me that her happiness is the only thing she really cares about. The moment you voice your unhappiness and make real changes towards having what you want in life, in that moment she sees you are no longer hers to control and make miserable, she won't want you and will do everything to push you away, cheat on you, try to knock you down even more, then she will bring everything crashing down around her, including you.

Life is too short. Be happy. Stop involving yourself with people who mistreat you and don't care about your happiness.

I would write down a list of things that are keeping you from being happy. Be honest. Sit down with her and let her know how her actions are hurting you. See if she is willing to correct these issues. It will be immediately obvious if she truly cares for you and wants to work with you at solving these problems, and you need to have a plan ready to set in motion when it becomes obvious that she is not willing to do so.
Author:  Autoregressive [ Thu Mar 02, 2017 6:05 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Stuck in the abusive girlfriend spiral and losing contro
What about fixing whatever started all of the problems? You were fine before, then things got worse. Sounds like there might have been an event or chain of events that led you to being where you are.
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