(Perhaps I should say how do I stop caring what PEOPLE think of me, but I will limit it to girls for this post)

This may be something better addressed in counseling or whatever, but I've found that even though you have a professional counseling degree, that doesn't make you necessarily any better of a counselor than normal people, and I have been to a lot of counselors.

This is a story from a couple weeks ago. I was sitting at an outdoor restaurant down town, after winding up my night of going to a few bars/clubs. Out of the corner of my eye, there was a female figure talking to a guy. I noticed that at the deepest part of my psyche, I started to EXTREMELY CARE what she thought of me. I cared about the way I imagine that she was interpreting my looks, body language, everything.

I really wanted this complete stranger to like me.

Then, after about 5 minutes, I look at her for the first time and she is UGLY.

My mind is so caught up caring what everyone thinks of me that I can't even be myself and don't even know who I am.

How could I ever get to any sort of vulnerability or comfort when I have massive anxiety worrying about the opinions of complete strangers that turn out to be ugly after I muster the courage to look in their direction after 5 minutes.

Here's something else I need to add:

In the book "Models" by Mark Manson, there is a line that says something like...

A woman will jump into bed with a man that is more invested in his opinion of himself than in her opinion of him.

And that when a woman says a guy has "it," what she means is that when he looks in his eyes, this is what she sees (the line I wrote above).

I think when girls look into my eyes, in the brief moments that I am brave enough to make eye contact with them, they see....

"This guy cares so much what I think of him that he would do anything for my approval and would probably kill himself if I said one thing that took him off his perch and triggered one of his insecurities."

Other than that, they probably think I'm a psycho if I'm in the wrong mood...

And would think that I would cheat on them if I ever had to opportunity if I ever got into a relationship with them, which is probably never going to happen for me because I have too many issues.

Thanks, but trust me, I've seen all the counselors in the world.

I was forced into the court-ordered mental health system a few years back. I have gotten to the point where I can predict my counselors words because I even tell them to him/her.

My last counselor told, "every time you get mad, start listening to music." This is advice that does not help.

And I have seen all the psychiatrists in the world also.

There is a limit to what they can do.

Go to the fucking gym and TRAIN your body. Beat the fucking piss out of yourself. Tear yourself down. Realize the only one who can bring you down is you, mother fucker.

No, what can bring me down is my past.

No, what can bring me down is my past.

I've actually had a few PM's with the OP. I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that his past will haunt him when it comes to women if he doesn't close the deal on the same day and will likely lose the girl after the fact. It's bad enough that he has to be so charming and amazing that a woman will refuse to believe the information that's out there.

My suggestion to him is that he goes by his middle name so he actually has a chance because he has serious hurdles. It's not that he can't get over his past. He's been branded.