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Men Talk About Their Past Girls To New Girls?!
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Author:  HT23VWY67 [ Tue Sep 13, 2016 2:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Men Talk About Their Past Girls To New Girls?!
I've come across the 2 types:
One that talks about his exes or past dates in a bitter way, perhaps to elicit sympathy.
Another that talks about how great his exes or past dates were.

Let me explain:

Many years back, was chatting online with this young man. He went on and on about how accomplished he is, then drops a, "The last girl I dated was very accomplished and the one before that was doing Y and the previous one X....."

Another dude told me how all of his past girls were models and how he gave them mind blowing orgasms.

After hearing a man 'brag' about his past dates, I lose interest right away.
I think, and correct me if I'm wrong since you are all males here, that these men want to convey a certain image of themselves, like, oh, I'm successful, great catch and not only that, I only date models and lawyers and I'm super desirable. Am I right here?

Others give their 'I'm such a great guy, but poor old me, they all use me' spiel.


Maybe it works with some women, but it doesn't make him more desirable to me. Oh, first conversation/first date and he's already chatting about his past flames? Okay, let's cut this date early, not interested, good luck.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Tue Sep 13, 2016 4:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men Talk About Their Past Girls To New Girls?!
Either scenario is supplicating.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Tue Sep 13, 2016 4:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men Talk About Their Past Girls To New Girls?!
Could be supplicating, however in the later scenario more likely a type of qualification ("you'd better be as good as them if you want a chance"), and as you said a way to 'come off'/create a certain image of himself.

If he's bringing up any one particular person often, it may indicate he's not quite moved-on from the relationship and the attachment is still strong.

In any case, red flags.
Author:  HT23VWY67 [ Tue Sep 13, 2016 4:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men Talk About Their Past Girls To New Girls?!
N2, that's really spot on about the whole you better be good as them mentality.

I'd like to add that talking about how great or bad your past dates were to a new date is really such a turn off, especially if it's the first initial dates. You already stepped on the wrong foot, so to speak, so moving forward isn't going to work out. And it pretty much never did with any of the guys that said those things to me.

I get the whole you're a great guy but she was a bitch, but nobody enjoys the company of a vindictive pessimistic person.

And for the qualify yourself to me guy, that's just as bad. It's like you already placed yourself on a pedestal and she has to jump through so many hoops to prove herself. I think 'qualify yourself' should be on both parties and it should be understood, not like in big bold letters screamed out. We get it.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Tue Sep 13, 2016 4:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men Talk About Their Past Girls To New Girls?!
I try to keep exes out of the conversation entirely. I may down the line mention I have a specific trigger about something that had developed from a past relationship, but beyond that the past is the past.

The vast majority of people will paint themselves as the moral exemplar of their former relationships. Most men/women aren't going to say "he/she left me because I was a total shit", I prefer to just say "it wasn't a good fit".
Author:  Mr. Assertive [ Tue Sep 13, 2016 6:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men Talk About Their Past Girls To New Girls?!
I don't talk about my past girlfriends at all. Or my last lays. Girls usually assume I am pre-selected so I don't really have to go through any of that nonsense.

Hell, they don't even know the type of car I drive until I pick them up in it. Ha.

You just haven't me the third type. The type that knows his shit. Just like the posters on this forum who speak sense.They know who they are.
Author:  Arch Stanton [ Tue Sep 13, 2016 7:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men Talk About Their Past Girls To New Girls?!
I never complain about ex's to current dates/gf's. Nothing worse than the bitter guy. I will only speak negatively about them if they call or text at 12 am for a booty call while I'm with my girl.

I will however rarely use an ex to make a point if my gf isn't doing something I like, or if i want to try a threesome ("here's what's worked for me in the past, etc).
Author:  Aqualol [ Tue Sep 13, 2016 7:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men Talk About Their Past Girls To New Girls?!
I would instantly equate somebody bringing up an ex (unless for an extremely valid and short reason) a loser.

We move forward and learn from the past, but we definitely don't share/compare our past to the present with somebody we don't really know.

I mean, yes, you can speak maybe about an ex or some situation when you have a great bond/connection with somebody (she's your girlfriend and you plan to keep it that way so you want to share more of yourself), but to a new person?

As Heywood said, it's supplicating.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Tue Sep 13, 2016 7:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men Talk About Their Past Girls To New Girls?!
Quote:
I would instantly equate somebody bringing up an ex (unless for an extremely valid and short reason) a loser.

We move forward and learn from the past, but we definitely don't share/compare our past to the present with somebody we don't really know.

I mean, yes, you can speak maybe about an ex or some situation when you have a great bond/connection with somebody (she's your girlfriend and you plan to keep it that way so you want to share more of yourself), but to a new person?

As Heywood said, it's supplicating.
Do you know what supplicating means?
Author:  n2thevoid [ Tue Sep 13, 2016 7:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men Talk About Their Past Girls To New Girls?!
Quote:
I never complain about ex's to current dates/gf's. Nothing worse than the bitter guy. I will only speak negatively about them if they call or text at 12 am for a booty call while I'm with my girl.

I will however rarely use an ex to make a point if my gf isn't doing something I like, or if i want to try a threesome ("here's what's worked for me in the past, etc).
Ok. So u'll only bring up an ex when you feel it necessary to manipulate your current gf to get what you want.

Sounds healthy...
Author:  Arch Stanton [ Tue Sep 13, 2016 8:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men Talk About Their Past Girls To New Girls?!
At least I'm honest.

And for what it's worth, the entire solar system is unhealthy. We came from violence and heat. It flows beneath us. space is a cold, dark void of nothingness.

All of us are born to die.

A little unhealthiness is congruent with our origins.
Author:  HT23VWY67 [ Tue Sep 13, 2016 9:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Men Talk About Their Past Girls To New Girls?!
LOL, it's okay, I've met the third type. They don't stir up stuff like the weirdos.
Author:  R.C [ Wed Sep 14, 2016 6:44 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Men Talk About Their Past Girls To New Girls?!
The only time I talk about ex girls is if the new girls ask themselves. But to purposely bring it up.. lol. Just lol.
Author:  Autoregressive [ Wed Sep 14, 2016 6:46 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Men Talk About Their Past Girls To New Girls?!
If things get serious between a couple, one might ask another about their past exes out of curiosity. You can't just bury your past no matter how hard you try.

Dodging the question makes you look sketchy and untrustworthy, but being overly biased (especially in a negative or positive way) about a past ex might have some negative repercussions, too.

No need to bring it up unless one party asks. And as mentioned, I don't think that happens unless things get serious.
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