Hey,

About 5 years ago I was a student studying biomedical sciences, but I went into software development as a career.

I just lost my job in software development. My whole social circle was at work and I am isolated.

While job-hunting, I decided to work on my laptop at the med school library.

I'm in my mid 30's and I see a lot of cute 22-28 year old girls there. Some of them check me out, because I'm decent looking and pay close attention to the way I dress. I dress my age, I own it. I look mature and refined.

I am a white male and I prefer white women. The white girls are in always big study groups with dudes involved, whereas the foreign girls are usually by themselves or in groups with other foreign girls.

White women are idealized in almost every culture and they know this.

The flip side is, white men (like me) are also idealized which makes a white man (like me) attractive to a foreign woman. I notice that I get a lot of looks from foreign girls, like light-skinned Middle-Eastern girls.

I don't feel like I would be uncomfortable approaching foreigners, because I get along well with foreigners. If I say something stupid, they usually don't know the difference because they assume it's a cultural thing!! It's true, you can get away with saying dumb shit more often.

So here's my question. I am most attracted to the white women. Is it okay, though, for me to start out on my "training wheels" by approaching foreign women, just to build more social proof than sitting alone?

Is this going to lower my value in the eyes of white women, just because of the stigma about desperate white guys who don't feel "good enough" for a white woman?

Maybe this will raise my value in the eyes of white women, though! Think about it... If I were a white girl, maybe I'd be like "what am I doing wrong?! I'm white. I'm supposed to be the ideal standard of beauty... why is he approaching her and not me?!"

I lost my job, and I just want to be able to sit down and talk with a girl and work on my laptop at the same table as her. Not even necessarily talk that much. Just sit at the same table and work. I prefer to work at the same table as someone else who is also working. Helps me feel less alone.

I'm not even trying to pull anyone at this point. I'm just trying to make friends. Technically I'm not supposed to be in the library since I'm not a student anymore, so I need to make sure the people I sit with are cool with me being there... Pretty sure I can pull this off with foreign women but I want to migrate toward the white women once I feel comfortable.

Any thoughts? I know I'm twisted up inside. Please help.

Okok. I am messed up. I get that... So is there anyone here who can say "just be cool, you'll be alright. calm down and think about this?"

I'm not like this all of the time, it's just the trauma I've experienced recently has really screwed with my head.

My employer fired me for getting sick. Now I have to go through a lawsuit with one of the largest companies in my area. It's scary.

I'm in bad shape. Let's try to find a silver lining in this....

All of the other shit aside.. I never thought I'd hear of a WHITE guy thinking about race when he wants WHITE women.