Hi all,
Let me introduce myself very briefly before I post my questions.
I am a 25 year old good looking male with a good job and living in my appartment in the middle of a big city center. I am going to the gym 5-6 times a week and have a big social group I could hang out with both girls and male friends. Also I am dating multiple hot girls at the moment.
However I still caught myself getting needy over a girl that I might have put too high on a pedestal and I treated her with respect because she was playing the victim of being raped 2 times in her life. We have know each other for about 4 year now and we lived far away from each other in that time, but we were always sexting and flirting.
Up until 3 months ago she moved close to me and she wanted to see me. (She was still with her ex boyfriend back then but it was almost over).
We had a good vibe and she was more into me than I was into her. We had great sex and we repeated this for about 1.5 months. Things were getting more serious, at this point we had a relationship. I helped her moving her stuff and bought her a present for her new place.
The next time we met, she was a little bit distant, we didn't have sex and it seemed like the old her was gone. I thought it was just her period or some emotional swing she was on so I decided to play it cool.
A week later I was leaving to Bali for 3 weeks to have a vacation. We met up, and again we didn't have sex, and again she was colder. We kissed and hugged goodbye but I could sense that she was not as happy as before.
This continued on on SPAM and Phone when I was on vacation (in the evenings when I was in bed). Asked her several times what the problem was but she told me that I was overthinking and nothing was wrong. So I decided to believe her and continue on. I tried sexting with her but she told me she was not in the mood.
At this point I was certain that there was something wrong. I asked her to be honest with me and she told me that she was not ready for a relationship because of her past. (before she was the one that wanted a relationship). She told me that her old relationships were only an escape to forget about her past. And she didn't want that to happen to us. I told her that it was not a problem, but I didn't like it and I told her that I couldn't promise her that I would wait for her until she got herself fixed. She told me that she couldn't prohibit me to not see other girls but she also told me that she wouldn't like it.
We called a couple of times and she told me that she was missing me. I explained her that I didnt choose for this situation etc.
After I came back from my vacation she was supposed to pick her stuff up at my place and talk things over. She noticed me 2 hours after the initial meet up that she couldn't come because she needed to clean her appartment. Yes lame excuses I know
. I told her that she didn't respect my time and I drove to her to drop her stuff off because I wanted to get closure. She took me inside her place and we talked for over and hour. It was nothing special because everytime I was talking about the situation, she changed subjects. I decided to go home, hugged her and kissed her(?)
That kiss was more of a test to see if she would let me do it, instead she let me do it 3 times and hugged me intens. At this point we said goodbye and we haven't had contact for about 5 days now.
She is HB10 and when she went cold on my, I started to get a little needy because I just wanted to know what was going on and where I was standing in the relationship. I know I should've been indifferent but it was very hard for me so I failed.
I was wondering what you guys think of this situation, and if I could learn something from it so it won't happen in the future. And please don't say don't date girls with a damaged background because that would be too easy. I am here to improve and not to avoid meeting different kind of girls.
As I want to learn, I was also wondering if there is a way to get girl back someday when she fixed herself. And how this could be done optimally.
And I was wondering if this girl might have used an excuse because she might have lost attraction or found a shinier guy. I know it's just a scenario, but there could be a different reason and she just didn't want to hurt my feelings.
Thank in advance. Looking forward to your opinions
PositiveVibe