PUA Forum :: Have u "opened up" to your lady before ? How did that go ?

I feel like women don't want to hear your sob story or your bare heart

they rather hear you as a strong emotionally competent man.

But that's not my post. My post is that I don't think women want to see you open your heart up. I think it does the opposite. It makes them start looking at you in a bad light. If you want to vent, get a drinking buddy that's a dude or a therapist.

Vulnerability can be insanely attractive.

Generally though, keep your feelings for friends lol.

Void has lots of good advice, but his advice to "speak your feelings whenever you want" is bad. It's a great way to get owned by beautiful and strong women early on.

I have come to the impression that I can't ever really open up to a woman. Not because I don't want to, because it will do the opposite of what it is intended. I feel like women don't want to hear your sob story or your bare heart, they rather hear you as a strong emotionally competent man. I've been chatting to a lot of girls lately. Mostly to get this emotional connection thing down pat and it's funny; If I do talk about hardships I can see the look on their face as if they are about to get their "yes, yes, open up to me so I can confirm that I can make you fall for me" but I usually stop it on instinct because it sounds silly to even me.

So far it's been going well though. These chicks are hitting me up and are addicted to the feelings etc.

But that's not my post. My post is that I don't think women want to see you open your heart up. I think it does the opposite. It makes them start looking at you in a bad light. If you want to vent, get a drinking buddy that's a dude or a therapist.

If you're wanting to find someone to spend your life with, wouldn't you want someone you can feel free to share your feelings with and lean on at times? feel inspired by and inspire? evolve with?

Quote:

If you're wanting to find someone to spend your life with, wouldn't you want someone you can feel free to share your feelings with and lean on at times? feel inspired by and inspire? evolve with?

I agree with this, and honestly it's been my weakness. But you can't barf up your feelings early on or you'll get owned. Perhaps this should come with a disclaimer like:

*if she invites herself over via text, then marches up to your bedroom, stands on the bed and starts stripping

*if she says she loves you

*if she blows up your phone more often than not

*if she can't get enough or give enough oral

etc

Quote:

If you're wanting to find someone to spend your life with, wouldn't you want someone you can feel free to share your feelings with and lean on at times? feel inspired by and inspire? evolve with?

Quote:

Unfortunately when she has a problem, we are supposed to be dropping everything we are doing and helping them out. It doesn't usually happen that way for us.

Author:	Mr. Assertive [ Fri Jul 29, 2016 11:27 pm ]
Post subject:	Have u "opened up" to your lady before ? How did that go ?
I have come to the impression that I can't ever really open up to a woman. Not because I don't want to, because it will do the opposite of what it is intended. I feel like women don't want to hear your sob story or your bare heart, they rather hear you as a strong emotionally competent man. I've been chatting to a lot of girls lately. Mostly to get this emotional connection thing down pat and it's funny; If I do talk about hardships I can see the look on their face as if they are about to get their "yes, yes, open up to me so I can confirm that I can make you fall for me" but I usually stop it on instinct because it sounds silly to even me. So far it's been going well though. These chicks are hitting me up and are addicted to the feelings etc. But that's not my post. My post is that I don't think women want to see you open your heart up. I think it does the opposite. It makes them start looking at you in a bad light. If you want to vent, get a drinking buddy that's a dude or a therapist.

Author:	n2thevoid [ Fri Jul 29, 2016 11:39 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Have u "opened up" to your lady before ? How did that go
sad

Author:	Mr. Assertive [ Fri Jul 29, 2016 11:52 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Have u "opened up" to your lady before ? How did that go
Quote: sad nature can be.

Author:	Arch Stanton [ Sat Jul 30, 2016 12:13 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Have u "opened up" to your lady before ? How did that go
Void has lots of good advice, but his advice to "speak your feelings whenever you want" is bad. It's a great way to get owned by beautiful and strong women early on.

Author:	Arch Stanton [ Sat Jul 30, 2016 12:17 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Have u "opened up" to your lady before ? How did that go
Quote: I feel like women don't want to hear your sob story or your bare heart They don't. UNLESS you're in a relationship, and one of your flaws is not opening up at all or being a cold dick. Then a little feelings talk/showing vulnerability works great. Quote: they rather hear you as a strong emotionally competent man. Yup. Quote: But that's not my post. My post is that I don't think women want to see you open your heart up. I think it does the opposite. It makes them start looking at you in a bad light. If you want to vent, get a drinking buddy that's a dude or a therapist. Agreed. Doing this early on with truly beautiful, strong women is deadly. But like I said before, a little "peppering" of these emotions are necessary in a relationship. Hot women don't want to hear you bitch or complain or whine. They hear this from a hundred male orbiters. I've been privy to many instances where a girl shows me her phone and what she does to these guys, with a shark-like gleam in her eye. At their core, beautiful women just want too have a great time cumming and catching a buzz. Do this well and it's pretty easy.

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Author:	J.Daniels [ Sat Jul 30, 2016 12:33 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Have u "opened up" to your lady before ? How did that go
Vulnerability can be insanely attractive. Generally though, keep your feelings for friends lol.

Author:	Mr. Assertive [ Sat Jul 30, 2016 12:56 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Have u "opened up" to your lady before ? How did that go
Quote: Vulnerability can be insanely attractive. Generally though, keep your feelings for friends lol. Which one is it J. lol.

Author:	n2thevoid [ Sat Jul 30, 2016 1:12 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Have u "opened up" to your lady before ? How did that go
Quote: Void has lots of good advice, but his advice to "speak your feelings whenever you want" is bad. It's a great way to get owned by beautiful and strong women early on. Is it now. Did I say that verbatim, if so can you show me where?

Author:	n2thevoid [ Sat Jul 30, 2016 1:14 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Have u "opened up" to your lady before ? How did that go
Quote: I have come to the impression that I can't ever really open up to a woman. Not because I don't want to, because it will do the opposite of what it is intended. I feel like women don't want to hear your sob story or your bare heart, they rather hear you as a strong emotionally competent man. I've been chatting to a lot of girls lately. Mostly to get this emotional connection thing down pat and it's funny; If I do talk about hardships I can see the look on their face as if they are about to get their "yes, yes, open up to me so I can confirm that I can make you fall for me" but I usually stop it on instinct because it sounds silly to even me. So far it's been going well though. These chicks are hitting me up and are addicted to the feelings etc. But that's not my post. My post is that I don't think women want to see you open your heart up. I think it does the opposite. It makes them start looking at you in a bad light. If you want to vent, get a drinking buddy that's a dude or a therapist. What is your intent on opening up to women: is it to seek their approval/gain their sympathies, or is it to share what's alive in you because you want to live as authentically as possible with those that matter? If you're wanting to find someone to spend your life with, wouldn't you want someone you can feel free to share your feelings with and lean on at times? feel inspired by and inspire? evolve with?

Author:	Arch Stanton [ Sat Jul 30, 2016 1:20 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Have u "opened up" to your lady before ? How did that go
Quote: If you're wanting to find someone to spend your life with, wouldn't you want someone you can feel free to share your feelings with and lean on at times? feel inspired by and inspire? evolve with? I agree with this, and honestly it's been my weakness. But you can't barf up your feelings early on or you'll get owned. Perhaps this should come with a disclaimer like: if she invites herself over via text, then marches up to your bedroom, stands on the bed and starts stripping if she says she loves you if she blows up your phone more often than not if she can't get enough or give enough oral etc

Author:	JackZero [ Sat Jul 30, 2016 1:27 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Have u "opened up" to your lady before ? How did that go
Quote: Quote: If you're wanting to find someone to spend your life with, wouldn't you want someone you can feel free to share your feelings with and lean on at times? feel inspired by and inspire? evolve with? I agree with this, and honestly it's been my weakness. But you can't barf up your feelings early on or you'll get owned. Perhaps this should come with a disclaimer like: if she invites herself over via text, then marches up to your bedroom, stands on the bed and starts stripping if she says she loves you if she blows up your phone more often than not if she can't get enough or give enough oral etc Basically, when she indicates that she is into you enough so you can let your guard down?

Author:	n2thevoid [ Sat Jul 30, 2016 1:28 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Have u "opened up" to your lady before ? How did that go
Quote: Quote: If you're wanting to find someone to spend your life with, wouldn't you want someone you can feel free to share your feelings with and lean on at times? feel inspired by and inspire? evolve with? I agree with this, and honestly it's been my weakness. But you can't barf up your feelings early on or you'll get owned. Perhaps this should come with a disclaimer like: if she invites herself over via text, then marches up to your bedroom, stands on the bed and starts stripping if she says she loves you if she blows up your phone more often than not if she can't get enough or give enough oral etc You want a RESPONSIVE partner, and you might as well find early on in the game if she is that person by opening up and seeing if she responds in a healthy way. Healthy ways: she consoles you, listens to you without judgment, FEELS closer and more connected to you etc.. those are what a healthy female do. An unhealthy woman will diminish you, push you away (act repulsed by your opening-up), frame you as weak etc.. "Barfing up feelings" is not a sign of being vulnerable its a sign of neediness and approval seeking - among all else poor boundaries or a lack thereof.

Author:	n2thevoid [ Sat Jul 30, 2016 1:32 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Have u "opened up" to your lady before ? How did that go
you should have strong boundaries from the get go by having them u won't have to even implement them thats the thing. We are DEPENDENT by nature. Dependency has gotten a bad wrap in western culture, its seen as weakness and neediness. WE promote rugged individualism which goes against the very nature of human kind. Rather, we are a species that feels 'whole' through our connections with others - both giving and receiving. A healthy partner is one you CAN depend. Dependency in this form is healthy and there's tonnes of research showing how having a responsive partner who is open and willing to help you meet your needs reduces all sorts of physical and psychological ailments acting as a sort of panacea from everything including heart diseases to depression. Co-dependency, unlike dependency is very different though unfortunately the two are often lump summed together. You want to have a healthy dependent relationship on your partner and vice versa. If they aren't there for you what's the point.

Author:	Mr. Assertive [ Sat Jul 30, 2016 2:48 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Have u "opened up" to your lady before ? How did that go
Quote: If you're wanting to find someone to spend your life with, wouldn't you want someone you can feel free to share your feelings with and lean on at times? feel inspired by and inspire? evolve with? Unfortunately I can't answer this at this time since I decided on a polyamorous lifestyle. This post was derived from previous relationships. It is also derived from the women currently who I am dating but not in a "relationship" with. I actually do not want to be dependent on anyone. This is why I have decided to vent only to my friends and a psychologist I see once a month. This helps a lot. I may meet awesome women, but like everything, they may leave like the seasons. Which leaves me back to square one where I would still depend on myself to pick myself back up and move forward. If I have to lean on people, it will be very few times that I will do so. I am not stubborn to understand that people are social creatures. I understand that connections are important but it's important to understand that you should still be the captain of your own ship. I don't do co-captains. I can have that same type of inspiration through friendships or through following in someone's footsteps (a respected known entity) , it doesn't necessarily need to be with my partner. I meant that would be nice and all but it comes to a point where the woman will not care about your feelings unless your feelings have a direct effect on theirs. Which is why sometimes sharing all these feelings is pointless because eventually the woman will get agitated. She doesn't want to be an emotional tampon and make you feel better. Unfortunately when she has a problem, we are supposed to be dropping everything we are doing and helping them out. It doesn't usually happen that way for us.

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Author:	Arch Stanton [ Sat Jul 30, 2016 4:23 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Have u "opened up" to your lady before ? How did that go
Quote: Quote: Unfortunately when she has a problem, we are supposed to be dropping everything we are doing and helping them out. It doesn't usually happen that way for us. I have found that letting the woman talk a lot about the problem (by asking her questions) is superior to actually helping her physically. With her grievances aired, she will then go about managing the problem herself. I will drop in advice from time to time though during conversation, but I make sure the line has emotional resonance. But I won't be her male butler unless she's sick. Women aren't helpless and dumb. They are better multi-taskers than men and much more socially aware.