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She has a boyfriend. Would you pursue?
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Author:  nellyneg [ Thu Jul 14, 2016 5:41 am ]
Post subject:  She has a boyfriend. Would you pursue?
I recently met a girl who sort of ticks all of my boxes, personality-wise. She's attractive, but it's more who she is that sort of draws my curiosity. Now, I've had some bad luck lately; I've been meeting a lot of attractive women who happen to be in committed relationships (go figure). As a rule, I tend to do the right thing and back off. In this case, I'm likely to do the same.

I gave her my number through a friend while organizing a meet up with a few of us. Our plans fell through, but we ended up talking till nearly 3 am. It was around that time that she casually slipped in the fact that she has a boyfriend. We hung out in a small group the next night, and a few times after - and we tend to text if we aren't seated next to each other. On another night, I sort of tried and failed to get her to come out to drink with just me, despite the fact that she clearly trusts me (and to be fair, I wasn't going to get her shitfaced). I just wanted to hit her up in a one on one setting. We've made plans to hangout with just the two of us, and went out a few nights ago. I was coming down from a virus, and wasn't at my best. We were both sober. I didn't do anything to elevate myself, but I'll have a few opportunities to redeem myself soon.

She's in a long-distance relationship, and will be leaving the country for charity work overseas soon (he won't be coming with her). I've only known her for a few weeks, but I like the connection I have with her. It's more of a jovial banter than anything flirtatious, but I'm sure it would be perceived that way by some people.

I tease her. I don't let her get the upper hand, and that seems to keep our dynamic going strong. But I also realize that my window is running out here. I'm likely going to do the right thing and back off, but I'm also curious to hear what people here have to say.

I'm not looking for judgment. I haven't hit on this girl, and have been respectful. But I do want to know if one shitty one on one encounter can be redeemed.
Author:  JackZero [ Thu Jul 14, 2016 5:51 am ]
Post subject:  Re: She has a boyfriend. Would you pursue?
Will she still check all of your boxes if you pursue and get her? She will have a new box for cheater or leave my boyfriend for someone else.
Author:  R.C [ Thu Jul 14, 2016 7:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: She has a boyfriend. Would you pursue?
If she's interested, go for it.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Thu Jul 14, 2016 3:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: She has a boyfriend. Would you pursue?
Quote:
She's in a long-distance relationship, and will be leaving the country for charity work overseas soon
Why do you care? It's not likely to develop past the 'fling' stage. Just go for that.

Show sexual interest, isolate her, escalate to the "It just happened" point of no return. Worst outcome, she'll be flattered you Man'd up and took your roll.

It's not cheating if it was because you seduced her, thus not her fault.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Thu Jul 14, 2016 5:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: She has a boyfriend. Would you pursue?
Depends on your personal morals.

If you aren't against cheaters/cheating behavior than green means go.

If you frown upon cheating, and people with proclivities to cheat then even if you win her over it'll likely mess with your head down the line.

For myself I can't imagine feeling secure with a relationship-jumper. It'd be in the back of my mind that she'd allow herself to be wooed by the next guy that came along with good game.
Author:  neo87 [ Thu Jul 14, 2016 5:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: She has a boyfriend. Would you pursue?
N2 I'm surprised today as well.

Op this chick is going away soon. So your goal is the get a chick to leave her long distance relationship so that you can jump into a long distance relationship. Morals are your business but I'm just saying you want to replace a guy who is in a shitty situation ie long distance with yourself entering that shitty situation. Hook up with her if you want but there shouldn't be much thought on what should be a fling before she leaves.
Author:  Mr. Assertive [ Thu Jul 14, 2016 7:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: She has a boyfriend. Would you pursue?
Give her the D
Author:  Rolski [ Mon Jul 18, 2016 6:07 am ]
Post subject:  Re: She has a boyfriend. Would you pursue?
Depends on your end goals here mate.

She's leaving soon to go overseas, there's nothing you can do about this.

If you're after a fuck over a weekend or some shit, I'd say go for it.

If you think this is "The One" and you may marry her one day, don't bother. Cause she's leaving soon and you're gonna get yourself wound up over nothing.
Author:  Jay (Majik) [ Tue Jul 19, 2016 11:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: She has a boyfriend. Would you pursue?
I really don't care if she has a boyfriend usually. It's obvious that if she's into me, he's not satisfying her.

I've realized over the years that this could be the guys fault because he doesn't give her what she needs or it's the girls fault because she's an insatiable freak who doesn't belong in a relationship. Once you figure out which one of the two it is, I'd say then would be an okay time to determine whether or not you'd like a relationship. If she's insatiable, you can fuck her if you want but that'll probably be more drama than it's worth.

Emotionally healthy girls typically don't cheat on guys they are in happy relationships with. I'm typically not a fan of anything serious with the relationship hoppers but that doesn't mean I won't enjoy sleeping with her a few times. If the girl is unhappy with her boyfriend, well you were just her way of ending it. Whether or not she really wants a relationship with you, I dunno.

You don't know this girl yet. To say she "checks all of your boxes" is pretty ignorant. Why don't you sleep with her a few times first before putting her in the girlfriend category? Actually see what type of girl she really is? Considering you didn't know she had a boyfriend yet.... Well, you're not ready for a relationship with her.

I wrote an article on my blog called The Girlfriend Checklist. It might be something that will be of value to you in this situation. Check it out! :)
Author:  J.Daniels [ Wed Jul 20, 2016 12:17 am ]
Post subject:  Re: She has a boyfriend. Would you pursue?
Quote:
Will she still check all of your boxes if you pursue and get her? She will have a new box for cheater or leave my boyfriend for someone else.
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