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Confused and Blindsided. What happened?
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Author:  jebrooks1988 [ Wed Jul 13, 2016 1:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Confused and Blindsided. What happened?
I met this guy almost two months ago and we hit it off very well. We live about two hours away from each other but have managed to see each other almost every weekend. Three weeks ago he told me that he liked me a lot and this doesn't usually happen to him. Two weeks ago he mentioned he spilled his feelings again. Now, last weekend I he said he wanted to spend the 4th with me, so he did. He got drunk and asked if I was seeing someone else because he's not and doesn't want to. Also, said he doesn't want me to see anyone else either because he just wants us to see each other. Any who, sober he asked me to spend 5 days with him at his beach house for the 20th. All good signs, or so I thought.

He isn't the best at communicating. I know that everyone isn't attached to their phones but geesh he's really bad. Last week we started talking about past relationships and how his previous girlfriends/women he casually dated would have an issue with how detached he could get. How he would go days without saying something but he said it's not that I wasn't interested in them he's just isn't good with communicating and . I just chalked that up to bull and him just not being that into them. Now since meeting we haven't talked all day and night and I don't expect to since we're not together. Neither do I expect to speak everyday. So this is where I'm at now. I got home last Tuesday and he reached out Wednesday. We exchanged 2 or 3 texts and the no response. He reached out on Thursday and exchanged 2 or 3 texts and no response. I haven't heard from him since then and we're supposed to be leaving for our trip on Sunday. I'm this close to just calling him, declining to go on the trip, and just tell him off.

Outside of the communicating thing one would think he's very interested but now, especially after not speaking with him since last Thursday. So I reached out yesterday said I was unsure about the weekend, in a joking way said how he is bad at communicating and that I didn't like it. He then says he doesn't think the trip is a good idea.

How tf do you all lose interest in only a week's time? When HE was the one saying all this stuff about not want to date other people and how he's not seeing anyone else. Granted he was drunk when he said this, but, HE was asking me where he stood with me because he doesn't want to play games because it would 'hurt his feelings' if I dated other people. HE said he wanted to do something for my birthday in a few weeks. HE asked to spend the 4th together. All last week he did those things and the week before that HE asked me to go on this trip. HE was the one trying to get all chummy with my friends. Just doesn't make sense.

I'm just pissed lol. A week and lose interest? How?
Author:  R.C [ Wed Jul 13, 2016 2:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Confused and Blindsided. What happened?
It's pretty obvious that this guy is emotionally unavailable. That, or he's playing stupid mindgames.

Who the hell brings up exclusivity while drunk?

Then you invite what is apparently your girlfriend on a trip and then you ghost on her completely for almost a week, right before the weekend you're supposed to leave? That's not being bad at communication, that's being bad at life. And also at common sense.

Here's the thing sunshine, instead of running around in circles wondering how "he lost interest in a week", take a second and start listening to his actions. Do they look like the actions of a dude that's being serious with you?
Author:  dannmann1992 [ Wed Jul 13, 2016 3:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Confused and Blindsided. What happened?
Quote:
It's pretty obvious that this guy is emotionally unavailable. That, or he's playing stupid mindgames.

Who the hell brings up exclusivity while drunk?

Then you invite what is apparently your girlfriend on a trip and then you ghost on her completely for almost a week, right before the weekend you're supposed to leave? That's not being bad at communication, that's being bad at life. And also at common sense.

Here's the thing sunshine, instead of running around in circles wondering how "he lost interest in a week", take a second and start listening to his actions. Do they look like the actions of a dude that's being serious with you?
I have to disagree.


So he pours his heart out to you, reaches out to you twice, and the only time you reach out is to say how he didn’t do something right and in a passive aggressive manner. Hey I invited her on this trip for 5 days (which if he wasn't interested he wouldn't have asked)I want to be exclusive, I reach out twice to her, then nothing from her, and then she says she's 'unsure' and kind of criticizes me? That would put a bad taste in my mouth. His actions say he is interested. Even if I just wanted to bang a chick I'm not going to be stuck with her for 4 days if I'm not really into her. It's not worth it.

The phone works BOTH ways. Yes, he could have said something to you in those 5 days but he contacted you TWICE and then YOU didn’t contact him at all. From his perspective he was reaching out and then you were the one detaching after pursuing you and wanting to be exclusive. Just as everyone else is saying “a man who is interested will make contact” he did and the same rules applies for us women. At two months it’s more than okay to initiate.

I don’t think he’s lost interest. Bad taste in his mouth, for sure, but based on everything that he’s said and done I don’t think he’s no longer interested.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Jul 13, 2016 3:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Confused and Blindsided. What happened?
Send him a titty pic that should fix it.

We as men generally have two emotions.

A. Horny.
B. Hungry.

If your not getting my dick hard, I'm hungry, make me a fucking sandwich.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Wed Jul 13, 2016 5:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Confused and Blindsided. What happened?
Quote:
Send him a titty pic that should fix it.

We as men generally have two emotions.

A. Horny.
B. Hungry.

If your not getting my dick hard, I'm hungry, make me a fucking sandwich.
Or an ass pic.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Wed Jul 13, 2016 5:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Confused and Blindsided. What happened?
Curious to see the text log. I am wondering if he may have misconstrued something as a rebuff and backed off all butt hurt.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Jul 13, 2016 5:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Confused and Blindsided. What happened?
Quote:
Quote:
Send him a titty pic that should fix it.

We as men generally have two emotions.

A. Horny.
B. Hungry.

If your not getting my dick hard, I'm hungry, make me a fucking sandwich.
Or an ass pic.
Both
Author:  dannmann1992 [ Wed Jul 13, 2016 5:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Confused and Blindsided. What happened?
Quote:
Curious to see the text log. I am wondering if he may have misconstrued something as a rebuff and backed off all butt hurt.
My bet is on that. Like I said, I'm inviting you to something and you criticize me for the way the communicate after I told how I communicated? Bad taste/butt hurt.
Author:  galist [ Wed Jul 13, 2016 5:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Confused and Blindsided. What happened?
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Send him a titty pic that should fix it.

We as men generally have two emotions.

A. Horny.
B. Hungry.

If your not getting my dick hard, I'm hungry, make me a fucking sandwich.
Or an ass pic.
Both

maybe he's not interested
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Jul 13, 2016 5:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Confused and Blindsided. What happened?
Quote:

maybe he's not interested
Ass and titties will figure that out, without all the words and junk being misconstrued.

It's hard to screw that up.
Author:  pumpington [ Wed Jul 13, 2016 5:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Confused and Blindsided. What happened?
Maybe he is married or already in another serious relationship he is not telling you about and the trip was possible before but he might have got found out or something. He might also just be depressed or have something else he hasn't told you about going on. It also could be that there was a communication break down that happened sometime between the two of you that you haven't expressed in your post and maybe holds more relevance from his point of view then from your own.
Author:  R.C [ Wed Jul 13, 2016 6:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Confused and Blindsided. What happened?
Quote:
I have to disagree.


So he pours his heart out to you, reaches out to you twice, and the only time you reach out is to say how he didn’t do something right and in a passive aggressive manner. Hey I invited her on this trip for 5 days (which if he wasn't interested he wouldn't have asked)I want to be exclusive, I reach out twice to her, then nothing from her, and then she says she's 'unsure' and kind of criticizes me? That would put a bad taste in my mouth. His actions say he is interested. Even if I just wanted to bang a chick I'm not going to be stuck with her for 4 days if I'm not really into her. It's not worth it.

The phone works BOTH ways. Yes, he could have said something to you in those 5 days but he contacted you TWICE and then YOU didn’t contact him at all. From his perspective he was reaching out and then you were the one detaching after pursuing you and wanting to be exclusive. Just as everyone else is saying “a man who is interested will make contact” he did and the same rules applies for us women. At two months it’s more than okay to initiate.

I don’t think he’s lost interest. Bad taste in his mouth, for sure, but based on everything that he’s said and done I don’t think he’s no longer interested.
That's a valid point. To a degree. "Pouring" your heart out is a bit of a stretch. Dude was drunk.
And I get that someone can be bad at conversation but seriously now. You invite someone, somewhere, you're a host. You keep them in the loop. Especially if they're your supposed girlfriend.
He may have contacted her twice but she says that on both occasions he ghosted on her leaving the conversation hanging.

If he is indeed butthurt, that's still on him. Those are not bad conversation skills those are abysmal conversation skills.
Author:  dannmann1992 [ Wed Jul 13, 2016 6:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Confused and Blindsided. What happened?
Quote:
Quote:
I have to disagree.


So he pours his heart out to you, reaches out to you twice, and the only time you reach out is to say how he didn’t do something right and in a passive aggressive manner. Hey I invited her on this trip for 5 days (which if he wasn't interested he wouldn't have asked)I want to be exclusive, I reach out twice to her, then nothing from her, and then she says she's 'unsure' and kind of criticizes me? That would put a bad taste in my mouth. His actions say he is interested. Even if I just wanted to bang a chick I'm not going to be stuck with her for 4 days if I'm not really into her. It's not worth it.

The phone works BOTH ways. Yes, he could have said something to you in those 5 days but he contacted you TWICE and then YOU didn’t contact him at all. From his perspective he was reaching out and then you were the one detaching after pursuing you and wanting to be exclusive. Just as everyone else is saying “a man who is interested will make contact” he did and the same rules applies for us women. At two months it’s more than okay to initiate.

I don’t think he’s lost interest. Bad taste in his mouth, for sure, but based on everything that he’s said and done I don’t think he’s no longer interested.
That's a valid point. To a degree. "Pouring" your heart out is a bit of a stretch. Dude was drunk.
And I get that someone can be bad at conversation but seriously now. You invite someone, somewhere, you're a host. You keep them in the loop. Especially if they're your supposed girlfriend.
He may have contacted her twice but she says that on both occasions he ghosted on her leaving the conversation hanging.

If he is indeed butthurt, that's still on him. Those are not bad conversation skills those are abysmal conversation skills.
Haha yea pouring his heart is a stretch but you know what I mean. Don't get me wrong, dude could've said something and probably should have but I can also see why he may not have. Plus, we have to keep in mind they're not officially bf/gf, not to say his behavior is right but that title hold a lot more weight than being exclusive. Plus, he told her before he went silent how he communicates and she didn't say anything aka okay so she's cool with it *gets green light to relax even more*

OP, I think that between what I think and what R.C. thinks this sounds like a case of simple miscommunication. He sucks at communicating and you suck at communicating your feelings. Then to make it worse all this was done via text-recipe for disaster. Heads up, when a man tells you something about his behavior that you may not like, if you don't speak up then and there we wont see a problem with and see no need to change it. Again, he could've said something but if he told this is how he communicates and you didn't say you had an issue with it until 5 days later ( he very could've been waiting for you to contact him) how is he supposed to know?

Let the dust settle and then try to talk face to face, if not on the phone and find some common ground how to communicate. You mentioned that you're not who needs to talk all day every day and he clearly can go longer without so I'm sure you can ask him to give just a little. Don't criticize him in the process again though.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Jul 13, 2016 6:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Confused and Blindsided. What happened?
Who thinks titties would help the situation? I think they ALWAYS help.
Author:  jebrooks1988 [ Wed Jul 13, 2016 6:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Confused and Blindsided. What happened?
Quote:
Curious to see the text log. I am wondering if he may have misconstrued something as a rebuff and backed off all butt hurt.
I said,

"Hey I'm unsure about this weekend. I know you said you're bad at communicating which you're right because it causes issues. Let me know if what's going on with this weekend".

Maybe I'm beating myself here but typing this out to you all, now looking at it, it's not horrible but I can potentially see how it wouldn't be perceived well, especially over text...
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