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How did I handle this flake?
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Author:  Dorian_G [ Thu Jul 07, 2016 12:23 pm ]
Post subject:  How did I handle this flake?
I had a great, fun conversation with a girl on Tinder (top 3, no doubt). I asked her out to play some pool and she seemed excited about it.

[3 hours before date]
Hi Dorian! I'm sorry but I have to cancle our plans for tonight. I forgot I promised to have dinner with my mother this evening.

Me: To bad, but mom come first. :) Tomorrow night?

Her: Yeah, she will guilt trip me for days othervise, haha. Tomorrow I'm supposed to meet my cousin, but I'll see if I can move that around!

Me: See if you can and get back to me. Or you'll loose on walkover.

Her: Shit! I don't want that! I'm not the one to back down from a challenge. I rarely win, but walkover is worse than loosing.

[today]
(I had a another date offer, so wanted to know if she was in or not)

Me: You can always send a replacement, your sister or a cute friend. The gane starts 6 pm tonight. If you don't show I'll drink your drink as well.

Her: Sorry, no friends are available! I can't make it. I'm world champion in double booking :/

Me: Well, then I suggest you set a date for a rematch. 1-0 for me :) wooohoo.


So should I have played this differently or was I dead on first flake?
Author:  R.C [ Thu Jul 07, 2016 12:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did I handle this flake?
Quote:
Me: Well, then I suggest you set a date for a rematch. 1-0 for me wooohoo.
Yeah, you should not have sent that text.
Author:  Dorian_G [ Thu Jul 07, 2016 1:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did I handle this flake?
Quote:
Quote:
Me: Well, then I suggest you set a date for a rematch. 1-0 for me wooohoo.
Yeah, you should not have sent that text.
Putting the ball in her corner? I just figured I tried twice. If she is serious in wanting to meet up she will suggest a date. If she's trying to veasel her way out of it from start, doesn't really matter?
Author:  GKS [ Thu Jul 07, 2016 1:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did I handle this flake?
Typically if a girl flakes, I wouldn't respond to her cancellation text.

1. If the reason is legit and she is interested, she knows she is at fault and will try to reschedule to make it up for you.

2. If the reason is bullshit, you dont have to waste your time dealing with craps that she thinks she would get away with.

If you noticed, she hasn't suggested any rescheduling. Not once. It was all you. Usually when a girl says "I'll think about it" or "I'll see", it's just a nice way of saying no but leaving their options opened just in case. If you fall for that shit, they are in power.

Usually if the girl plays nice, I'd make an exception and leave her a tease. Something like "Your loss. I'll eat all these delicious [insert food]". Or something the line. Then I just go off doing my backup plan and gaming other girls.
Author:  R.C [ Thu Jul 07, 2016 2:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did I handle this flake?
You did try twice. And she flaked twice.
Then you tried again by inviting her to take the lead. And she left it hanging because your invite was passive.

Anyway, if she were serious she would have offered a reschedule, out of her own initiative, just after informing you she can't make it anymore.

Who the hell passes a date with someone they're interested in in favor for "dinner with mom"? Who the hell has "dinner with mom" in the first place? I just find that excuse absurdly ridiculous.

There's a reason why in business, sales and otherwise dating people are encouraged to push for clear, concise answers. Yes or No.
Maybe, in 90% of cases simply translates to "I'm feeling pressured right now so I'll just say no later".
Quote:
Me: To bad, but mom come first. Tomorrow night?
Regardless of whether or not her mom excuse is genuine, you could've just asked her to choose a date that works for her.
"Too bad, but mom comes first. So when works for you?"
Anyway, she replied with
Quote:
Tomorrow I'm supposed to meet my cousin, but I'll see if I can move that around!
I'd just have said "Ok, nevermind then. Have fun with the family" at this point.
You let her get away with the vague answer though, so she flaked later.

And your last text was completely unnecessary because she wasted your time on two different occasions and yet you virtually told her you're willing to stick around for more.
Author:  Dorian_G [ Thu Jul 07, 2016 2:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did I handle this flake?
Excellent feedback GKS och R.C!

Will certainly keep this in mind for next time. Trial and error.

UPDATE - New reply from her:
"That feels like cheating! I think next week is better for me actually. I thought I never had any plans, but apparently I do."

Another vague answer (you called it!). Should I just don't reply, and see if she comes back with an actually suggestion for a day? Otherwise I'll just keep going around and around on this shit-swing.
Author:  Arch Stanton [ Thu Jul 07, 2016 6:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did I handle this flake?
You: "cool."
Author:  Dorian_G [ Thu Jul 07, 2016 7:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did I handle this flake?
Quote:
You: "cool."
Sent.
Author:  pumpington [ Sun Jul 10, 2016 12:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did I handle this flake?
Before you have big long tinder conversations, get them to take a picture for you. Make the picture of them holding a spoon, or with a shoe on their head or something, so you know they are real people and not catfish accounts.

If that has been covered, if a girl flakes on a meetup, consider first what you invited her to. If it is an unappealing place for her, either boring or unsafe, reconsider for a better place. Try to poke around for things she would be interested in by commenting about things you'd like to do to see if she responds positively to those things.

If you've found something that you believe would be appealing for her and she still flakes, just move on and stop trying, let her take some initiative if it's that important it will happen.
Author:  Dorian_G [ Wed Jul 13, 2016 5:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did I handle this flake?
Quote:
If you've found something that you believe would be appealing for her and she still flakes, just move on and stop trying, let her take some initiative if it's that important it will happen.
I always do, and they usually seem excited. Then still flake.

I got another unclear answer, from another girl, when I asked her out.

"Perhaps, I have some things planned next week. Maybe we can talk this weekend and see if we can find a day next week."

This is basically a no? or?

Should I just "Cool." and see if she gets back to me? Feels like 99% chance she won't. Or should I try text her on Sunday with a suggestion for a day next week?
Author:  n2thevoid [ Wed Jul 13, 2016 5:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did I handle this flake?
Girls are proverbial fence sitters in the beginning hence flakes being super common.

Calling her out on it in a punitive manner will likely polarize her to the negative, and decidedly push her away.

Communicating your boundaries, however can spike attraction, and it can also serve as a way of qualifying-out women who are time-waisters. So. How do you do this? 1) playfully inform her your time is important and you aren't fucking around, 2) show her with your actions that you've got other things going on - in other words indifference to her flake, but also not rewarding her with attention after
Author:  pumpington [ Wed Jul 13, 2016 5:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did I handle this flake?
Quote:
I always do, and they usually seem excited. Then still flake.

I got another unclear answer, from another girl, when I asked her out.

"Perhaps, I have some things planned next week. Maybe we can talk this weekend and see if we can find a day next week."

This is basically a no? or?
Yeah, that is a bad sign.
Quote:
Should I just "Cool." and see if she gets back to me? Feels like 99% chance she won't. Or should I try text her on Sunday with a suggestion for a day next week?
This would fall under the ball in her court sort of situation, you can direct her as to what to do, for example,

Sounds good, call me next week and we can plan something fun to do.

Then pretend she doesn't exist, expect her to not call you next week, and start swiping right for someone else. If she calls you, plan something, if not, oh well just do better next time.
Author:  Dorian_G [ Wed Jul 13, 2016 5:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How did I handle this flake?
Quote:
Sounds good, call me next week and we can plan something fun to do.
Awesome advice!
Quote:
1) playfully inform her your time is important and you aren't fucking around,
Mind to give me an example on how you mean?
Author:  Rolski [ Thu Jul 14, 2016 1:28 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How did I handle this flake?
It comes down to the individual girl with flaking. It's a very subjective thing and it depends if they're genuinely interested not not.

If they are interested in you. They wouldve made the effort to arrange other plans with you. They will also do this if their reason is genuine and not bullshit.


Its pretty easy to tell the bullshit reasons from the real ones.

If she has canceled on you 4+ times, this is usually when I call it quits and give up on the girl.

Honestly. It's up to you man. I'd give her a few other chances and if she flakes those just give up.

Also try to see if she's interested and making an effort as well.

Good luck

~Rolski
Author:  galist [ Thu Jul 14, 2016 2:28 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How did I handle this flake?
Quote:
It comes down to the individual girl with flaking. It's a very subjective thing and it depends if they're genuinely interested not not.

If they are interested in you. They wouldve made the effort to arrange other plans with you. They will also do this if their reason is genuine and not bullshit.


Its pretty easy to tell the bullshit reasons from the real ones.

If she has canceled on you 4+ times, this is usually when I call it quits and give up on the girl.

Honestly. It's up to you man. I'd give her a few other chances and if she flakes those just give up.

Also try to see if she's interested and making an effort as well.

Good luck

~Rolski
some of these women are just bored and want free attention via call / text
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