are you on friendly terms with an ex?, or do you avoid them at all costs?

I ask because I'll never understand one of my exes. We broke up because I was moving. Then he was coming to my town for something, so I thought we could grab coffee and catch up. we lived in cities across the country, so I didn't have any other expectations. But he basically ignored the gesture. i added him on linkedin and he has ignored the request. i am "friends" (?) with other guys i've dated on linkedin except for him. It sort of bothers me because I wonder if he hates my guts - if he does, I'd like to know why! I never did anything bad to him, (that i know of!).

The other thing is that he kinda turned into a jerk after we decided to break up - he went from nice guy to being very criticizing and condescending overnight. Made me wonder if he felt that way the entire time and just never said anything until after we were no longer a couple.

anyways, what do you guys think happened? do you think he thinks I wanted to get back together when i suggested we hang out when he was in my city?

thing is it was clear we were not going to do long distance, so if he did think that, he does not give me enough credit. but I also wonder if he thinks I am a mean bi0tch. He once called his pal's wife "mean" for getting mad at the friend for going to the Twisted Kilt. I am sure he felt i was "mean" too when I called him out on his behavior. Does he hate me now because I was "mean" to him? and he won't even be my linkedin friend??? or is he simply indifferent and uninterested (it's ok, I won't be offended if you say that!) anyways, we have a mutual friend, and its just awkward when she mentions him and I'm thinking, oh yeah that guy who hates me and won't speak to me...AWKWARD.

He once called his pal's wife "mean" for getting mad at the friend for going to the Twisted Kilt.

Funny - Interesting how this mysterious lack of pursuit, has set a curious fire in you loins...

So if he did come around would you do a ONS?
Immature fits better than mean.

to me, I separate the sex once we're out of a relationship

You have to accept commentary if you're putting your story out there, otherwise you should just merely ask a question.

I find this hard to believe with any female

As for me, i cut contact. She phoned me a few weeks ago after around 5 months lf seperation. We talked for about 10 mins and i've ignored her calls since

Generally speaking though, it depends how much drama they bring and if they're worth being around. Usually they're so hung up in emotions it's best to cut contact most of the time

OP, this thread is silly, no offense. You gave no important details.

All you really say is you moved away so you guys broke up.


Details as to the relationship, and how the break up went down would be needed

For eg,

Who broke up with who? You couldve had to guy in love with you to spring on him that you're moving next week. You guys could have been arguing for weeks about stupid shit, so when you were about to move he was already checked out. I cant write much now, but my pt is, there are so many things that could tell you why he is distancing himself. Maybe he has a gf now and doesnt want to complicate his relationship.

My best guess is, if someone is avoiding you, its for a good reason. Most likely you handled the break up incorrectly.

oh ok, no problem, I am happy to provide more details.

1. he dumped me, saying he cannot handle a long distance relationship, and he cried really hard in public while doing it, and said he'd be afraid i'd like meet someone else or whatever, even though he knew i wasn't the cheating kind. he said he was getting too attached, so that's why he had to end it at that point. (btw i was upfront with moving - i believe i told him the first time i met him, and it was something discussed more than once throughout dating). afterwards i did find out that he lied pretty blatantly about something (essentially he went out of his way to tell me, not that i had asked, that he does not talk to his ex girlfriend and she cheated and all this stuff.. turns out they were in contact the entire time) and I questioned him about it, and called him out, saying if he claims he wasn't that's a blatant lie. (that is the thing i wonder if he thinks I was "mean" about). Prior to finding that out tough, we hung out like one time or two times (but post-breakup) and he was like a backseat driver all of a sudden criticizing my driving, like all of a sudden. It was actually one of those hang outs that lead me to discover he was talking with the gf the whole time. Of course, having been broken up with him by that point, i recognize that me saying ANYTHING was like, sort of fruitless, but i value integrity and i don't like being lied to so i couldn't help myself.
But anyways, even before that happened when he was being a critical backseat driver, I sort of felt like, he couldn't stand me and i was just annoying to him, so that made me feel bad. He like turned so condescending and patronizing, I didn't understand it. Even though he bawled like a baby and was saying all this stuff about how we totally get each other and we're like the "same person," and staring at me when i was sleeping. and he also had insisted on wanting to come to my going away party, but was a no-show. didn't even say goodbye!

2. I dont recall any arguments -other than the post-break up thing I mentioned above. A week before the dumping, he said we are "like the same person" or something like that - i cannot remember. so I was under the impression things were going well. I enjoyed spending time with him. He seemed nice, and i felt comfortable with him. However he did snap at me once for asking him a question while we were watching a movie, around then too- which raised a red flag for me. there were a few other things he did that i did not care for, but I am a pretty open minded person, and I never let myself get too attached, knowing i would be moving.

3. he didnt have a girlfriend when i invited him to get coffee while he was in my city. and i also gave him my condolences when some friend of his passed away and he didn't respond to that either, not even to say thanks.

so now when I speak to friends who are still friends with him and they bring him up and start talking about him i am so awkward about it because I don't know what I am supposed to say. one friend just said like one time she mentioned me and apparently he got all quiet and awkward.

So like I said I live across the country from him and it would be nice to have a contact where he is now - and it'd be nice to be on friendly terms. Perhaps i was too "mean" and "harsh" with my words when i called him out but i did apologize to him afterwards.

This is not the first guy i feel like i've like made hate me .... so i guess you can say it's something i REALLY want to get to the bottom of and stop whatever it is i am doing that is causing this. there was another guy i actually liked, who i told i liked, but he said he did not want a relationship. so i basically cried and cried. Then the next time i saw him he came right over all friendly and i more or less gave him the cold shoulder - then i found out that HE got all upset and hurt by that and he hated me there on out too.

PS i would love to ask mutual friends like, did he ever tell them what happened and so forth, but i have always been afraid that is not appropriate or that i wouldn't get an answer anyways, other than a polite non-answer.

So basically, a guy cried when you broke up and you're wondering why he doesnt want to see you or talk? Do you not understand how him being hurt would make him NOT want to see you?

Also, this guy talked to you in a rude manner on your last hangouts and lied to you during your relationship. Consider yourself lucky that you moved. I dont know why you would waste time maintaining a friendship with an ex like this.

Dont waste your mental energy on people who lie to you and bring negativity. Even regardless of the backstory, I'll say some people in life are gonna like you and be cool with you, some will hate you. All you can do is not waste your time on those who dont like you.

I just meant i wouldn't plan to have sex with him.....

Looks like MieleGirl was less interested in knowing about our relationship with our exes than asking us about what this guy, toward whom she has neither romantic nor sexual interest, thinks.

No, that's not true. I just don't use this website very often. I'm very busy. I am interested. I don't see very many responses though so why not ask some questions relevant to me? did you answer the question? (can't check until i hit "submit" on this message.

Um, you didn't even answer the question, so what are you complaining about?