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No Friends - Does it matter?
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Author:  rest02 [ Wed Apr 06, 2016 3:58 pm ]
Post subject:  No Friends - Does it matter?
Without putting up a long story about my childhood. I'll make it short. I was raised by mentally ill parents who frequently abused me. One thing they liked to do was lock me in my room and never let me have friends. So I ended up never having a single friend in my entire life. Since high school, I've entered the workforce, work with guys mostly in their 40s and up. We are cool with each other but they are not really the right friends for someone in their early 20s. So I still don't have any.

Having no friends is very un-natural for someone in america these days. I feel fine picking up women but I don't know what to do should the topic of friends arise. From what I can tell, women would be scared and suspicious by the fact that I don't have any. Is this true? Or is having no friends irrelevant in this matter?
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Apr 06, 2016 4:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: No Friends - Does it matter?
Quote:
Without putting up a long story about my childhood. I'll make it short. I was raised by mentally ill parents who frequently abused me. One thing they liked to do was lock me in my room and never let me have friends. So I ended up never having a single friend in my entire life. Since high school, I've entered the workforce, work with guys mostly in their 40s and up. We are cool with each other but they are not really the right friends for someone in their early 20s. So I still don't have any.

Having no friends is very un-natural for someone in america these days. I feel fine picking up women but I don't know what to do should the topic of friends arise. From what I can tell, women would be scared and suspicious by the fact that I don't have any. Is this true? Or is having no friends irrelevant in this matter?
You seem to be well rounded and grounded, despite your misfortunes. And I don't feel you are playing the blame game here. Bra-fucking-vo!

Having friends is still relevant however, but not to the point of blocking you in any way. If you are comfortable in your own skin. you are a step ahead of a lot of guys that are stuck in a never ending loop of fear of women. Even if they do have a social circle.

Sometimes it's even a hindrance, if your friend are not like minded. they'll hold you back.

Continue in your pursuits. Join a gym, and find like minded people to workout with. Win, win.
Author:  Jay (Majik) [ Wed Apr 06, 2016 8:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: No Friends - Does it matter?
You probably have no friends cause you have no hobbies. You need to go and find some shit you're interested in.

My suggestion to you, based on what very little I know about you based on your post, don't be afraid to try new things where you might "hurt yourself." Your parents sound a lot like mine were. Very controlling. And if I ever did anything where I hurt myself (physically or socially) then I would be punished for it.

Mommy and daddy can't do shit anymore. They can't yell at you for fucking up. Go take a boxing class and get your face smashed in. Go learn how to ride a motorcycle knowing that you might fucking die riding that thing. Go travel to a foriegn country and stay on a farm instead of a hotel. Start a business that might fail. Write a book that might not sell a single copy.

Take some risks.

Make yourself an interesting person is basically what I'm getting at. Stop being such a square/Momma's boy and you'll be surprised how many cool guys REALLY wanna be your friend all the sudden. You become a "bad boy" by being a little bad... You become more of a bad boy as you push the envelope.
Author:  R.C [ Thu Apr 07, 2016 6:31 am ]
Post subject:  Re: No Friends - Does it matter?
Making friends happens in 3 ways:

Environment, which can be work, school, or roommates. You workplace isn't really adequate since the guys are over 40.

Hobbies, which you should get. Gym is great, kickboxing is also great, dance classes if that's what you're into. Try out different things, see what you like.

Networking. Friends of friends.

Heywood's right, you seem to be better calibrated than half the guys here. But having friends is important. You can't be spending all your time with one woman. You need a life outside of your would-be relationship.
Author:  rest02 [ Fri Apr 08, 2016 6:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: No Friends - Does it matter?
:) Already in the gym. But not many people to make friends with, I go in at mid-day, it's usually empty.

Anyway, a bit more about myself to make this topic clearer.

Magikal, I'm not put off by taking risks. For example when I was 18 on occasion I would hang out with a neo nazi click. Some were bikers as well. Many were felons. All we did was drink and beat up people in dive bars. I ought to have a picture somewhere, of me sitting in the ER with my head bleeding, lol. On one occasion I made the entire left side of someone's face black, knocked out 2 teeth, and gave them a concussion. So I've had my share of "trouble".

However I don't seek trouble anymore. I'm 23 now and I don't feel the urge to do that type of thing. The best way I can describe it - it's just not fun anymore. I feel like I grew up and grew out of it. I'm more interested in living a dignified, productive, mature life.

Drinking for instance, at 18 I would jump for joy at the mention of liquor. Once I got to 21 - about as exciting as watching cartoons.

These "bad boys" don't scare me so much as they digust me. They are clowns by nature. They have no intelligence. Listen to retarded modern music, techno garbage. They perform stupid grinding dances in clubs. They are foolish sports fans. At work they always slack off. Unproductive human beings who live their lives focused solely on fun instead of improving society, even in a small way. They are subhumans. The only thing I have in common with "bad boys" is a desire for hot women.

Perhaps, my upbringing played a part in it. It didn't make me afraid to take risks or get out of my comfort zone. But rather, I spent over a decade sitting around the house doing nothing - therefore that came to be my favorite activity. I like peace and quiet. My idea of spending time with a woman would involve something like going to the beach, taking a walk, watching movies in the living room. Instead of loud clubs and such. Am I wrong for this?

Having no friends - I felt sad about it for a long time. When I was younger I really wanted to have friends, but didn't know how, since the isolation made me incredibly awkward. I didn't even know how to socialize. Now, I have become so used to it, that I'm not even concerned. I don't feel motivated to get any. I don't feel like I need any.

Hobbies - Since i was never allowed to participate in anything, I ended up being interested in literally nothing. I feel the same way today. Which means I will have to cultivate totally new hobbies from the ground up. Not quite sure where to start. Also not feeling very motivated, due to having naturally adapted to emptiness.
Author:  R.C [ Fri Apr 08, 2016 8:40 am ]
Post subject:  Re: No Friends - Does it matter?
Quote:
Perhaps, my upbringing played a part in it. It didn't make me afraid to take risks or get out of my comfort zone. But rather, I spent over a decade sitting around the house doing nothing - therefore that came to be my favorite activity. I like peace and quiet. My idea of spending time with a woman would involve something like going to the beach, taking a walk, watching movies in the living room. Instead of loud clubs and such. Am I wrong for this?
You're not wrong for that, different people enjoy different things.

However humans by nature are social beings. Your upbringing may have fucked you up a bit but it can't change your nature. You need friends and you need hobbies, otherwise your only source of "happiness" would come from this would be woman that's by your side, and it won't be long until she gets suffocated.
Author:  Mikip2016 [ Fri Apr 08, 2016 12:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: No Friends - Does it matter?
I'm in the same boat SPAM but i have had friends in the past its just that i don't talk to them as they are in jail or junkies now. The good thing is your not letting that get to you to much. I have always gone out by myself and and still pick up i think its just because i don't care what anyone thinks. I don't understand people that think its weird to go our alone it takes balls and confidence so your ahead of a lot of guys. My trick is just talk to everyone about anything and nobody really knows your out by yourself. I do sometimes wish i had a friend for a wing man but then again if i go out with someone from the gym or whatever i feel like i cant do what i want. But yeah i'm not sure what to say when the topic of friends arises either. If your just picking up a girl for the night it doesn't matter but for dating i still don't know what to do. I have people that i talk to but haven't got alone with anyone to the point of being buddy's yet.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Fri Apr 08, 2016 1:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: No Friends - Does it matter?
Quote:
My idea of spending time with a woman would involve something like going to the beach, taking a walk, watching movies in the living room. Instead of loud clubs and such. Am I wrong for this?
No, especially if it's on the regular.

As far as friends. I have a vast social circle. but count true friends on just a few fingers of one hand. The kind of friends that would help you hide a body.
Author:  Arch Stanton [ Sat Apr 09, 2016 3:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: No Friends - Does it matter?
Does the grizzly bear or great white shark worry about friends? They just do their thing, and females follow.
Author:  R.C [ Sat Apr 09, 2016 10:57 am ]
Post subject:  Re: No Friends - Does it matter?
Quote:
Does the grizzly bear or great white shark worry about friends? They just do their thing, and females follow.
That's just such a delusional way of going about life..
Author:  Versalis [ Sat Apr 09, 2016 3:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: No Friends - Does it matter?
I'm not actually sure how this topic would come up. I've never had a girl ask me something like, "Hey, do you have any friends?". As you said, most people have them. It's assumed. I think the only way she'd discover this is if you said "I don't have any friends!".

Having friends is a good thing, but lacking them wouldn't stop a woman from sleeping with you. I almost never bring girls around my friends.
Author:  irquas [ Sun Apr 10, 2016 1:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: No Friends - Does it matter?
I was in a bit similar position like you in the sense of not having many regular friends to hang out with and not really feeling motivating to get any - not because of parents, but because since about 15 I was pretty much 100% career/work focused, which worked well career-wise, but at about 24 I realized my life felt kind of empty.

I can't guarantee you anything, but I am guessing at some point, as you reflect, you'll realize you're not happy and the reason you're not happy is maybe that you don't have a girl, but then over time you'll realize even bigger reason is you feel lonely - no amount of anything, girls, money, whatever, will change that.

So I recommend you to try out social hobbies even if you don't feel like it right now. Just try out things like dancing, another language or hiking/rowing/other sports clubs. They will regular accept & train beginners. Do it and if you don't like it after 2-5 sessions, try something else. But you will find something you like.
Author:  Arch Stanton [ Fri Apr 15, 2016 9:21 am ]
Post subject:  Re: No Friends - Does it matter?
Quote:
Quote:
Does the grizzly bear or great white shark worry about friends? They just do their thing, and females follow.
That's just such a delusional way of going about life..

It depends on if you want to chase your dreams or if you need to be part of the frat. I prefer to chase my goals and women, and retreat to my mountain cabin with the loot and a hot brunette.

The rest is just in the way.
Author:  rest02 [ Tue Apr 19, 2016 3:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: No Friends - Does it matter?
Should I look for hobbies that are interesting to women as well? Or strictly for my own pleasure? Because I read other postings on here that imply women like to be with a man who has an INTERESTING life. For example stamp collecting conventions are boring to them. Whereas riding on the back of a Harley may be better.

I think I'm right when I sense that molding myself around what they'd enjoy is a form of supplication...However I can't drop to the level of 40 Year Old Virgin when he painted model soldiers. Perhaps a balance of some sort is the solution? What do you guys think?
Author:  R.C [ Tue Apr 19, 2016 11:40 am ]
Post subject:  Re: No Friends - Does it matter?
Quote:
I think I'm right when I sense that molding myself around what they'd enjoy is a form of supplication...
That would be correct.

Do what you enjoy man. You don't have hobbies so you can brag to other people about what your hobbies are. You have hobbies because you enjoy doing them and they bring spark to your life.
Collecting stamps isn't a hobby imo, it's a habit. Hobby implies doing something pro-actively. Like gym, skydiving, kickboxing, video games, poker, playing a sport, riding a bike, cooking, dancing, etc. Something that actually engages you intellectually, physically or both.
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