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| I keep getting into arguments as a leader https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=195492 |
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| Author: | Radioh3ad [ Tue Mar 08, 2016 8:13 am ] |
| Post subject: | I keep getting into arguments as a leader |
So, I'm leading an art project and at times the people that are close to me challenge everything I say, try to make their way seem superior when in fact, they do nothing and the only success we've gotten is because of me. I feel out of place using that as my ace in the hole and saying that every so often... however my hardworking goes unappreciated and unnoticed. I'm looked at as someone that doesn't know what he's doing. When in fact I'm very smart and don't give up. Yet, it makes the position so much more harder with the people I work with. One is a relative of mine and in an argument cursed me out, I've had my share of fighting a lot and reacting to everything they say so I just relaxed, I have no idea how to punish that type of behavior. How do I fix this? You guys are amazing. Thanks! |
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| Author: | R.C [ Tue Mar 08, 2016 9:10 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I keep getting into arguments as a leader |
Attachment: leader.png [ 137.88 KiB | Viewed 1403 times ] |
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| Author: | Monsignor Crisanto [ Tue Mar 08, 2016 4:35 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I keep getting into arguments as a leader |
If you're arguing a lot, then you're NOT leading. You're only arguing. A good leader knows how to harness the talents of several people to cooperate and collaborate toward a goal. If you're the only one who's working towards that goal, then you're not leading at all. |
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| Author: | neo87 [ Tue Mar 08, 2016 5:47 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I keep getting into arguments as a leader |
"punish their behavior"? Yeah odds are your not a good leader. And if your work was what has been successful the group would be clinging to your suggestions. Be honest with yourself and describe the situation fully. |
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| Author: | n2thevoid [ Tue Mar 08, 2016 6:15 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I keep getting into arguments as a leader |
Quote: So, I'm leading an art project and at times the people that are close to me challenge everything I say, try to make their way seem superior when in fact, they do nothing and the only success we've gotten is because of me.
I feel out of place using that as my ace in the hole and saying that every so often... however my hardworking goes unappreciated and unnoticed. I'm looked at as someone that doesn't know what he's doing. When in fact I'm very smart and don't give up. Yet, it makes the position so much more harder with the people I work with. One is a relative of mine and in an argument cursed me out, I've had my share of fighting a lot and reacting to everything they say so I just relaxed, I have no idea how to punish that type of behavior. How do I fix this? You guys are amazing. Thanks! So what I m hearing is you're feeling a great deal of frustration because your need to be recognized for your efforts (appreciation), cooperation, and respect aren't being met. As a solution I am suggesting you watch Dr. Marshall Rosenberg's pioneering form of compassionate communication, he calls Non-Violent Communication. It is life-changing, and will dramatically alter your interactions with people. He was a master negotiator/mediator in helping governments come to peaceful resolutions with terrorist groups, schools arbitration, and more generally helping people connecting to what's alive in them, and others, in order to have needs met, rather than through force/violence. Watch all 8 hours, and more importantly LIVE IT, if you truly want to make any lasting change (someone should make this a sticky). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-129JLTjkQ Guaranteed you won't feel criticized or judged by another person for the rest of your life. Thank me later. |
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| Author: | Radioh3ad [ Wed Mar 09, 2016 7:46 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I keep getting into arguments as a leader |
To answer everyone's post... I'll try to be more clear neo. It's not something I can sumarize into a small sentence. I'm not being respected and yes, my efforts and guidance I'd what has gotten us here so far. I've tried may different routes. Like, refraining from anger - (which I'm doing now, I discovered the right way is to not take things so serious and just be non-reactive) and talking in a peaceful way. They all recognize me as the leader, it's just sometimes I'm not respected or get the credit I should. I always think it's me. I'm not tall, my voice can get horse, I'm a little over weight. Maybe people don't take me serious. But my mind is very sharp and I earn things very quickly and don't give up. I'm just going to try and communicate better, take responsibility. One person, just is ignorant and overly emotional and I think it's cause he has a lot of stuff messed up in his personal life. R.C. I'd say the guys see me as more of a boss, like the serious guy. Yet, I can be both and be the latter. I understand what your post means, I'm in the trenches quite a lot, I'm a good leader, I don't mind getting my hands dirty. I literally do all the work, sometimes it's just not acknowledged and I can't do anything about it. N2 Thanks so much for your post I will definitely watch it ASAP! |
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| Author: | R.C [ Wed Mar 09, 2016 8:38 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I keep getting into arguments as a leader |
I feel you missed the point. It's not about getting into the trenches. Being a leader means being the tip of the spear. It means leading by example, not by authority. Being the first to face the challenge. It also means having colleagues, not subordinates. The way you write makes it a bit obvious you view your people as subordinates. You're trying to demand respect, instead of commanding it. |
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| Author: | Eddie Fews [ Wed Mar 09, 2016 1:09 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I keep getting into arguments as a leader |
If you keep getting into arguments as a leader then A. You're not the leader. B. They don't respect you as the leader. You're looking "down" on everyone else. Thats not a leader. A leaders job is to make everyone around him greater than himself. You can't do that if you're looking down on them, you'll be subconsciously keeping them underneath you. And they'll never respect you for that. The leader isn't always the guy trying the hardest, or doing the most work ( It can be), its tend to be the guy with the right attitude. |
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| Author: | Jay (Majik) [ Thu Mar 10, 2016 4:56 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I keep getting into arguments as a leader |
Quote: they do nothing and the only success we've gotten is because of me.
If they aren't doing anything and you're doing all the work, you're a pretty shitty leader. The fact that you even make a comment like this shows you're a shitty leader. Maybe that's why people are arguing with you?If you actually were a leader, you'd be open to other people suggestions and figure out how to implement them. |
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| Author: | oceanx [ Fri Mar 11, 2016 6:48 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: I keep getting into arguments as a leader |
Quote: If they aren't doing anything and you're doing all the work
This is a tremendous warning sign.
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