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| Friends with benefits - need insight https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=194860 |
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| Author: | Cross De Lena [ Fri Jan 29, 2016 10:22 am ] |
| Post subject: | Friends with benefits - need insight |
Hey, how do you maintain "friends with benefits" frame? I'm seeing this chick on college for a while now, we are hanging most of time during the day because our classes match and she always sits near me. We eat lunch and dinner together (we are both coming from some place else, and study together in another town hence we do these things together). She's in a student home, and I'm renting a place on my own. She's likes to party a lot, since she's in a student home she often visits other guys or girls rooms (never alone, with her sister or girlfriends) and they drink and have fun till 5 am. Since I have a place on my own, I feel kind of a left out, the amount of people I meet and hang out is significantly less. Recently I recognized that problem, my inner circle of friends is her and few other people. So I started to socialize with guys from college that I rarely go out with and they seem to accept me, inviting me to their parties and so on. Back to "problem", I sense this girl is developing feelings, when I go home (my home town) she sends short texts saying she feels weird without me and misses me. When I invite her over, or tell her I need some sort of help help in college or whatever I ask, she compiles with no questions asked. We had a short convo about our relationship (emmm.... About a month ago) where we agreed on our status, but lately her actions are telling me that maybe she wants to step up the relationship. But honestly, it's okay for her to party and get drunk when we are not in relationship but I don't think I would like that if we were. Any insight would be helpful. Tanks. |
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| Author: | JackZero [ Fri Jan 29, 2016 10:34 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Friends with benefits - need insight |
If you want her to be a FWB, you continue to treat her like one. It's that simple. If you think she wants more, let her bring it up...don't start asking questions. When she does start asking questions, just tell her that you like what you guys have right now and it works for you. |
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| Author: | oceanx [ Fri Jan 29, 2016 11:15 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Friends with benefits - need insight |
It sounds like yall are hanging out nearly 7 days per week. That is a bf/gf relationship if there ever was one. Either find other things to do during these times or admit the obvious. Any girl you spend quality time with more than a couple of times per week in a sex location or not is a de facto girlfriend. |
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| Author: | Cross De Lena [ Fri Jan 29, 2016 11:37 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Friends with benefits - need insight |
Quote: If you want her to be a FWB, you continue to treat her like one. It's that simple. If you think she wants more, let her bring it up...don't start asking questions. When she does start asking questions, just tell her that you like what you guys have right now and it works for you.
I once said to her that I like it the way it is now, but I'm always open minded. TBH, I don't like her partying like crazy. Actually it would be okay with parties and hanging out, but I'm not in student home and can't always participate in them, she always invites me to these parties, but I feel like I'm overextending and reaching to much into her social circle. Don't want to look like a guy who follows her around on every corner and intrudes.Quote: It sounds like yall are hanging out nearly 7 days per week. That is a bf/gf relationship if there ever was one. Either find other things to do during these times or admit the obvious. Any girl you spend quality time with more than a couple of times per week in a sex location or not is a de facto girlfriend.
What you said is almost true about 7 days per week. What about texting? Both me and her text short but concise messages with a lot of teasing and fooling around. I study and hang out much so I text her every few hours when I get the chance. EDIT: dont know if this is important, but I'm avoid messages like "how's going" "what you doing"... etc. We talk mostly about irrelevant things (teasing each other) or college and stuff like that. |
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| Author: | oceanx [ Fri Jan 29, 2016 11:43 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Friends with benefits - need insight |
Quote: What you said is almost true about 7 days per week.
Explicit confirmational verbal tags between the two of you notwithstanding she's your g/f unless and until you ramp things down.
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| Author: | imre [ Fri Jan 29, 2016 11:33 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Friends with benefits - need insight |
99% of your fuck buddies will start having feelings for you. Believe me - every girl did this so far with me, and I hear this from everywhere too. Usually I see this after about 5 dates or 2 weeks that the girl started to like me a lot. Even if I tell the girl from the beginning that I don't wanna have a relationship, or ask her not to grow feelings for me, or tell her that I cheated on most of my girlfriends, or reveal her that I date other girls too right now, etc. Nothing helps. It helps a bit, if you try not to talk with her, not even on Facebook or so. Especially not about personal topics (just sex). Oh, and don't trust her when she tells you she doesn't have feelings for you. She does. |
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| Author: | Karlb [ Sat Jan 30, 2016 2:36 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Friends with benefits - need insight |
It sounds like you wouldn't want her to drink in the dorms until the early AM hours if you are dating her. Since you are wondering if it would change if she was dating you ask her if she does anything different when she's dating someone. If she wants you to elaborate or doesn't address your concern (if you want to call it that) ask her if she parties the same or less when she's dating somebody. Just know that if you begin hooking up with her, chances are she will want to date you. Most women get emotionally invested with a guy if they're having sex on a regular basis. One girl said it best when she told me, "If the sex goes on for long enough one person always wants it more." She was referring to one person wanting a relationship. I find this to be true. If a guy is sleeping with a woman for a long enough time she'll wonder why he won't commit and will want to show him she has more to offer him than just her body. |
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| Author: | 199Flags [ Sun Jan 31, 2016 6:12 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Friends with benefits - need insight |
by questioning your own boundaries you are letting her in. The decision isn't up to her in a scenario like this. Do what you feel. |
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