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How Can I Overcome This Fear?
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Author:  Hopeless Romantic [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 8:56 pm ]
Post subject:  How Can I Overcome This Fear?
Alright, so I've been reading about all the pick-up artist stuff for a while now. :) Many times I get really into it and want to start trying out a bunch of the stuff that I read about. :D

However, I have one big thing that stops me. Sometimes when I get nervous I stutter, and then I feel awkward because I can't speak. If I opened a set, and stuttered, and then someone made a joke about it, I would get really embarassed/quiet and eject myself as soon as I could.

This has been a sticking point for me my whole life. I'm not as social as I would like to be, I don't voice my opnion in class because of it. Sometimes I find great openers I would love to use, but then I think about the AA that I would have and figure out which words I would end up stuttering on. ((I know this is a bad thing because I'm already telling myself I'm going to stutter. I've learned that if I expect myself to stutter then I will, but if I give myself positive reinforcement before hand I do a lot better)).

Anyway, is there anyone out there who could give me some good advice about just not caring about this anymore. Is there anyone out there who used to have this problem, but now doesn't because their time spent in this community.
Author:  Hopeless Romantic [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 9:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
I was just thinking about what I just posted and I was wondering if there was anyway I could make it so that I look like the AMOG? One point when I'm trying to be social and I get caught is when people ask my name. I sometimes stutter, and then they always say "What, did you forget your name?" This really gets me angry that they are impatient, and embarrased at the same time.
Author:  JChapman [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 10:03 pm ]
Post subject: 
Try taking a speech class if you're in college or try seeing a speech therapist. This is really specific since you say you stutter only when you get nervous, so I'm not sure how helpful those options might be, but if you see someone that's experienced with speaking problems, they might be able to point you in the right direction.

Under it all though, your problem isn't speech, it's inner game. If you don't have the option to work on your speech while being nervous, try looking for ways to calm your nerves.
Author:  yokezg63 [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 10:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
I hate to say it, but the only way you're ever going to overcome your social anxiety is if you go out there and talk. Many of us are in the same boat as you, so you shouldn't feel down about it. Just accept it as an obstacle that needs to be conquered.

When you're going about your day, take the opportunity to talk to strangers. You can sharpen up your conversational skills, and also practice expressing yourself better.

And when you find yourself stuttering, just plow through. I used to have a nervous stutter. I'd just slow down, collect my thoughts, and start talking again. If anyone comments about it, just laugh it off. Don't get worked up over it. A person who is truly comfortable with himself doesn't let things like that get to him. People tease all the time, and many don't realize that they said something offensive. Just give them the benefit of the doubt, and act like it was nothing. Most of the time, it really wasn't meant to be taken seriously.

Next time you speak with a stranger, try slowing down your speech a bit. Stuttering usually happens because you trip over your words. Give yourself some time to really collect your thoughts and bring yourself under control.

Next time you're compelled to speak, just say it. Don't let your mind talk you out of it. You're depriving the world of your humor and personality, man.
Author:  MichaelAngelo [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 10:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
If your stuttering is a chronic condition, I would suggest getting a professional to help you with that.

Other than that, it's important to realize that what you're going to say is important. Don't think that what you say has no point, you're making your own point and it should be important to you and, therefore, your audience.

If you think about it in terms of current and goal states, whatever you say should move you towards your goal state (number) from your current position (desiring number). Both what you say and what you leave out counts. Inaction is action.

This mentality should increase your confidence. If you REALLY want to be an alpha male, decide what you WANT and GO FOR IT (this doesn't mean forcefully, strategy is key). Pull some triggers and make your statements count.

--MichaelAngelo
Author:  newman301 [ Wed Mar 26, 2008 1:19 pm ]
Post subject: 
The only real solution for overcoming the fear is practice. There's simply no other way. I'm still new to this stuff, and I'm always nervous when approaching, escalating, dating, etc... But, I've been forcing myself to do it.

You just have to say to yourself: "Fuck it, you only live once".

Besides, I'm sure that you feel much better about yourself after trying rather then after pussing out. Don't you?
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