PUA Forum :: Girlfriend Asked To Borrow Money

Anyway, the other day she asked me if she could borrow $25 and said that she would pay me back by next week at the latest. However, when I asked her what she needed the $25 for, she wouldn't tell me and just said that it doesn't matter. Now she's saying, "Look at everything I do for you," (admittedly, she does a lot for me without me even having to ask), "But when I need help you're not there".

The issue to me isn't the $25. $25 is nothing. I wouldn't even care if she didn't pay it back. The issue is that she won't tell me what it's for. I'm a generous person and will lend money with no problem if somebody needs it, but my one condition is that I have to know what it's needed for. I'm not going to lend my hard earned money to a friend if they are going to blow it on weed, alcohol, clubs or anything unnecessary.

Quote:

Terrible standard to set. You define the relationship man. Now instead of coming to you for value such as great sex, wonderful companionship, or anything that you might want her to, she sees you as a money source. For future relationships, squash this before it gains any ground.

In addition she guilts you into it by saying all the things she does for you. What does that do to the relationship dynamic? Next time she wants something, she can guilt you into doing it. You thus reinforced this behavior with your action.

Quote:

This only matters if you are looking out for her well-being which part of it is that you are. The other side is that you are insecure about this. It's her business. She doesn't have to tell you anything as she doesn't.

Quote:

I'd had given her the money. She could blow it on whatever she wants as far as I'm concerned. Agreeing on being exclusive with someone implies quite a lot of trust from my side.
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Hold on, I haven't given her any money. I said no. Guilt trips don't and never will work on me.

He said that this is his girlfriend, not just a random girl that he has sex with. If he wants to lend his girlfriend money, it isn't setting a bad standard and there's nothing wrong with it as long as she isn't allowed to take advantage of it. If you have ever let a friend borrow money and they pay it back, why would you treat your girlfriend less than that?

Her not wanting to tell him why she needed the money was the same as her saying that she didn't really need the money. OP handled himself correctly by not giving it to her.

I wouldn't say that I'm insecure about that. I know that she doesn't smoke any substances, doesn't go to the club and that she only drinks occasionally, so I doubt my money is going to go towards anything like that.

But regardless, as I earned the money I like to know what the money I worked hard to get is going to go towards.

Author:	SoulMan13 [ Thu Oct 29, 2015 1:52 am ]
Post subject:	Girlfriend Asked To Borrow Money
I've been dating this girl exclusively for just under 1.5 months now. Anyway, the other day she asked me if she could borrow $25 and said that she would pay me back by next week at the latest. However, when I asked her what she needed the $25 for, she wouldn't tell me and just said that it doesn't matter. Now she's saying, "Look at everything I do for you," (admittedly, she does a lot for me without me even having to ask), "But when I need help you're not there". The issue to me isn't the $25. $25 is nothing. I wouldn't even care if she didn't pay it back. The issue is that she won't tell me what it's for. I'm a generous person and will lend money with no problem if somebody needs it, but my one condition is that I have to know what it's needed for. I'm not going to lend my hard earned money to a friend if they are going to blow it on weed, alcohol, clubs or anything unnecessary. She's got that female manipulation thing going on and has me doubting whether I'm being an asshole and too inner or not, though. What do ya'll think?

Author:	JackZero [ Thu Oct 29, 2015 2:49 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend Asked To Borrow Money
You're in the right. Hold your ground.

Author:	DW-Heart-Charmer [ Thu Oct 29, 2015 4:03 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend Asked To Borrow Money
Quote: Anyway, the other day she asked me if she could borrow $25 and said that she would pay me back by next week at the latest. However, when I asked her what she needed the $25 for, she wouldn't tell me and just said that it doesn't matter. Now she's saying, "Look at everything I do for you," (admittedly, she does a lot for me without me even having to ask), "But when I need help you're not there". Terrible standard to set. You define the relationship man. Now instead of coming to you for value such as great sex, wonderful companionship, or anything that you might want her to, she sees you as a money source. For future relationships, squash this before it gains any ground. In addition she guilts you into it by saying all the things she does for you. What does that do to the relationship dynamic? Next time she wants something, she can guilt you into doing it. You thus reinforced this behavior with your action. Quote: The issue to me isn't the $25. $25 is nothing. I wouldn't even care if she didn't pay it back. The issue is that she won't tell me what it's for. I'm a generous person and will lend money with no problem if somebody needs it, but my one condition is that I have to know what it's needed for. I'm not going to lend my hard earned money to a friend if they are going to blow it on weed, alcohol, clubs or anything unnecessary. This only matters if you are looking out for her well-being which part of it is that you are. The other side is that you are insecure about this. It's her business. She doesn't have to tell you anything as she doesn't.

Author:	SoulMan13 [ Thu Oct 29, 2015 4:21 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend Asked To Borrow Money
Quote: Quote: Anyway, the other day she asked me if she could borrow $25 and said that she would pay me back by next week at the latest. However, when I asked her what she needed the $25 for, she wouldn't tell me and just said that it doesn't matter. Now she's saying, "Look at everything I do for you," (admittedly, she does a lot for me without me even having to ask), "But when I need help you're not there". Terrible standard to set. You define the relationship man. Now instead of coming to you for value such as great sex, wonderful companionship, or anything that you might want her to, she sees you as a money source. For future relationships, squash this before it gains any ground. In addition she guilts you into it by saying all the things she does for you. What does that do to the relationship dynamic? Next time she wants something, she can guilt you into doing it. You thus reinforced this behavior with your action. Quote: The issue to me isn't the $25. $25 is nothing. I wouldn't even care if she didn't pay it back. The issue is that she won't tell me what it's for. I'm a generous person and will lend money with no problem if somebody needs it, but my one condition is that I have to know what it's needed for. I'm not going to lend my hard earned money to a friend if they are going to blow it on weed, alcohol, clubs or anything unnecessary. This only matters if you are looking out for her well-being which part of it is that you are. The other side is that you are insecure about this. It's her business. She doesn't have to tell you anything as she doesn't. Hold on, I haven't given her any money. I said no. Guilt trips don't and never will work on me...they actually make me less likely to give you what you want. Also, over my dead body will I become someone's money source. I respect myself too much to end up in that position. I wouldn't say that I'm insecure about that. I know that she doesn't smoke any substances, doesn't go to the club and that she only drinks occasionally, so I doubt my money is going to go towards anything like that. But regardless, as I earned the money I like to know what the money I worked hard to get is going to go towards. Maybe I'm just too curious, but I feel that the moment you ask somebody for money then what it's for is their business too, as it's their money

Author:	JackZero [ Thu Oct 29, 2015 5:44 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend Asked To Borrow Money
Quote: Quote: Anyway, the other day she asked me if she could borrow $25 and said that she would pay me back by next week at the latest. However, when I asked her what she needed the $25 for, she wouldn't tell me and just said that it doesn't matter. Now she's saying, "Look at everything I do for you," (admittedly, she does a lot for me without me even having to ask), "But when I need help you're not there". Terrible standard to set. You define the relationship man. Now instead of coming to you for value such as great sex, wonderful companionship, or anything that you might want her to, she sees you as a money source. For future relationships, squash this before it gains any ground. In addition she guilts you into it by saying all the things she does for you. What does that do to the relationship dynamic? Next time she wants something, she can guilt you into doing it. You thus reinforced this behavior with your action. Quote: The issue to me isn't the $25. $25 is nothing. I wouldn't even care if she didn't pay it back. The issue is that she won't tell me what it's for. I'm a generous person and will lend money with no problem if somebody needs it, but my one condition is that I have to know what it's needed for. I'm not going to lend my hard earned money to a friend if they are going to blow it on weed, alcohol, clubs or anything unnecessary. This only matters if you are looking out for her well-being which part of it is that you are. The other side is that you are insecure about this. It's her business. She doesn't have to tell you anything as she doesn't. He said that this is his girlfriend, not just a random girl that he has sex with. If he wants to lend his girlfriend money, it isn't setting a bad standard and there's nothing wrong with it as long as she isn't allowed to take advantage of it. If you have ever let a friend borrow money and they pay it back, why would you treat your girlfriend less than that? Her not wanting to tell him why she needed the money was the same as her saying that she didn't really need the money. OP handled himself correctly by not giving it to her.

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Author:	R.C [ Thu Oct 29, 2015 9:33 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend Asked To Borrow Money
I'd had given her the money. She could blow it on whatever she wants as far as I'm concerned. Agreeing on being exclusive with someone implies quite a lot of trust from my side. So considering this gf wouldn't be just about anyone, but someone who's actually earned a thing or two, then yeah, I'd give her the money - no questions asked.

Author:	CharlesFinley [ Thu Oct 29, 2015 12:20 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend Asked To Borrow Money
She's your girlfriend. You lend her the money... Why's she your girlfriend if you don't trust her with something as paltry as 25 bucks?

Author:	neo87 [ Thu Oct 29, 2015 3:07 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend Asked To Borrow Money
Yeah probably should've loaned it no questions as she'd your gf. That being said she should have just stated why when you did ask, which you didn't need to. If you think a chick could be blowing your money on drugs don't make her your gf.

Author:	KeyboardCowboy [ Thu Oct 29, 2015 3:28 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend Asked To Borrow Money
Quote: I'd had given her the money. She could blow it on whatever she wants as far as I'm concerned. Agreeing on being exclusive with someone implies quite a lot of trust from my side. . Totally. I understand the "trust" side of it, but if she's already taking her pants off for you, that's a fair bit of trust. Part of being a man is being able to take care of a woman. Don't do it because you feel cowed but do it because she's one of your peeps and ur gonna take care of her. Like you would your mom or your best friend.

Author:	R.C [ Thu Oct 29, 2015 3:33 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend Asked To Borrow Money
Trust in the fact that she's a quality person by my standards, is what I meant.

Author:	DW-Heart-Charmer [ Fri Oct 30, 2015 3:37 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend Asked To Borrow Money
Quote: Hold on, I haven't given her any money. I said no. Guilt trips don't and never will work on me. Good for that was reason enough not to do it. Quote: He said that this is his girlfriend, not just a random girl that he has sex with. If he wants to lend his girlfriend money, it isn't setting a bad standard and there's nothing wrong with it as long as she isn't allowed to take advantage of it. If you have ever let a friend borrow money and they pay it back, why would you treat your girlfriend less than that? Dynamics of any relationship significantly change when someone is owed something. I won't ever loan friends money for a few reasons, but that is main one. When your parents give you $100 that is one thing, but when they loan you that money with an expectation of you paying it back, thanksgiving dinner is a little different. "The borrower is slave to the lender". I still stand by even giving her money as a gift as being a bad precedent to set here. It really comes down to your source of value. If as some posters say men are supposed to take care of a women [financially] then go for it. I however would rather want her to receive value from me in other ways. This just leads to a bad place. I would even go further here to say that we as men, and leaders of the relationship would be most beneficial if we are considering the standards that are set for our relationships. Is it really the type of relationship that you really want? If it isn't then why not? Why would she even think that asking for money would be okay? Let's cut out the bullshit and actually make what we want, not what other people deem as okay. It seems to me that at least some here are going back on the information of common knowledge, or whatever "should" be acceptable in society, when it might be forgotten that we have the the option of choosing what we want (one of the major things that PU society was built on). For me the type of relationship where a girl asks me for money is not what I want, just as is going grocery shopping with a girlfriend. Some may prefer either but the important part is we have a choice. Quote: Her not wanting to tell him why she needed the money was the same as her saying that she didn't really need the money. OP handled himself correctly by not giving it to her. That or what she was using it for was sketch enough that she didn't want to reveal it. Quote: I wouldn't say that I'm insecure about that. I know that she doesn't smoke any substances, doesn't go to the club and that she only drinks occasionally, so I doubt my money is going to go towards anything like that. Obviously your insecure about it, thus the reason for it even being an issue, but getting behind why you are insecure about this is going to be important for you. Quote: But regardless, as I earned the money I like to know what the money I worked hard to get is going to go towards. A very interesting yet all too common way to look at money. The implication here is that you want to have control over something that you produced an effort for, thus revealing that because you did something things should be a certain way, viewing your money in a controlling yet possessive way. And that brings us back full circle to the woman. Because she is yours, you have a right to know what she is doing with your money. Full trust and lack of any insecurity would likely lead you to a different place here.

Author:	Karlb [ Sat Oct 31, 2015 5:25 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend Asked To Borrow Money
If she refuses to tell you what the money's for and you don't like that then don't loan her the money. Always go with your gut.

Author:	adaptordie [ Sat Oct 31, 2015 6:36 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend Asked To Borrow Money
i dont think 25 is enough to justify the interrogation and hard headedness… i would want to know what she's spending on, and its weird she's being silent about that. so i would be like "sure heres 25, but not until i know whats its for." that at least sets a standard that you are not blindly giving her money. now if it was 250, or a grand, or something serious, that would warrant different action.

Author:	Jay (Majik) [ Sun Nov 01, 2015 11:34 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend Asked To Borrow Money
lol this is not a "relationship."

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