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I need an explanation
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Author:  Afc94 [ Thu Sep 17, 2015 3:20 am ]
Post subject:  I need an explanation
Hello everyone, I am still new in this website and still learning, but I had something that really bugged and discouraged me today.
This Monday I randomly open a girl on campus, land a nice discussion and impressed her with the cube, I was going for an insta date but I had something to do, so I took her number and told her we would grab a coffee together soon.

I sent her text a text last night (very short, I just said coffee tomorrow and made a reference to a funny thing we had in the convo.) She agreed with a long reply full of haha and lmao...

I met her today, went for a coffee and I started gaming again, she was first sitting in front of me so after a bit I said this feels like an interview come closer, so I pulled her and got closer then I put my hand on her thighs but she quickly moved her leg ( I established some kino before and on the day I met her, and I always keep a strong eye contact).

After that to be honest I was a little sad but didn't give up and went for a walk and chilled for like an hour (she was supposed to have class, but never said she had to go so time went by and then she randomly said she forgot about her class (she was only a few minutes late and we were close to campus, but she said she wanted to stay) , which I didn't really believe. Anyway the whole time I kept a strong eye contact, she would even laugh sometimes cuz I was looking in her eyes, but I was just waiting for a sign to kiss her!

After that she wanted to smoke me from her weed so I took her to my place ( I have a nice view ), we hit a bowl and drunk a beer, but even then she didn't make any sign, and I felt like I was pushing without any kind of response from her ( I would look at her in the eyes then look at her mouth, and she would look away or smile). And then I just lost hope and was really high so I fucked up and went AFC mode (I was just listening and answering random shit with forced smiles...).

I don't undestand, can anyone explain me why couldn't I get a damn kiss from this bitch after putting so much of my time ?
Author:  R.C [ Thu Sep 17, 2015 4:58 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I need an explanation
Quote:
H
I don't undestand, can anyone explain me why couldn't I get a damn kiss from this bitch after putting so much of my time ?
Because you didn't fucking try? lol.
Quote:
but I was just waiting for a sign to kiss her!
Like the heavens opening themselves and a some dramatic lightning in the background?
Quote:
went for a coffee and I started gaming again, she was first sitting in front of me so after a bit I said this feels like an interview come closer, so I pulled her and got closer then I put my hand on her thighs but she quickly moved her leg ( I established some kino before and on the day I met her, and I always keep a strong eye contact).
Why did you not pull a chair and sit at a 90 degree angle - or exactly next to her from the very beginning?
Then you pull her close and immediately land you hand of her thigh? Of-course she pulled away. It was sudden and unnatural.
Quote:
After that to be honest I was a little sad
About what? about her moving her leg?
Dude just because she may have felt uncomfortable with that doesn't mean you should feel sad. If you try kissing a girl in front of all her friends and family for the first time and she pulls away will you feel sad? The point is she's not "rejecting" your advance, she's rejecting the caveman mode in which it was made.
Quote:
After that she wanted to smoke me from her weed so I took her to my place ( I have a nice view ), we hit a bowl and drunk a beer, but even then she didn't make any sign, and I felt like I was pushing without any kind of response from her ( I would look at her in the eyes then look at her mouth, and she would look away or smile). And then I just lost hope and was really high so I fucked up and went AFC mode (I was just listening and answering random shit with forced smiles...).
What the fuck is all this sign talk man? She was at your place. What more do you need? You need to make your intentions clear from now on and own your sexuality like a proper man.


Does this qualify as a proper "sign" from her?

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Author:  Afc94 [ Thu Sep 17, 2015 5:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I need an explanation
Hello and thanks for answering,

I am new to forcing things . I thought my body language was telling everything, at least enough so that she pulls her head forward instead of making a small step on the side when I get closer.

I completely agree with you about the first try, I tried to not lose my game at that moment, but I can't really have control over that, which is extremely frustrating. Do you have any advice on how to keep my head up and stress out in that situation? And about the chair, it was a small roundtable at Starbucks so the chairs were facing each other when we sat, but I felt like I had to push a bit so I threw in a joke saying that it felt like an interview and that she should get closer ( also because the conversation was slowing down ).

I also tried many times to grab her hand( I never forget about the kino,I always do some kind to keep my intentions clear ), it never worked unless I would explicitly ask for it, and then I would make play a dumb game ( close your eyes...) and I just play with her hands for a bit.

I should also say that she had a tattoo on her thigh, I passed my hand through tattoo very gently at my place, but it didn'the trigger anything.
Author:  R.C [ Thu Sep 17, 2015 5:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I need an explanation
Quote:
I am new to forcing things . I thought my body language was telling everything, at least enough so that she pulls her head forward instead of making a small step on the side when I get closer.
Your escalating was unnatural and felt rushed. Feels to me you were acting as if you were in a nightclub, not at a daytime coffee date.

Quote:
I tried to not lose my game at that moment, but I can't really have control over that, which is extremely frustrating. Do you have any advice on how to keep my head up and stress out in that situation?
Yes. Don't be so invested. Ever heard of 1 step back 2 steps forward? Sometimes you won't have to take that step back, but sometimes you will. That's perfectly fine and no reason to break down over.
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And about the chair, it was a small roundtable at Starbucks so the chairs were facing each other when we sat, but I felt like I had to push a bit so I threw in a joke saying that it felt like an interview and that she should get closer ( also because the conversation was slowing down ).
Either pick a better table next time or do as I've already said - pull the chair over next to hers.
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I also tried many times to grab her hand( I never forget about the kino,I always do some kind to keep my intentions clear ), it never worked unless I would explicitly ask for it, and then I would make play a dumb game ( close your eyes...) and I just play with her hands for a bit.
How do you try that exactly? Full caveman out of the blue grabbing her hand? Or do you play with her fingers first, "observe" her ring/watch/wristband/whatever (properly escalate)? Handgrabs while walking down the street can feel awkward at times. Another cool way I like to ease into it is jaywalking.
Find an opening, grab her hand and cross the street in a rushed fashion. Then continue walking hand in hand once you're on the other side. Just don't die in the process.
Simple.

Quote:
I should also say that she had a tattoo on her thigh, I passed my hand through tattoo very gently at my place, but it didn'the trigger anything.
Yeah, I assume she didn't jump you then and there.

Your problem is not being confident enough in yourself. She was at your place and you still felt like you have to win her over or prove something, which is a form of putting her on a pedestal and handicapping yourself. Be more secure in who you are and what you deserve.
Author:  Monsignor Crisanto [ Thu Sep 17, 2015 10:40 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I need an explanation
LOL.

R.C. explained everything rather well.

Moral of the story: When a girl isolates with you alone at your place, escalate PROPERLY. A girl isolating with you alone at your place is the biggest sign of interest that she wants your cock. But...

You gotta heat it up verrrrryyyy SLOWLY. Women are biologically different from men. Men get a hard on within seconds of seeing a cleavage. On the other hand, women's clitorises engorge after at least 21 minutes of foreplay (hand holding, looking deep in her eyes, kissing, etc.).

Rush things without proper escalation and you lose.
Author:  Dragula [ Thu Sep 17, 2015 12:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I need an explanation
Quote:
get a damn kiss from this bitch after putting so much of my time ?
Chill out mate, you're the bitch here for bitching out when sex was on a plate for you.

Your problem is that you're in trap of 'looking for signal' mode. You're playing not to lose instead of playing to win, she on your bed man. That is the biggest signal you should be looking for instead of hair twirls.

You're a mouse. Adopt a killer instinct. Be a lion and take what you want. You messed up here. Not her, no need to call her a bitch and get sad.

Listen to RC
Author:  J.Daniels [ Thu Sep 17, 2015 3:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I need an explanation
Coffee dates. The sexiest, most erotic thing that 2 super best friends can do together. Cuties. (inb4 a bunch of replies claiming "I fucked a girl on a coffee date" as if that makes a difference)

I only skimmed the topic, but did you actually go for the kiss? I don't think you did, but I might have missed something. You can't call her a bitch because you were too scared to go for a kiss lol. She might be thinking "Why didn't this bitch just kiss me? Is it cause he doesn't like me, or is it cause he's just as pussy as the rest of the guys I've dated?"

Stand out from the crowd. Be that fun guy that she wants to see again, where she can just turn up looking hot and feel like the whole date is some kind of mysterious adventure unfolding before her eyes - create that shit by leading, escalating, and being the guy who "just gets it". It's not as hard as it sounds, providing she likes you.

Your only job really is to not fuck it up (by being a girl and letting her lead)
Author:  Eddie Fews [ Thu Sep 17, 2015 4:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I need an explanation
Sounds to me like you made one strong attempt at escalation and then bitched up and didn't make another move so you wouldn't be "sad" again if she wasn't receptive to it.

Its not that complicated.

In the future you try again. You don't go all weird starring in a girls eyes waiting for the perfect moment to kiss her. This isn't a movie. Lean in the for kiss, and if she's not down for it, brush it off and resume conversation - Or ask her to leave if you feel like you're wasting your time.

You'll see her again,
Author:  Afc94 [ Fri Sep 18, 2015 4:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I need an explanation
Yes, I think I pussied out. Or maybe she was not interested. She didn'the know we were going to my place, but I acted like it was completely normal so I didn't feel like she hesitated.

I am not sure whether I should text her again, I don't want to come off needy.
Author:  Eddie Fews [ Fri Sep 18, 2015 4:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I need an explanation
Quote:
Yes, I think I pussied out. Or maybe she was not interested. She didn'the know we were going to my place, but I acted like it was completely normal so I didn't feel like she hesitated.

I am not sure whether I should text her again, I don't want to come off needy.
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