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Apparently I'm BF material and not lay material....(Tokyo)
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Author:  LostInTokyo [ Mon Feb 09, 2015 1:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Apparently I'm BF material and not lay material....(Tokyo)

So, yeah, I'm new. Living in Tokyo. Well, barely. On the outer fringes.

Anyway, my game is great for getting digits and dates, but apparently I am boyfriend material and not lay material. The dates are usually successful (in the sense that I go out with the girl more than once) and occasionally I will get laid in the process, but there are many days I just want to go out for the night, get laid, and say "see ya" the next morning without having to spend weeks working on a girl. Some consistency would be nice, at least. I've been analyzing what I've been doing wrong, and I have come to three areas:

1. The Venue
I have met girls online, at bars, or at singles parties. Of those I would think bars would be the best place to find DTF girls but apparently not. Maybe I'm just going to the wrong bars. I'm not that much of a drinker so I don't go often. I would like to try the club scene since that seems to be the easiest place to find DTF girls, but it's hard finding a place that isn't a sausage fest. Plus I can't really dance, cover fees and drinks are expensive, and my last train home stops running at 11:30. If I don't pick up a girl within 1-2 hours I'm going to get bored of the place, or if I flub things with a girl I'm stuck out in the cold until the 5am trains. Waste of money and time. I haven't tried day game because Japanese are really weird about being approached when alcohol isn't involved or the venue isn't specifically set up for social purposes.

2. Escalation
I am slow to escalate. A lot of it is just getting over fear of rejection, and that's a bit amplified with the lack of privacy here. Not to mention something as simple as a peck on the cheek in public is "embarrassing" to a lot of girls. One girl I'm playing the long game with loves sex but hates sex talk/innuendo and gets embarrassed with any PDA beyond holding hands. Yeah, I don't get it either. I have seen a lot of conflicting info about kino so I won't talk about that unless someone wants me to.

3. Personality/Conversation
I blame my Southern upbringing. I'm always "Ladies first," which is great in the bedroom and serious relationships but terrible for getting in a girl's pants. If I be myself, I can approach with confidence, strike up a conversation, keep her entertained (mostly). But I can't verbally escalate things. I have no wit with innuendo (my humor is situational) and I don't know where the line between fun sex talk and offensive sex talk is. And by that I mean that I assume women will find any and all sex talk/innuendo offensive. Which, judging by the girls' reactions when I see Japanese dudes crack innuendo, is true here. If I be myself I'm boyfriend material, but if I'm an ass I won't get anything.
This is why I'm thinking about the club scene since conversation isn't really stressed there, but see #1.

I'm also approaching in straight Japanese, which may be hurting me. On the one hand, it gives me a huge advantage since it opens up the field for really attractive girls who can't speak English and the fact that a white guy can speak well enough to converse with them blows their minds. On the negative side, it means I'm not interacting with the girls looking for a short-term foreigner fling since Japanese ability generally means you're not just a visitor. I'm hesitant to try English because so far I haven't met many girls who can even speak basic English. Even in Tokyo.

Has anyone had experience with the Tokyo scene? I could use some pointers.

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