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FREEZE OUT - PLS HELP
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Author:  PPIeTr0234 [ Tue Aug 05, 2014 6:46 pm ]
Post subject:  FREEZE OUT - PLS HELP
Met a girl who is 17 at my work. I am 22. She asked me for my number and we've been texting and calling ever since. Its been intense and passionate and I see myself having real feelings. We have seen each other a couple of times but no sex. Everything but sex. In explicit fashion. To be honest....overall I really like her
We were supposed to have a third date but she cancelled last minute because her mom needed to be brought to the hospital (No problem wth me). But she didnt suggest a reschedule or anything since. Then after that shes been distant. Ill ask her to call and she says "I will when I get home (kiss face)" and then wont do anything until 24 hours later when she sends a silly text. Dont fuck with me right? No matter how busy you are, you could have called quickly.
So here I am: Ignoring her completely. They call it a "freeze out". Its been since Sunday. She promised to call Saturday night and only texted Sunday/ never called. I didnt answer. This is my latest texts from her:
Me "Well whatr you waitin for you lil cheesecake, gimme a call! " Saturday 10:15pm
Her "I will when i get home (kiss face)"
24 hours go by (I initiate freeze out)
Her "Alright phew finally have time to relax, hope work is going well for you xx"
Her "So im getting my teeth pulled out today :( " Monday morning
Her "Alright so your not going to talk to me I see, im wondering what i should do with the sweater?"
I lent her my sweater last time we saw each other cus she loved it.
My question: How do i initiate contact now? What frame should I come from when I come back? Do I explain why Iv been gone? My options are:

A) Explain to her why I froze her out, demand respect when it comes to calls, remind her that i care very much for her


B) Come back nonchalantly and confidently and try to deflect her questions as to where iv been; be cocky funny and casual


C) Crack and tell her im sorry for not talking to her and that iv missed her and wont do it again


For those of you who dont know, when a girl disrespects you, actions speak so much louder than words. she needs to realize her negative actions could result in losing you.
PLEASE HELP & THANK YOU
Author:  CharlesFinley [ Tue Aug 05, 2014 6:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: FREEZE OUT - PLS HELP
Oh my god man.

Stop the freeze out. You shouldn't have been freezing her out to begin with.

Her mother was in the hospital! Give the girl some space! She cancelled cause her mother was in the hospital, and all you're concerned about is that she didn't suggest an alternate date/time?

More recently, she's getting some teeth pulled and you're worried about your fucking sweater? Like seriously?

Back the hell off - you're being needy as fuck! Seriously, I'd have dumped your ass if I were her.
Author:  PPIeTr0234 [ Tue Aug 05, 2014 7:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: FREEZE OUT - PLS HELP
Quote:
Oh my god man.

Stop the freeze out. You shouldn't have been freezing her out to begin with.

Her mother was in the hospital! Give the girl some space! She cancelled cause her mother was in the hospital, and all you're concerned about is that she didn't suggest an alternate date/time?

More recently, she's getting some teeth pulled and you're worried about your fucking sweater? Like seriously?

Back the hell off - you're being needy as fuck! Seriously, I'd have dumped your ass if I were her.

Hey man here's a little more info for you: Her mom went to the hospital because of a broken toe; where she waiting for a few hours and then said "fuck" it and went home. She dragged the girl along because she needed a lift. Trust me it wasnt threatening or serious. Also I never talking or worried about the sweater...SHES the one that asked what she should do with it since I've been freezing her out.

....In effect dude...I HAVE been giving her space and backing off lol
Author:  CharlesFinley [ Tue Aug 05, 2014 7:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: FREEZE OUT - PLS HELP
Well you sound needy.

Really needy.

Freezing her out - in my opinion - retarded.

Sorry that's not the response you wanted. Perhaps another user will tell you what you'd like to hear and validate you.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Tue Aug 05, 2014 7:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: FREEZE OUT - PLS HELP
Guys stop it with the freeze-outs, most of you have no clue what you're doing. Women typically move on faster as they are approached way more than any guy, so a freeze out often backfires not only that it is also passive aggressive behavior and sets the relationship up on the wrong footing.
Author:  PPIeTr0234 [ Tue Aug 05, 2014 7:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: FREEZE OUT - PLS HELP
Quote:
Well you sound needy.

Really needy.

Freezing her out - in my opinion - retarded.

Sorry that's not the response you wanted. Perhaps another user will tell you what you'd like to hear and validate you.
Its not what I wanted BUT its also not what I didn't want. I want advice VIA criticism. I respect and appreciate your time and opinion. I'd love to hear what you would have done since Saturday when I asked to call (and she didnt) OR what you'd do now....days later.
Author:  CharlesFinley [ Tue Aug 05, 2014 7:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: FREEZE OUT - PLS HELP
Quote:
Guys stop it with the freeze-outs, most of you have no clue what you're doing. Women typically move on faster as they are approached way more than any guy, so a freeze out often backfires not only that it is also passive aggressive behavior and sets the relationship up on the wrong footing.

Sorry, "guys?" -

I do have a fair idea what I'm doing... and at no point did I suggest he freeze this girl out. Quite the opposite.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Tue Aug 05, 2014 7:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: FREEZE OUT - PLS HELP
Quote:
Quote:
Guys stop it with the freeze-outs, most of you have no clue what you're doing. Women typically move on faster as they are approached way more than any guy, so a freeze out often backfires not only that it is also passive aggressive behavior and sets the relationship up on the wrong footing.

Sorry, "guys?" -

I do have a fair idea what I'm doing... and at no point did I suggest he freeze this girl out. Quite the opposite.
Wasn't talking to you.
Author:  CharlesFinley [ Tue Aug 05, 2014 7:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: FREEZE OUT - PLS HELP
Cool - apologies :)
Author:  PPIeTr0234 [ Tue Aug 05, 2014 7:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: FREEZE OUT - PLS HELP
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Guys stop it with the freeze-outs, most of you have no clue what you're doing. Women typically move on faster as they are approached way more than any guy, so a freeze out often backfires not only that it is also passive aggressive behavior and sets the relationship up on the wrong footing.

Sorry, "guys?" -

I do have a fair idea what I'm doing... and at no point did I suggest he freeze this girl out. Quite the opposite.
Wasn't talking to you.
You guys have offered 0 value to this situation. You've both agreed on a distaste in my approach to the story (which is more than fine) but neither have offered useful insight I can use moving forward.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Tue Aug 05, 2014 8:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: FREEZE OUT - PLS HELP
Quote:
You guys have offered 0 value to this situation. You've both agreed on a distaste in my approach to the story (which is more than fine) but neither have offered useful insight I can use moving forward.
You're getting defensive in spite of answering your own question "For those of you who dont know, when a girl disrespects you, actions speak so much louder than words. she needs to realize her negative actions could result in losing you."

So go ahead and use that as your frame, seeing as though you've already bought into it.

No reason to displace your anger onto others simply because they aren't telling you what you want to hear. Give your head a shake.
Author:  PPIeTr0234 [ Tue Aug 05, 2014 8:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: FREEZE OUT - PLS HELP
Quote:
Quote:
You guys have offered 0 value to this situation. You've both agreed on a distaste in my approach to the story (which is more than fine) but neither have offered useful insight I can use moving forward.
You're getting defensive in spite of answering your own question "For those of you who dont know, when a girl disrespects you, actions speak so much louder than words. she needs to realize her negative actions could result in losing you."

So go ahead and use that as your frame, seeing as though you've already bought into it.

No reason to displace your anger onto others simply because they aren't telling you what you want to hear. Give your head a shake.
I wasn't pissed before and I'm not now. "Give your head a shake" Fuck yourself lmao. I own my approach until now and never did I ask anyone to validate it. I listed 3 ways I can move forward which is all I'm focused on. The frame of "negative actions could result in losing me" is the underlining message I'd like her to understand, but I'm stuck between being straight up verbally about it or letting her assimilate the message subconsciously by my actions. So pretty please, with a fucking cherry on top; A, B, or C? ;)
Author:  n2thevoid [ Tue Aug 05, 2014 9:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: FREEZE OUT - PLS HELP
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
You guys have offered 0 value to this situation. You've both agreed on a distaste in my approach to the story (which is more than fine) but neither have offered useful insight I can use moving forward.
You're getting defensive in spite of answering your own question "For those of you who dont know, when a girl disrespects you, actions speak so much louder than words. she needs to realize her negative actions could result in losing you."

So go ahead and use that as your frame, seeing as though you've already bought into it.

No reason to displace your anger onto others simply because they aren't telling you what you want to hear. Give your head a shake.
I wasn't pissed before and I'm not now. "Give your head a shake" Fuck yourself lmao. I own my approach until now and never did I ask anyone to validate it. I listed 3 ways I can move forward which is all I'm focused on. The frame of "negative actions could result in losing me" is the underlining message I'd like her to understand, but I'm stuck between being straight up verbally about it or letting her assimilate the message subconsciously by my actions. So pretty please, with a fucking cherry on top; A, B, or C? ;)

The decision is easy. Go with the one that is most congruent with WHO you are. If you desire to some sort of an idealized self that's yet to be realized, go with the one that is congruent with that.

I can't answer what's right for you, but I can tell you my personal take on each of the 3:

A) Explain to her why I froze her out, demand respect when it comes to calls, remind her that i care very much for her

If I am a man of integrity, as I define it (being transparent when it comes to an unmet need) I'd do this minus the freezing out part.

B) Come back nonchalantly and confidently and try to deflect her questions as to where iv been; be cocky funny and casual

Responsiveness trumps reactivity. Deflecting questions is a passive aggressive tactic, and not straight up - why go through this charade.

C) Crack and tell her im sorry for not talking to her and that iv missed her and wont do it again

I don't like placating it's not my style and obviously you feel 'wronged' so apologizing just makes you the silent sufferer and your frustrations will come out later; both of you will pay for this


I always believe in congruency. If I can't be honest with others I'm living a lie. Conversely if I can't be honest with myself (e.g. about the way I'm feeling), I can't be honest with others.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Tue Aug 05, 2014 9:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: FREEZE OUT - PLS HELP
"Hey <chick's name>, I was actually looking forward to seeing you Saturday night. When I didn't hear from you, I felt a little disappointed. I really value my time with those I am close to, this is quite important to me, and I think we can meet that need together through xyz (a 'needs request')."

This is actually an example of Non-violent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg). So what you're doing is NOT pointing a finger in accusation, you're also not BLAMING the person for making you feel a certain way as only you are in control of your feelings, not someone else. Also there's no interpretation of what the other person is doing (e.g. you ABANDONED ME). It's expressing a need, your need, and also bringing the person to the table in helping meet that need. Very effective stuff.
Author:  PPIeTr0234 [ Tue Aug 05, 2014 9:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: FREEZE OUT - PLS HELP
Quote:
The decision is easy. Go with the one that is most congruent with WHO you are. If you desire to some sort of an idealized self that's yet to be realized, go with the one that is congruent with that.

I can't answer what's right for you, but I can tell you my personal take on each of the 3:

A) Explain to her why I froze her out, demand respect when it comes to calls, remind her that i care very much for her

If I am a man of integrity, as I define it (being transparent when it comes to an unmet need) I'd do this minus the freezing out part.

B) Come back nonchalantly and confidently and try to deflect her questions as to where iv been; be cocky funny and casual

Responsiveness trumps reactivity. Deflecting questions is a passive aggressive tactic, and not straight up - why go through this charade.

C) Crack and tell her im sorry for not talking to her and that iv missed her and wont do it again

I don't like placating it's not my style and obviously you feel 'wronged' so apologizing just makes you the silent sufferer and your frustrations will come out later; both of you will pay for this


I always believe in congruency. If I can't be honest with others I'm living a lie. Conversely if I can't be honest with myself (e.g. about the way I'm feeling), I can't be honest with others.
I don't know what your first name is, but I sincerely thank you. An honest opinion relevant to what I'm asking was all I wanted. You broke it down systematically and I appreciate it. It appears evidently that freeze-outs are not in your school of thought or game. If her and I survive this, I won't be committing to one anytime soon. It honestly brings grief to both sides.
Paul
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