Hi guys, need some help on a complicated situation.... Just discovered this forum and basically I've done everything I'm not supposed to. Ha!

So I met this lovely lady about a year ago who is married to a control freak (and she thinks he's gay). I know her from a society I volunteer at, she works there.

We've been on 3 unofficial dates around March time this year, she said (to someone else, not me) they felt like dates but no one called them dates... Well, at that time I wasn't aware that she liked me, I assumed she was straight, so I didn't make a move. I then find out that she's been talking to one of my friends and she does (or at least did) like me. She told him she is attracted to me, but she can't have a relationship and she doesn't want to cheat on her husband. So she is obviously dealing with a lot of guilt... She also told him at one point that she loved me. She doesn't know what I want, blah blah blah.

Now here's the killer, she has never admitted any of her feelings for me verbally, she only does physical flirting. We did talk about it once and she said that she isn't gay and it will never happen. I said, oh well, at least we've cleared the air and I can flirt with you now. She said, no you can't, it'll start rumours. I said fine, I'll do it when no one is watching... She though for a moment and said ok, blew me a kiss and left... She then told this friend, I'll call him Jay, that she didn't say everything she wanted to say and that she would ring me after she'd had a few drinks so she didn't chicken out.... This never happened. She's very shy and gets nervous easily... She never initiates anything. She told Jay that she tried to ask me out, but ended up getting so nervous that she would have a hot flush (menopause....nice). I guess because she's been married for nearly 30 years, she's never had to do it.

So I didn't really think much of it and we carried on as normal with the flirting and lots of touching etc. Then all of a sudden she seemed to lose interest. I think it was when I gave up my job to do something else and it didn't workout. I got a bit depressed and needy about it which is probably a turn off. I'll be getting back into work within the next few weeks, so that won't be an issue anymore.

Also, I'm worried if she thinks I've been playing games with her because this friend Jay, she has been talking to has a bad reputation and is generally thought of as a liar and trouble causer... Which neither she nor I knew at the start of all this. He got in a bit of trouble at this society and it ended with him getting kicked out and so I did I by being associated with him.

I was devastated at getting kicked out and she was absolutely amazing during this time, she supported me and helped me try and come up with a plan to get back in..which so far hasn't worked, but it will. Haha! But it means I don't get to see her everyday anymore.... In fact I barely get to see her at all and it's usually me who initiates contact, which we have never had to do before... So it's kind of weird.

The last time I saw her was my birthday at the beginning of last month. I told her I'd be going out for a few drinks and that it'd be great to see her. She said she would love to. She picked me up and we went to a bar, had something to eat and had a chat. She bought me an expensive present, paid for all the food and drinks.... She was even still all touchy feely.... You know when they rest their leg against a you and don't move it, resting her head on my shoulder, holding me when I hugged her... Then the second my friends (and Jay) got there she backed off and seemed to change.... Her husband rang to see when she would be back for dinner/tea/whatever... She said she was leaving in 10 mins.... Jay started making fun of her for being whipped by him and she said she didn't know what it meant (so fucking cute, it's unreal), so he explained and I said basically it's not being whipped in a good way...I bet you'd like that.... She got this sexy look on her face and laughed. She then said, stop it you.... Then a bit later she had to go. I walked her to her car and asked her if her husband had a problem with her coming out to see me, she said no, he just likes to know where she is. She said that when you have been married for so long you get into a routine and go out as a couple with other couples, so whenever she goes out and he is left at home, he gets a bit moody with her and it causes problems. She said we would go out for longer next time and without the friends.

So we've just been texting back and forth occasionally nothing special.... And then I hear a rumour that the real reason I was kicked out of the club was because she complained about me harassing her. I confronted her about it and she said she was hurt and frustrated that I would think she would do something like that behind my back. She said it was all rubbish. I asked her about the phone call she was supposed to make and she said it didn't happen that way and Jay was lying to me. She said it happened after the first time we went out and Jay said I asked her to ring me because I really liked her (Never happened, I'm not in high school), she said she would because she needed to tell me it would never happen (erm... Really?! You went out with me a further two times after that. I don't think Jay is lying). So I said ok, I'll call him out on it, she said what's the point he'll just lie again. I also, asked her if she had told her husband that I like her, (as when she lost interest I suspected that this was another reason), she said she had ages ago. I kinda flipped at her and said oh great now you've made me look like a dick. She said, why would I do anything that would make you look like a dick and feel horrible....she said all he said was be careful at work, you don't want to get in trouble.... I then went full retard and started apologising for doubting her and generally acting like a pussy. The last thing I said to her was about how I was thinking of moving to another country, as Jay had asked me to (he's my straight male best friend, who I don't trust). She was shocked and just said, What?!..... No comment!. She then said she had to go (it's always her that ends things, I'm such a desperate dick).

So I left it a few days and sent her a message relating to me trying to get back into this society and she didn't reply... I was still in pussy mode and thought she had fallen out with me. I sent her another text a few days later asking if anything was wrong, being all mushy and stupid... She replied the day after saying sorry, she had been away and hadn't any signal, she gave me advice. I sent her a heartfelt apology and said that I love her, but not in a gay way, ok maybe a little gay... She replied saying. Lovely message from you... You still make me laugh. (Huh? Laugh? What?!) and I've not heard from her since. That was a week ago.

I'm not sure if have one-itis because I have this other married lady friend, who I have a FWB relationship with. Who whenever I brings her up in conversation she always pretends to not remember who she is.... Like it's a joke how often she does it. It's not like I talk about loads of girls I'm with.

It seems like verbally she is friend zoning me but physically she is flirty. Whenever I sexualise she just giggles. I think I may have friend zoned myself by making out we are friends... I have basically done the opposite of whatever Jay has said to her and she has done the same. I think we both don't know it he's telling the truth and that's the problem.

I'm pretty sure Jay is a PUA because does a lot of the stuff you recommend on this forum, he also tried to help me with this lady and I ignored all his suggestions because I'm too much of a pussy to risk losing her. I'm not sure at what point I fell for her, but I've fallen hard and I'm writing this because I need help to not screw this up any further.

I've never been so attached to one person before, it's a new thing for me and any help or advice would be appreciated.

Thanks,
PullAStr8.