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What is the ULTIMATE reason for shyness?
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Author:  bartm [ Mon Jun 02, 2014 6:52 pm ]
Post subject:  What is the ULTIMATE reason for shyness?
when I read about social anxiety, I can pretty much identify with all the symptoms. The usual remedies don't work on me. Talking to a therapist does not work on me. cognitive behavioral therapy does not work on me. taking acting classes does not work on me.

Now I will describe something amazing that's worked on me in overcoming my fear of dogs and I am hoping you can draw a parallel.

I used to have a phobia of dogs, so much that I couldn't be around a little yorkie. Then I started volunteering at the hospital, and going to the operating room. I saw a lot of nasty things there. Immediately, my fear of dogs was gone. I did not make an active effort to make the fear go away. In fact, I was not even aware that it was going away. It was not gradual. one day it was gone, just like that. Someone gave me this outlandish explanation that makes sense: We have different levels of fear. My fear of dogs was ULTIMATELY due to my fear of death. because I faced death-related situations, it got rid of my fear of dogs.

Now can you draw a parallel in terms of shyness? what is the ULTIMATE reason for shyness? can you come up with some outlandish explanation like above? If I could face that ultimate reason that's causing my shyness, I could get rid of it, just like in the scenario above.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Mon Jun 02, 2014 7:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What is the ULTIMATE reason for shyness?
Quote:
when I read about social anxiety, I can pretty much identify with all the symptoms. The usual remedies don't work on me. Talking to a therapist does not work on me. cognitive behavioral therapy does not work on me. taking acting classes does not work on me.

Now I will describe something amazing that's worked on me in overcoming my fear of dogs and I am hoping you can draw a parallel.

I used to have a phobia of dogs, so much that I couldn't be around a little yorkie. Then I started volunteering at the hospital, and going to the operating room. I saw a lot of nasty things there. Immediately, my fear of dogs was gone. I did not make an active effort to make the fear go away. In fact, I was not even aware that it was going away. It was not gradual. one day it was gone, just like that. Someone gave me this outlandish explanation that makes sense: We have different levels of fear. My fear of dogs was ULTIMATELY due to my fear of death. because I faced death-related situations, it got rid of my fear of dogs.

Now can you draw a parallel in terms of shyness? what is the ULTIMATE reason for shyness? can you come up with some outlandish explanation like above? If I could face that ultimate reason that's causing my shyness, I could get rid of it, just like in the scenario above.
When in a social situation, ask yourself:What Is The Worst That Could Happen?
Author:  Pimp Charming [ Mon Jun 02, 2014 7:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What is the ULTIMATE reason for shyness?
It's something quite personal, and each person will have a different "ultimate reason" for why they are the way they are.

It's probably due to receiving a lot of negative feedback. From peers, parents, whoever. Eventually these people learn to shut up to avoid embarassment. It's a defense mechanism. I also believe there's a genetic element. People with shy parents tend to grow up shy, though this could be a result of upbringing too.
Author:  Mastermind9000 [ Mon Jun 02, 2014 8:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What is the ULTIMATE reason for shyness?
Doing approaches is an effective CBT for treating appoach anxiety. Assuming you have a human brain, CBT does has and will work for you.

It's being clear about what you are treating and how.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Mon Jun 02, 2014 8:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What is the ULTIMATE reason for shyness?
You could blame your upbringing, your genetics, your mom, the girl who got away.

You could do that, but what fucking good would it do?

Your shyness comes from the fear of failure.

Most people are afraid to be fearless and take risks in life.

Most people are too afraid to really push themselves and leave their comfort zones.

This is also the reason why most people live very ordinary and mediocre lives.

You can't just jump on a piano, and play can you? No It take lots of practice!! And DEDICATION.

Make yourself!

If you want to become successful with women, the only way to get better with women is to talk to women more often, approach more girls than you ever used to.
Author:  Eddie Fews [ Tue Jun 03, 2014 5:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What is the ULTIMATE reason for shyness?
Quote:
My fear of dogs was ULTIMATELY due to my fear of death. because I faced death-related situations, it got rid of my fear of dogs.
Your fear of approach women is ultimately due to your fear of being reduced to less than what you are.

Now imagen you went out approaching women every single day and they ALL rejected you. What would that say about you?

As long as you don't approach you can always convince yourself that you could get a girl if you really wanted too. But if you actually tried and weren't able too. What would that say about you?
Author:  Mastermind9000 [ Tue Jun 03, 2014 6:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What is the ULTIMATE reason for shyness?
While we may find many reasons to be shy, there is a well documented connection between our early relationship between us and our SECONDARY care giver (most often father). Since we suckle, we are obviously intimate with our mothers, it is through interactions with our fathers we learn comfort and confidence touching and interacting with others. Literally, if we don't hug, caress, and have positive physical interactions with dad, then we are more shy, wary or even fearful (like myself) about these types of contact with others as grown ups.

A positive relationship with our secondary care giver makes for outgoing, confident adults because they learned at a young age that "it's alright. Everything will be ok."

So, guys, if you have little ones at home, hold them and kiss them until they are sick of it.
Author:  hugge [ Tue Jun 03, 2014 8:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What is the ULTIMATE reason for shyness?
Quote from the following site:

"The principal reason you cannot be born shy is that shyness is characterized by three major features: excessive self-consciousness, excessive negative self-evaluation, and excessive negative self-preoccupation."

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/bre ... e-born-shy
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